


Your Protector

by cottontale



Series: I and Love and You [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety, CoffeeAU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, introverted Haru, my favorite kind of au, stutter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-01 19:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottontale/pseuds/cottontale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about.</p>
<p>Haru has social anxiety, a stutter, and can't seem to catch a break. Makoto is a college student/barista who wants more than anything to be there for Haru. Only, this isn't a perfect world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "I hope you fall in love with someone that makes you question why you ever thought you'd be better off alone."

As a classical literature major, barista, older brother (see: babysitter), and best friend to Nagisa, Makoto had no free time. If he did, the time was spent reading for his classes or keeping said blond best friend out of trouble. Behind on two reading assignments, Makoto let Nagisa man the register with their few customers and opened his book underneath the counter.  _The Great Gatsby_ wasn't one of his favorites. He'd read it in high school and loved the writing style, but quickly lost his enthusiam as the book continued. Sighing, he started the sixth chapter. 

"Ah, Mako-chan," Nagisa interrupted and Makoto looked up. Nagisa was pointing to the door which twinkled, signalling the arrival of a group of college kids. "Help." 

Makoto pushed his book away from the counter they used for mixing and went to his friend's aid. Silently fretting over the fact that he'd probably have a late night tonight, Makoto went on auto-pilot. A coffee-making blur, Makoto and Nagisa floated around each other, passing syrups or cups if they were closer. Within ten minutes, the line died down and every college student was served with one or two extra shots of espresso. 

"Finals must be close," Nagisa commented and Makoto nodded, the pit in his stomach growing. "Man, I'm sort of glad I'm in a gap year." 

Going into the back kitchen to fetch more clean cups, Nagisa left the counter to Makoto. Feeling anxious, Makoto began to wipe down the counter tops and fill the powdered sugar and cinnamon on the stations around the tables. The door twinkled again and Makoto looked at the front, seeing Nagisa wasn't back yet. Sighing, he walked around to the register, punched in his numbers and watched in slow abject horror as two customers paraded in. 

Oh god, he disliked his job sometimes because it always attracted the weirdest people. Coffee cafes were a universal watering hole for all types and Makoto still hadn't gotten used to the cultural melting pot. 

The first one to walk up to the counter was ignoring Makoto's stunned expression, opting to look at the menu above his head. He had red choppy hair, black gauges in his ears, and a silver piercing on his already intimidating brows. A tattoo was crawling up his neck, a tribal looking black creation that Makoto flinched away from because he was imagining the pain of going through the process and yeah  _no freaking way._

"What do you want, Haru?" He asked his companion standing behind him. 

Off to the side with his legs crossed, Makoto didn't see him right away. He was shorter and hunched over a thick book. His black hair didn't quite cover his own piercings, four spikes in each ear. His expression spoke levels of detatchment and indecision. He chewed on his lip, which Makoto noticed had a piercing as well, a small silver ring. 

"Latte," he answered after a while, short and to the point. He tottered off to a small corner in the cafe and sat, nose immediately glued to the pages of his book. 

"Alright, then a mocha latte for him and an Americano for me." The man at the counter finally decided and looked down at Makoto, even though he was shorter. He also put a bottle of water on the counter from the front display. 

Still intimidated, Makoto shakily punched in their orders and squeaked out the total. 

The transaction was awkward and Makoto had to repeat himself twice. When the man finally left for his table, Makoto let out a breath and mentally shot out an SOS signal to Nagisa who was still puttering in the back. 

Makoto made the Americano first, the easiest. Putting a holder around it, he put it on the counter, hoping the man would come get it so he didn't have to go to their table. Next up, Haru's latte. Extra careful, Makoto tried to make the drink his best yet. Taking out the last clean cup, he poured the drink and drew in the foam. He was terrible at art, so he stuck with a basic leaf design anyone could do. 

The Americano was still on the counter, so steeling his nerves, Makoto carried both drinks to their table. 

"An Americano and latte," he interrupted, smiling with a churning stomach. 

Despite their slightly alarming appearances, the red head smiled, thanked him and took a delighted sip. Haru nodded and stared at his drink, eyes soft. Makoto left quickly, mumbling a 'you're welcome'. 

Nagisa was back, placing freshly washed cups on the counter. 

"They look interesting," Nagisa noted, nodding to the duo in the corner. Haru hadn't touched his drink yet, still reading, ignoring his companion's chatter. "I haven't seen them before, you?" 

Makoto shook his head and tried to go back to reading Gatsby, but curiosity won out. He watched, waiting for Haru to sip his drink. 

However, he was interrupted with twenty packed minutes of orders. Stressed out, Makoto completely forgot about the two and simply filled drinks. Some people wanted skinny lattes, others soy, and one crazy person ordered ten drinks and twelve pastries to go. When the crowd finally died down, an eldery couple waddled forward. Makoto told himself to breathe and genuinely smiled at the two. 

The man ordered two hot chocolates, one with a lot of whip cream, and took out a ten. He insisted they keep the change, so Makoto made sure the drinks were perfect and brought them to their table.

"Here you go, two hot chocolates. Can I get you anything else?" They quickly waved him away with a 'no thank you, dear'. Spotting a curling tattoo on the man's wrist, Makoto sucked in a breath. 

Looking at their table, Makoto saw Haru's cup was empty. Swallowing, he walked towards them. 

"Can I get this out of your way?" Makoto asked Haru, but he only glanced at him and then nodded. Fingers curling around the edges, Makoto finally saw the spine of the book and broke out into a grin. "Oh, that's a great book."

The book was an older, beaten copy of  _A Tale of Two Cities_ , which Makoto always read at least once a year. Haru looked him in the eyes for a moment before back to the book, nodding again. Slightly put out, Makoto excused himself and went into the kitchen to pile the latte cup in the sink. 

Was Haru mute? No, Makoto remembered, he did order a latte. Maybe he was just shy. But thinking back on his appearance, which Makoto was finding he liked a lot, he reasoned that maybe he was just a private person who liked the detail on his body. Nodding, Makoto walked back to the front, where Nagisa was stocking and numbering how many pastries they were going through. With as much stealth as he could muster, he put the left over change from the ten into the tip jar. 

Working at a cafe, Makoto learned his first day, wasn't all making drinks. Nagisa had trained him, explaining the numbering system and register, how to bake this and that, and finally, how to make the drinks. So stressed and nervous, Makoto had messed up and dropped so many things he thought he'd be fired. But Nagisa simply laughed and helped him clean up the spills. 

"It's okay, Mako-chan," he insisted and leaned closer, whispering. "I spilled a hot drink on my trainer my first day and burned a dozen cookies my second. Don't worry, you'll get your bearings soon. Just do yourself a favor and admit you're going to mess up, because you always will." 

Two months later of intense stress and a few giggle fests, Makoto was fine on his own, put on latte art duty. Nagisa complained he was terrible at it, always ruining the foam. Since both weren't masters of the arts, they stuck to the simple designs of leaves, smilies, and if they were feeling a little bold, a heart. 

"Oh, they're leaving," Nagisa complained, waving to the exiting pair. Makoto snapped his head to front and smiled, happy that Haru at least glanced at him, while his companion loudly thanked them and waved back. "Too bad, I didn't catch their names." 

-

Tuesdays were usually slow and calm, so Makoto always tried to catch a shift then. Luckily, Ai had a family thing and asked him to switch last minute. Coming in after two o' clock was always the best, and after sleeping in, catching up on his reading, and talking to his family on the phone, Makoto felt good. Nagisa was on shift too, along with a girl Makoto had only worked with a few times. He could never remember her name and she never wore her name tag. 

Distracted, Nagisa let Makoto take the register as he filled the orders. 

A few business men came in on their cellphones, laptop bags on their shoulders. After explaining they didn't serve decaf until after 5 pm for the fourth time, Makoto rang them up, already zoning out and humming happily. 

Two hours passed with ease, and Makoto thought about reading ahead in his Shakespeare class when the door jingled violently. Startled, everyone turned their heads at the disturbance, announcing Haru and his friend's arrival. 

"Rin," Haru muttered, turning pink in the face at the attention, and tugged at his friend's sweater. "S-S-Stop." 

"No, I don't think I will, Haru. God damn it all! He had the nerve to push you into the fucking pool!" At Rin's language, a few customers glared. 

Trapped, Haru burned brighter and pushed Rin to a corner, tugging on his gauges. They sat at a table and Rin whispered feverishly, before calming when Haru put a hand on his arm. Makoto, realizing he was staring, snapped to attention. A new customer was asking for a cookie. 

Nagisa put it on a plate, and Makoto apologized, taking the exact change. 

"So it's Rin and Haru, huh." Nagisa commented when the line was empty and Makoto glanced back at the pair. 

"I guess," Makoto tossed back, trying to seem uninterested. "That was the last sugar cookie, I'll get three more. That should be good right?" 

Nagisa stared at Makoto for a searching moment before nodding. "Get out some blueberry muffins too, just four. They need to thaw for an hour, remember?" 

Snatching the timer, Makoto nodded and went to work, going into the freezer, careful not to touch the frozen goods. He had done that too many times with his big hands and had to throw them away. The cafe had a strict policy, but Makoto was almost sure Nagisa ignored that rule, usually juggling six or more cookies in his hands. 

When he came back out, Rin was at the counter with Naigsa talking to him. Looking away when Rin glanced at him, Makoto took out a sheet of wax paper and put down the cookies and muffins. Punching in the time, he set it on the counter. To keep himself busy, he made another brew of coffee and wiped the counters. 

"Hey, Mako-chan," Nagisa called to him and reluctantly, Makoto looked to him. "I need another latte for Haru and a drip for Rin." 

Envious because he was already on a first name basis, Makoto nodded and went to work on their drinks. He finished Rin's first, simply filling the cup with coffee from the maker. Rin stayed by the counter this time and smiled at Makoto when he passed him his drink. 

"Thank you," he looked at his name tag and then back up. "Makoto. And sorry for the outburst earlier." He rubbed his neck.

Shocked, Makoto hastily waved his hands, nearly knocking over the cup he set out for Haru's latte. Rin sniggered, smirking. 

"No, not at all! Don't worry about it." 

Rin simply nodded, and headed to his table. Shrinking, Makoto sighed. He'd have to walk to their table with Haru's latte. 

Face burning from making a fool of himself, Makoto worked on the latte, ignoring Nagisa's looks. Drawing a smiling face in the foam, he paused to push down his embarrassment. Deducing from their last encounter, Haru was shy and didn't talk much. Ok, Makoto told himself, then just don't say much. 

Walking to their table, Makoto grinned and put down the latte. "Here you go, enjoy." 

He didn't wait around for the thank you he knew wasn't coming and walked back to the counter, set on not embarrassing himself any further. Picking up his previously abandoned dish rag, he went back to cleaning the counters. He had spilled a little milk making the latte and busied himself with mind numbing tasks. Checking the clipboard on the wall, he marked another pot brewing and turned around into Nagisa. 

Yelping, Makoto righted them before they could fall. 

"You seem flustered." Nagisa pressed and put his hands on his hips after they disentangled, "You didn't mess something up and not tell me, right? Are you being threatened by a gang again?" Makoto was seriously contemplating those few questions (he been threatened by a gang before?) before Nagisa gasped, "Oh I know!" He leaned in, trying to be quiet, but that just wasn't Nagisa, "You had  _that_ kind of dream, amirite?" He pushed his elbow into Makoto's ribs as he sputtered. 

Rin snapped his neck towards them, suppressing a snort. Haru further inched down in his seat. 

"No!" Makoto hissed and then quieter, "No I didn't, I'm just a bit swamped right now." It was a half-truth and Nagisa knew it, watching as Makoto rubbed his nose.

"Uh-huh," Nagisa's mouth steadily dropped in mock affirmation. "Well my shift ends in half an hour. You alright to lock up?" 

Makoto pursed his lips and said he was fine, ignoring Nagisa for the rest of his shift, only speaking to him when making drinks. He mixed a few he'd never made before, taking out the recipe binder, reading closely. Absorbed in the instructions and muttering to himself, he didn't notice Nagisa leave as he waved. Most of the customers offered their goodbyes before returning to their laptops or books. 

A stool scrapped against the floor and someone sat at the side bar. Makoto promised he be right there and finished off his final new drink. 

"What can I get you?" 

The customer was someone new, and obviously nervous. He pushed up his red glasses. 

"A peppermint tea, please." He handed him a credit card, but Makoto didn't look at the name, swiping it quickly and assuring the man he'd have his tea ready shortly. 

"Thank you." He replied and Makoto went to work, getting out the right tea bags. 

A clink of dishes alarmed him of another customer and he nearly dropped the box of tea bags in surprise. Haru was standing at the counter, pushing the empty latte cup towards Makoto. He nodded politely and left with Rin. 

"Bye!" Makoto nearly shouted and Rin laughed, waving. Haru paused and decided to wave himself, if lazily. 

For the rest of his long shift, Makoto couldn't stop smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having worked as a barista myself, I can confirm all of the stress. And the shenanigans we get up to when business is slow. ;)
> 
> Title from Fleet Foxes 'Your Protector'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa gets down to business (to defeat to huns of course) and Makoto finds a kitten. Cue adorableness and some new information about the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be updated every other day if my schedule allows. :)

Nagisa was pushing in chairs and wiping down tables when the door twinkled. Drawing his attention, he perked up when Rin and Haru entered. Both overlooked him and glanced at the counter, Haru frowning and Rin's thumbs out of his pockets. He nodded to Nagisa with a slight frown while Haru picked their usual table by the corner, book in hand. 

"Hey, Rin!" Nagisa chirped and bounced to the counter. "Let me guess..." Humming, Nagisa rubbed his chin. "Latte for Haru," Haru looked away quickly, nose back in his book. "And a drip with an extra shot of espresso for your grumpy face?" 

Rin laughed without humor and leaned on the counter. "Look, Nagisa," he leaned closer. "He's having a bad day and I hoped Makoto would be here. Haru seems to like him, so I dragged him out of the room he'd been holed up in for the past three days." 

Nagisa nodded, understanding. "The perfect remedy I have, young Skywalker." Rin seemed pleased, if a bit weirded out, but he nodded and ordered another drip for himself and a blueberry muffin. 

The blond gave Rin his coffee first, a sharpie'd smile on the side with the words 'Fighting!'. Rin snorted and put a dollar in the tip jar. Giggling to himself, Nagisa began to prepare Haru's drink with more care. Rin sat down, expecting Nagisa to deliver. Smiling, Nagisa finished his usual latte with a dash of cinnamon and a design that took him a long time. It looked a little wonky, but hey, it was the thought that counts he reasoned. 

"Here you go, Haru! One latte with a dash of happiness and kittens!" Nagisa put the cup and saucer on the table close to Haru's elbow, causing him to jump slightly. 

The latte was a large, instead of his usual small. The foam was white, sprinkled with cinnamon and a cat face looked up at him with a cute smile. Makoto would have melted at the sight, Nagisa thought, at first saving this design for him. But Haru's purpling eyes looked in need, so he acquiesced. 

Watching carefully, Nagisa thought he saw Haru's lip twitch. Without the ring in his lip, he looked pretty normal, if a bit peaky. 

"Oh, I forgot your muffin." Nagisa clapped his hands and turned right back around to get the muffin, acknowledging the regular customer who was waiting in line now. She waved him off, signalling she was in no hurry. 

"Thanks, Nagisa." Rin said, obviously cueing Haru to do the same. But he simply nodded, the color coming back to his cheeks. Considering his attempt a success, Nagisa went back to work humming after dropping off the muffin.

Nagisa subtely watched the two as he worked, mixing and brewing. Haru seemed a bit better, but not quite. He sipped at his drink with a thoughtful expression, but he still looked a bit lost. Rin kept up a steady conversation, not requiring Haru's imput. Haru seemed to prefer this, bookmarking his pages every so often to listen. 

Spilling a drink, Nagisa reluctantly focused. He magically managed to keep up with the 5:30 crowd before another coworker came in to help, clocking in. After counting 32 drinks for one party, he penned this information on the kitchen wall next to little notes everyone left each other. 32 was the newest record, the closest with Makoto's 27 drinks, seven of which he spilled. He beamed as he read over the notes. 

_32 is the new record! Didn't spill a single one!_

_We seriously need a change of music. Anybody want to make a mix?_

_Good work, everybody! We didn't spill anything for three hours straight! Then Makoto came in._

Nagisa snickered and walked back out front, managing to catch Haru leaving Rin. 

"Bye, Haru-chan!" He called and Haru haulted, eyes wide. Rin burst out laughing and pounded the table. Ears pink, Haru rushed out, tightly holding onto his book without further acknowledging Nagisa's well wishes. 

Nagisa made peppermint teas for two college girls he recognized before taking his break, sliding into the chair across from Rin. 

"You know, I thought your latte stunt actually worked, but then you had to go and say that." Rin was still laughing, leaning forward to gasp over his drink. 

"Of course it worked! It was my special 'cheer up, Haru!' latte. It's on the secret menu." Nagisa laughed with him, holding his gut as the two lost it. 

For a few minutes the two dissolved into laughter before sucking in air, wiping away tears. 

"Jesus, that was great." Rin began. "You know, he was in his room for three fucking days, just reading. I finally got him out with a promise of me buying his drink and taking him to go swim afterwards. I may have dropped an ice cream in the deal, but he left without honoring that part of the deal." 

Nagisa hummed, sitting up. "Oh, so you guys swim competively or something?" 

Rin took a sip of his drink and shrugged. "It's more of a hobby, honestly. He goes nuts over it, but whenever I mention actively pursuing it, he clams up." 

"Ah," Nagisa acknowledged and tested the waters. "He doesn't seem to talk much." 

Rin shook his head, putting down his drink, eyes sad. 

"No, he doesn't. And if he does it's just small words. He's got major anxiety and on top of that, a stutter." He grimaced and traced a pattern on the table. "Nervous as fuck around crowds and gets real crabby being out after a while. Damn idiot." 

Nagisa wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to say sorry because Rin would probably just tell him to shut up and change the subject. 

"Sounds like an introvert. My mom is too, so I understand. My dad had to drag her down the isle." Nagisa laughed, and Rin snorted, still drawing nonsense on the table. "He seems honest though, Haru-chan does." 

Rin looked up and paused, studying Nagisa before letting his face soften. 

"He really is, kind of blunt actually, but he's slowly getting better." 

-

Makoto left class, tired and glad that he only had a paper to write and fifty pages to read. He'd finish that quickly, make some dinner, and then go to bed. He let out a breath, groaning. He just wanted to sleep. 

Stepping out on the main road, he shifted his bag on his shoulder, jostling his books. Maybe he'd practice making designs for Haru's latte. There had to be something that could make him smile. Humming, content, Makoto nearly missed the small sound that made him freeze. 

A feeble, quiet mew drew his attention to the left around a few trashcans. Poking out behind a particularly dirty bin was a small white tail. Bending down, careful of the mess, Makoto found a kitten. Immediately he cooed and kneeled despite the trash, talking nonsense to the upset kitten. 

"Come here, little guy. Are you hurt? I won't hurt you, I promise. Come on," he picked up the squirming, mewing kitten. "Easy, it's okay now. What are you doing out here, huh?" 

Dwarfed by his large hands, the kitten shakily tried to escape, blue eyes wide, nails spread out in panic. Calmingly, Makoto stroked its head, neck, and down its bony body. Standing, Makoto turned back towards campus and the convience store outside its borders. Debating on calling Nagisa or Ai, Makoto didn't notice the person in front of him. Sheltering the dirty kitten from the blow, he apologized before snapping his mouth shut tight. 

Haru rubbed his shoulder and hastily bent to pick up his book. 

"I'm so sorry, Haru!" Makoto blurted out and Haru flinched, snapping back up in alarm before softening slightly when he saw the kitten. Staring at the mewing feline, Makoto held him out for Haru to touch. Hesitating, Haru glanced at it before looking away. 

"Sorry." He muttered and Makoto felt his heart race. 

Oh  _wow._ His voice was silvery and soft up close. Rebooting his brain, Makoto brought the kitten closer. 

"It was my fault, sorry. I just found this kitten so I was running to the store. I thought about calling Nagisa, he'd know what to do, but I still think he's working." Makoto babbled, nervous, and watched as Haru's shoulders inched downwards. His eyes were more calm now, glancing at the distressed kitten with concern. "If you don't mind, could you hold him while I get some things at the store? I'll have to bring him to the vet sometime, but he needs food and a litter box. I've never had a cat, so I don't know if I'll need anything else. I'm probably not allowed to bring him in the store." 

Haru took a few moments before nodding, ears a muted blush. Makoto sighed, relieved. 

"Thank you so much!" He said and they began walking towards the store, Makoto rambling to fill the silence, "I'll think I'll call Ai after this, I really don't know what to do. I think I'll just need cat food, and a bowl obviously, what else am I going to put the food in? A litter box too, or do kittens not know how to use one? Can you even train cats? Oh no, maybe I should call mom instead. She knows everything." 

Haru, amused, shrugged and held out a hand for the kitten as they stopped infront of the store. 

"I'll be quick!" Makoto said before rushing in. 

Shifting his weight from one foot to another, Haru held the wiggly kitten. Spying a bench, he sat and put his book aside, cradling the cat more securely, rubbing its head. Breathing deeply for ten seconds, Haru willed his heart to slow and his anxiety to disappear. He barely knew Makoto, but the guy acted so friendly. What if he called him out on his lack of response? He didn't want to run away, especially since he was worried about the kitten. But the nervousness was crawling up his spine, and he felt almost trapped. 

A pathetic mew distracted him and Haru continued to brush his thumb against the kitten, rewarded with a faint purr. It was calming down, breathing evening. Its eyes were blinking slowly. 

Pulling the kitten closer, Haru let its presence wash over him. If the kitten could calm down, so could he. Waiting only ten more minutes, Makoto finally exited the store, two bags in hand. 

"Oh, there you are. I called my mom and she said to take it to the vet tomorrow. I also got him some toys. Wait, is it a boy? I don't even know how to tell..." Makoto huffed, "Well, I got it food, litter, and a feather toy. Think he'll like it? There were little mice, but I couldn't bring myself to get them. They were too cute for him to destroy." 

Haru, calm now, looked him in the eyes. The kitten was napping in his fingers. 

"Oh wow, that's adorable." Makoto said, shifting the bags in his grip. "Would you mind carrying him to my apartment with me? It's just down two blocks and he seems to like you a lot." 

Stiffening, Haru thought about it. Two blocks was short and he would just have to walk in, put the kitten down, and leave. Decided, Haru nodded. Makoto beamed and Haru felt his pulse spike at the reaction. He quickly looked away and waited for Makoto to start walking. 

Talking the entire time, Makoto felt the tension leak out of the air. Haru continued to rub the kitten with a thumb and listen, nodding at appropriate times. He even offered a word when Makoto paused for breath. Makoto needed another minute to get it back. 

The apartment building was thirty stories, relatively clean, and a short walk from campus. Makoto was lucky to get a spot. They stood in the elevator silently, Makoto running out of things to talk about. When the doors chimed, the kitten mewed loudly and started wiggling again. Rushing to his door down the hall, Makoto unlocked it and let Haru inside. 

His apartment was clean despite his lack of time to manage it, and small. His living room was surrounded by books, papers, coffee mugs, and his laptop still sat open on his table. Setting down the bags on the kitchen counter, Makoto gestured to the bathroom. Haru reluctantly followed, his nervousness coming back. 

Pulling down a towel, Makoto filled the sink and took the kitten. 

"Thank you so much, Haru. I really appreciate it." 

"S-Sssure," he answered back, but snapped his mouth shut again.  _Crap._

Makoto simply turned back to the kitten, still smiling. The white feline mewed, stressed. Realizing he was being rude, Makoto snapped back up and shut off the sink. 

"We'll show you out, I don't want to keep you." Haru nodded, letting out a breath. 

At the door, Makoto waved and adorably moved the kitten's paw in a mock wave as well. When he shut the door, Haru looked back at the gold numbers and bit his lip. 

-

Sunday rolled around and Makoto clocked in at three, recharged from sleeping in and the vet visit the day before. 

"So, how's the kitten, Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked, making a frappucino without looking. 

Makoto grinned and gestured wildly. "She's great! Turns out he was a she," he laughed. "But she's fine, got her shots and tags. The vet said she's probably a few weeks old." 

Bringing up his hand, he showed Nagisa his wounds. 

"She doesn't like baths. Or me, apparently. She liked Haru enough." He huffed and looked away, missing Nagisa's double-take. 

"Wait, what? Did you say Haru?" 

He nodded. "Didn't I tell you? I literally ran into him and he helped me out. She went right to sleep in his hands." 

Nagisa raised a brow and put a lid on the drink before passing it off to its recipient. "That's so surprising, though." He wiped down the counter he had made a mess of, not watching, and pressed. "I was talking to Rin earlier. He said Haru-chan has some anxiety problems and even has a stutter. Also he's super introverted." 

Makoto didn't know how to react, thinking back on what happened. Nagisa's explaination made sense and filled in the gaps he was questioning. Haru didn't talk much, or even respond except out of politeness. But hearing he had a stutter really shocked him. He hadn't really noticed, as Haru didn't speak much. Silent, Nagisa left Makoto to think over that information, and took over the register. 

An hour passed quite busily, then it trickled down to maybe two drinks for a while. 

While Makoto trotted off to the kitchen to get more 'hot' cups, the door chimed. Nagisa smiled broadly at Rin's familiar face. 

"Hey, Rin! Where's Haru-chan?" 

Rin walked to the counter and sat on the stool, putting a hand to his cheek. 

"Where do you think? His bedroom. He's been there for a while now." 

Nagisa nodded and smirked, leaning mockingly on the counter, "So did you hear about his and Mako-chan's recent adventure?"

Rin's hand slipped and his head snapped up, slamming his elbow on the counter. 

"Shit, fuck,  _what_?" 

Nagisa snorted loudly and waved Makoto over as he walked out of the kitchen. Still holding his sore elbow, Rin glared at Makoto. 

"Uh, I didn't do it, whatever you're mad about." Makoto quickly quipped at Rin's thunderous expression. 

Nagisa laughed, slapping Makoto's arm. "Calm down, you didn't do anything wrong. I was just telling Rin that you and Haru-chan had an adventure and are kitten-saving heroes." 

"Yeah, okay, back up and start from the beginning." Rin demanded and Nagisa made his usual drip while Makoto explained what happened and then cooed over the kitten. Rin held up a hand at the fifth time Makoto called her ' _so cute!_ '. "I get the gist. But now Haru's holed up in his room again. Did something happen?" 

Alarmed, Makoto shook his head. 

"No! Not that I know of. I mean, I mostly talked the entire time and then he left. He seemed alright." 

Still suspicious, Rin continued to watch Makoto as he sipped his coffee for the rest of the time he sat there. Makoto, of course, ended up spilling more drinks than usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for all the wonderful feedback! I wasn't expecting so much! If you commented, thank you so much for your kind words :) Also, kudos to you who left kudos, the response to just the first chapter made my day. 
> 
> Next time, Nitori makes an appearance! And slowly, Makoto starts talking to Haru.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More comfortable around Makoto, Haru actually starts to open up. Also, enter Nitori!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the plot, I promise. I'm just a fluff-addict.

Another week passed without Haru or Rin coming in the cafe and Makoto felt horrible. He probably had a cold too, but the knowledge that he could've done something to make Haru hole up in his room made his stomach churn, sickness forgotten. Going over and over the adventure in his head, he couldn't think of anything that went wrong. Maybe because he made Haru help him? Well, he did agree. Huffing, Makoto gave a regular her change. 

"Is something wrong?" She inquired, readjusting the bag on her shoulder. Though he knew her from work and his Shakespeare class, Makoto couldn't really remember her name. It started with an 'E', maybe. Uncomfortable at the thought, he shook his head.

"Not really, sorry." He paused, desparately trying to remember her name. Coming up blank, he made up an excuse, promising her drink to be ready soon. 

She left him to his coffee making and sat at Haru and Rin's table. Twitching for a moment, Makoto forced himself to go back to working. In a few short minutes, he walked to her, despositing her frappucino with a smile. She didn't look up from her book, only mumbling a 'thank you'. The familiarity of the situation made him trip over his feet on the way back to the counter. 

"Mako-chan," Nagisa chimed, tying on his apron, just now clocking in. "Could you wash those dishes in the sink? My fingers will prune." 

Makoto frowned and quickly pointed out that his fingers would too, but went to the back anyway. Wednesdays were always slow, so only a few dishes were soaking in the sink. Trying to block the negative thoughts invading his head, he hummed a tune his brother and sister always sang. 

Maybe they would come today, he thought, still humming. He'd mused a lot about Haru in the days he'd been absent and even made up conversations for the two of them to have in his head. Gosh I'm pathetic, he thought, accidentally spraying water on his apron. He was already  _making up conversations._ Ten minutes after washing the dishes, drying his hands, and steeling himself to stop thinking about Haru for at least a minute, he exited the kitchen. 

"Ah, Mako-chan!" Nagisa grabbed his elbow and pushed him to the register. "I have like six drinks to work on, take Haru-chan's order please!" 

Haru stood at the counter, looking nervous, a bit pale, but otherwise normal. A thick, black lip ring was around his bottom lip and Makoto stared. 

Nagisa pushed him forward again with a thank you and began hastily making his orders. Snapping out of his pause, Makoto smiled brightly. Haru was here and without Rin, which was new. Feeling torn between happy and guilty that Rin wasn't present, Makoto punched in his numbers on the register. 

"Ah, hi Haru!" Excited, Makoto couldn't help but lean forward. 

"Hello." He replied and then flickered his gaze up to the menu. 

"Did you want something different from your usual latte?" He asked, also looking at the menu so Haru didn't feel pressured by his gaze. 

Haru hummed his confirmation and let out a breath. 

"A m-m-medium," He paused, and now Makoto could tell he had a stutter. But without acknowledging it, he waited and positioned his finger over the register, ready. Haru nervously licked at his lip ring, gaining the courage to continue. "Drriiiip." 

He huffed, disappointed in himself. He really wanted a peppermint tea, but he was already embarrassed with his fumbling words. So he ordered the easiest thing to say. He didn't even care for coffee much. 

Makoto, ever-bright, punched in his order and turned to get his drink. Twenty seconds later, Makoto was giving Haru his change and a final grin before he moved to help the next customer. Noticing that his table in the corner was taken, Haru made the reckless decision to sit on the counter stool. Heart pounding, he pulled out his book from his bag, put down his coffee, and forced himself to breathe. 

What if he doesn't talk to me, Haru thought, picking at the lid on his coffee. What if he's just being nice and doesn't actually want to talk to me? Is he just pitying me because of my stutter? Turning paler by the minute, he drank his bitter coffee. It's his job to be friendly, he reasoned, you're nothing special. 

Sighing, definitely depressed now and wishing he'd never left his room, he opened his book. He was almost finished and didn't want to be. Makoto said he liked  _A Tale of Two Cities_. What if he didn't like the next book he brought in, and started questioning him about it? Almost deciding to just leave, he glanced at Makoto. 

The barista was laughing at something Nagisa said, working the steamer without looking. Now a customer was at the counter, smiling and finishing a coffee related pun. The next moment Makoto burst out laughing, gripping Nagisa's smaller shoulder to stay up right. Jealous, Haru took another drink of his coffee. He wanted to be able to say something funny to Makoto and make him laugh. But he couldn't. He'd just mess it up and make a fool of himself. 

Wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, Makoto stood up and finished the drink. He handed it to the customer and waved him off through the door. Finding himself staring, Haru looked at his book. He stared at the same sentence until his eyes unfocused and everything blurred. 

"Oh, you're nearly done!" Snapping his head up, Haru saw Makoto leaning forward, looking at the book in his hands. "Have you read it before?" 

Haru, stunned that Makoto even started a conversation, just nodded, unable to speak. 

Eyes brightening, Makoto mirrored Haru's position, elbows up. 

"It's one of my favorites. I try to read it every year. I'm thinking about writing my thesis paper on it in the spring." He saw Haru's questioning look and gestured wildly, "I'm a classical literature major, and Dickens is obviously classical." 

Smooth, he thought. Feeling stupid, Makoto took a different direction. 

"Have you ever read any Austen?" He looked genuinely curious. Without meaning to, Haru responded verbally. 

"No," he paused, happy his first word out wasn't jumbled. "I haven't g-g-gotten around to hhher stack." 

Makoto didn't seem to notice his stutter and feeling bolder, Haru put down his book, his usual barrier. 

"Oh, so you have stacks, huh? I have so many. All my bookshelves are full, so I have a couple of stacks by my bed. Well, you saw my living room." Makoto laughed and then smacked a hand on the counter, making Haru jump. "Oh! I completely forgot to tell you! The kitten is doing great, I gave her bath when you left. I also took her to the vet last week and she's healthy! I decided to keep her." 

Haru smiled slightly, remembering the night he left Makoto's apartment and how the two waved him goodbye. 

"W-what's her name?" 

"Uh, I haven't named her offically yet. I have just been calling her 'Kitten' so far. It didn't seem right to name her without you somehow." 

Face heating up, Haru looked away, pushing down a very satisfied feeling that was rising in his gut. Was Makoto always this sincere and kind? He was about to die from his kindess, it was way too adorable. 

Makoto didn't catch Haru's embarrassment. "What do you think? She eats a lot, sleeps in between my feet, and likes to climb my books." 

Haru couldn't think of name on the spot, much less when he imagined a sleepy kitten in between a sleepy Makoto's feet. His brain shut down at the mental image. 

"Nagisa suggested Coconut, because she's white and fuzzy, but I don't think it fits. She's kind of wild, honestly, I'd feel weird naming her after a nut. I asked Rin too last week and he said he didn't care and to ask you." 

Haru tried to keep up with the conversation, but was failing. 

"I-I-IIII," he paused, throat not working. "Don't knnnow." 

"Hmm." Makoto hummed and his tongue peeked out between his lips. Haru looked away again, knocking his lip ring nervously. "Well, she's a girl, if I haven't already said that. The vet double checked when I asked. What about..."

"Ah, Mako-chan, can you help me? We just got an order of seven coffees and a dozen cupcakes." Nagisa interrupted, looking upset that he had to. Makoto quickly nodded, apologizing for not paying attention. 

"Sorry, Haru. I'll be back. Keep thinking." 

-

Haru left early Wednesday and hadn't come back since. It was Saturday and Makoto was beginning to think he'd pushed a little too much asking Haru so many questions. Nagisa took the day off, not explaining why and Nitori took his shift. He was newest to the team and a bit nervous around customers, despite his cheery attitude. He'd only spilled a few drinks in his three months of employment and everybody teased Makoto about it. 

"Ah," Nitori exited the kitchen, the door slamming him in the back. "I'll never get used to that door." 

Makoto let out a small snort, amused. Nitori was one of the nicest people he knew. He was short, kind, and a little shy. Makoto felt like a giant next to him, even more so than Nagisa. Maybe Nagisa's big personality made up for it. 

"It took me six months," Makoto added to his friend's distress. "My heels were blistered for forever, you just have to be quick." 

Nitori nodded and went to the register's counter, wiping down a small spill. Makoto decided the cakes looked uneven and went to fix them.

He was rearranging the display when Rin opened the door, the bell jingling violently like it always did when he entered. Yelping in alarm, Nitori hit his elbow on the register. He stared openmouthed at Rin, who grinned in Makoto's direction, who waved, trying not to feel disappointed that Haru wasn't with him. 

"Yo, it's been a while Makoto." He began, but stopped when he noticed Nitori still staring. "What, is there something on my face?" 

Flustered, Nitori wildly waved his hands and apologized. Taking pity on his friend, Makoto put on arm on his shoulders. 

"This is Nitori, he's a bit new and doesn't usually work on weekends. Nitori, this is Rin, a good friend and regular." 

Nitori nodded, smiling brightly. Rin glanced at him before taking a look at the menu. 

"I'll have a medium drip and hot chocolate to go." Nitori scrambled to put in his order while Makoto began putting together the drinks. 

"Where's Haru?" He asked, trying to sound innocent. He knew Rin didn't care for him being around Haru for some reason. 

Protective as always, Rin gave him a long look. "He's home, he caught a little cold from swimming outside for four hours." 

Makoto fumbled the lid he was trying to put on the drip. "Four hours? It's nearly fifty degrees outside!" 

Rin nodded, and rolled his eyes, agreeing. "Yep, but that's Haru. I'm bringing him the hot chocolate because I'm in a good mood and he looked really down when I told him not to come with me." 

Hope flared in Makoto's chest, but quickly died down. He was sick, he shouldn't be happy about it. Finishing the drip first, he slid it to Nitori, who had been watching the two converse with a silent, thoughtful gaze. Nitori happily handed Rin the drink, who smiled in returned. Reddening, Nitori went back to wiping the counter, counting backwards from one hundred. 

Makoto grabbed a sharpie after he finished the hot chocolate and penned a little note on the side. 

**Get better soon, Haru! -Makoto & Kitten**

Rin glared at the note before snorting, paying, and waving goodbye. Makoto and Nitori both wished him a good afternoon. 

Glancing at his fellow barista, Makoto nudged him in the side. 

"So," he drawled out and waited until he had his full attention. Rin was still standing outside the cafe door, phone in his hand. He finally left after a long moment. "He's cute, right?" 

Nitori sputtered, knocking into a box of napkins on the floor, but hastily righted himself. Makoto couldn't help it, he laughed until he felt like his gut was bursting. 

-

Bringing the Austen book with him everyday to work finally paid off when Haru came back to the cafe, alone again. He didn't look as pale or nervous, and thanked Makoto (and Kitten) for the hot chocolate with only one fumbled word. 

"Of course!" Makoto beamed, feeling confident that he could actually normally talk to him now, "Are you feeling better? Rin said you swam for four hours in the cold!" 

Huffing, Haru sat on the stool by the counter again. Glancing at the empty table in the corner, Makoto had to hold down the urge to squeal and dance. 

"Rin is an idiot." He said it without stuttering, sounding confident and in a tone that brooked no argument. He laughed at Haru's absolutely serious expression. 

"Well, since you're almost finished with  _A Tale of Two Cities_ , I brought you my favorite Austen book." He dove under the counter, grabbed the book, and reappeared. Haru looked a little flushed. " _Northanger Abbey_ is first, next to  _Emma_." 

Haru couldn't ever remember hearing about Austen writing something called _Northanger Abbey_ , but still mysteriously satisfied, he took the offered book without voicing his observation. 

"Not many people know she even wrote it since  _Pride and Prejudice_ and  _Emma,_ with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightely being popular and perfect men, usually steal the spotlight." 

Mind screeching to a halt, Haru replayed that sentence in his mind. Did Makoto just say that with an almost wistful inflection? Did he maybe...

"But since you're almost finished, I thought you might want to read it. I thought about you a lot this week and I hoped you'd like it." Makoto had a completely innocent and genuine smile on his face that Haru  _knew_ Makoto was being sincere. Feeling his heart pound and face heat, the book slipped between his fingers. 

A mighty slap echoed in the cafe and everyone looked to the pair. 

Oh god, oh no, I'm so--Haru felt his mind slipping into fear, anxiety creeping up his throat, tightening until he could barely breathe. Everyone was looking at him, probably thinking  _what a freak what's wrong with him he's acting strange._ Haru gripped the edges of the counter and took a few gasps of air.  _  
_

Makoto, seeing Haru's face change from surprise to humiliation, straight to fear, leaned forward. He grabbed his wrists, pulled them away from the edge and held his hands. 

"It's okay, Haru." He said softly, wishing people would just turn around. He sent them a few pleading looks and they politely went back to their drinks or books, glancing from the corners of their eyes. "Hey, Haru, look at me." 

Slowly Haru looked up, eyes wide, chest heaving like a cornered animal. He was shaking and holding onto Makoto's hands with a fierce grip. 

"It's just us, Haru." His smooth voice seemed loosened the grip on his throat bit by bit until he could take a deep breath. "Just focus on me. The book just fell, you didn't do anything wrong." 

His last words broke the spell and Haru came back under control. He took a few moments to level his breathing before leaning forward, resting his forehead on Makoto's hands, still intertwined with his own. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Nitori talk about their crushes and Makoto is jelly. Haru reappears with Rin and offers friendship. More kitten time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short! It's sort of a transitional chapter.

Another week passes and then two days. Makoto, worried and miserable out of his mind, spills and messes things up more than usual. Haru quickly left after the book incident and hadn't come back yet. Rin had, not even glaring at Makoto, but ignoring him to talk amiably with Nitori, who was beside himself with happiness. The two seemed to become fast friends. 

Rubbing out another caramel drizzle mess, Makoto sighed and thought about Haru. He seemed to plague his thoughts and never leave. Was he okay? Would he come back? Makoto had the thought of maybe asking Rin for his number so he could send him a message, but chickened out. He didn't know Haru that well, and despite wanting to, didn't think Haru even wanted him to. 

They'd been making progress, Makoto thought, still rubbing the same spot on the counter. The mess was gone. 

"You swim?" Nitori exclaimed, practically bouncing with joy at Rin, who smirked, obviously enjoying the attention. "Oh, we should go to the beach together then sometime. That'd be fun, maybe Spring Break? The weather should be nice then." 

Rin laughed, "That's quite a while away. But good idea, Nitori, we should plan something." 

Nitori glittered, Rin's praise giving him hope. Makoto looked away, uncharacteristically sour. There was a line at the register, so he went forward. 

"What can I get you?" He thought he recognized the man in the red glasses, but he couldn't put a name to him. Goodness, he was terrible with names. 

"A medium peppermint tea, please." He pushed up his glasses and handed him a card. Peeping at the name, Rei Ryugazaki, Makoto accepted that he indeed didn't recognize it. 

"Sure thing." He swiped the card and got to work. Rei sat a stool away from Rin and Nitori, pulling out a notebook of mathematical formulas. Head swimming from all the numbers, Makoto pulled out the right tea bag and finished the drink. 

-

"This is the eleventh time you've sighed pathetically and looked at the door, Mako-chan." Nagisa informed his friend, who slumped. 

"I know..." He muttered and leaned on the counter, chin in his hand as he watched the door. 

Nagisa grabbed Nitori who was running out of the kitchen, wary of the door. He elbowed him in the ribs with a smirk. 

"I'd say it's a case of inrequited love, Ai-chan." He pointed at Makoto who didn't acknowledge Nagisa's comment. 

Nitori blushed, and rubbed his ribs. "Who does he like, again?" He whispered. 

"Why, Haru-chan of course!" Nagisa said loudly and Makoto quickly looked at him and then the register. He sighed when he wasn't there and turned back to the door. Snickering, Nagisa put an arm around Nitori. "Haru-chan is always with Rin-chan." Nagisa explained, whispering now. 

Nitori's ears turned pink and Nagisa jumped on the opportunity. 

"Ooooh, do you have a crush too Ai-chan?" 

Nitori pushed Nagisa away hurriedly, "O-Of course not! And you're one to talk, Nagisa! You like that one guy, the one with the glasses! You wouldn't stop talking about him, after your date Saturday!" 

Nagisa put a hand over Nitori's mouth when a costumer walked up, looking at the menu before shooting them worried looks. 

"That's classified, Ai-chan." Nagisa asserted and went to get the man's order at the register.

Makoto, resigning himself to the fact that Haru wouldn't suddenly appear if he wished hard enough, turned back to work. He had hear their conversation. Those two were horrible at keeping quiet, despite their best efforts. Nagisa went on a date? With who? And he didn't have a crush, did he? He didn't know Haru that well, but the overwhelming need to washed over any doubts. He was just so interesting. He was a walking contradiction. Haru dressed like someone who'd be extremely confident and socially unconcious. He had nine visible piercings, but no tattoos as far as he knew (he'd definitely wanted to know though). 

Maybe he had one on his back. Imagining it, Makoto created a wave-like design in blues in his mind's eye. Yeah, that'd probably suit Haru. It would match his eyes. 

"Mako-chan, you're drooling!" 

-

When he walked into work the next afternoon, Rin and Haru were seated already. Tripping over his feet, Makoto rushed to the breakroom to put on his apron and pulled out  _Northanger Abbey_ and Haru's abandoned copy of  _A Tale of Two Cities_. He'd kept the books in his locker ever since Haru left, hoping that maybe he'd at least come back for the books if not for himself.

Taking a deep breath, he walked behind the counter and put on his brightest smile. 

"Haru!" He called, holding out the books. 

Haru looked up immediately, if a bit hopefully. He's still talking to me, Haru thought, relieved. He doesn't hate me.

"You left your book." He pushed the Dickens novel on the counter and hesitantly brought up the Austen book. "Also, if you still want to borrow it..." He trailed off, putting the book on the counter too. 

Haru took a breath and nodded. 

"T-T-Thank you." 

The miserable feeling that had taken residence in Makoto's stomach for the past week vanished. Replacing it was a feeling of merriment. 

"You're welcome! I," He paused, thinking if he should say it. After a weird look from Rin, he forged ahead. He'd be honest. "I missed you. It's been so long." 

Smiling, Makoto turned around to the register, hiding his blush, but mostly the stupid grin on his face. He could feel it spread, warmth curling his toes. 

Rin snorted behind him, surprisingly quiet, before calling Makoto. "Oi, Makoto. I want another Americano to go. And Haru wanted a latte." 

Nodding, Makoto punched in their order on the register closest and then juggled their drinks. As always, he poured out Rin's faster and took his time on Haru's. He'd been practicing latte art the past week, hoping that if Haru did come back, he could draw him something to cheer him up. When he finished, and sprinkled the cinnamon on the foam, he saw that Rin was leaving, waving. 

He waved goodbye and put the latte on the counter. 

In the foam was a cat, like Nagisa had showed him, but it wasn't his best. 

"I've been practicing so next time you got a latte, it'd actually look decent." He admitted, rubbing the back of neck. 

Haru, ears pink, thanked him and pulled it closer to observe it. The drawing reminded him of Kitten and the hot chocolate Makoto had made him when he was sick. Warmed at the thought, he looked up. 

"How is s-sshe, your c-cat?" He grimaced at his stutter. Makoto simply beamed, not noticing his fumble. 

"Oh, she's great! She nearly destroyed my couch though, so I bought her a scratching post. I'm always gone, unfortunately, whether its work or class, so she meets me at the door every night. It's so cute." 

Haru nodded and took a sip of his drink, careful of the drawing. 

"You should see her though," Makoto continued, sliding down to hold his chin in his hand. "She's much bigger. And eats so much, I'm thinking of cutting her back. Her belly is adorable, but I'm worried it'll start habits. My brother and sister suggested I get a laser pointer. But don't tell Nagisa that, he'd never leave my house." 

Makoto laughed at his own joke and smiled when he noticed Haru had made a sound similiar to a snort. 

"Just yesterday she pounced on my toes under the covers. I nearly kicked her off the bed, I was so surprised. She wasn't happy when I put her in the bathroom for the night. I woke up and she wouldn't let me touch her. I think I'm on the couch tonight." 

Haru hummed in affirmation, a playful look in his eyes. "I'd put you there." 

Flushing, Makoto laughed weakly, imagining it. "Well, I should get back to work. Let me know how you like the book." He paused and gathered his courage. "D-Do you think I could have your number?" 

Not expecting his question, Haru knocked his knee against the stool next to him. He thought for sure his flirtation had turned Makoto away. After balancing himself and trying not to think about the humiliation that would soon invade, he nodded.

"D-D-Do you haaave paper?" He asked, throat closing again. He was happy, nervous, and all together elated Makoto had asked. 

Makoto hurriedly provided pen and paper, watching as Haru penned down his number. 

"Thanks, Haru. I'll send you some pictures of Kitten later." Turning around, Makoto went to the register. 

Haru watched his back, cheeks on fire.  _Crap_ , he thought, that did it.  _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kitten will finally get a name! Also, fluff! More Nitori and Rin!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru makes great progress with his anxiety, Kitten is christened a name, and Nitori may or may not have a date (he isn't sure).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, its kinda short... oopsie. Swowwyyy...

The third day Haru came in alone, Makoto could hardly smile, his cheeks throbbing. Haru would sit at the counter,  _Northanger Abbey_ out and order a latte, but always waited for Makoto to say hello. Their conversations and smiles were routine, and while Makoto was extremely happy Haru was talking to him, he couldn't help but feel... unsatisfied. 

He was selfish, he knew. He had enough, just to be in Haru's company, but the desire to completely  _know_ him was overwhelming his manners. His mom would probably pull his ear (if she could reach it) and remind him to be polite. Haru was cautious, introverted, and quiet. He deserved his privacy. 

Saturday afternoon rolled around and Makoto was on shift with Nitori. Seeing Haru come in alone made Nitori deflate and quickly offer to take the register, eyes impish, if a little disappointed. Smiling despite the pain, Makoto skipped to the counter Haru occupied. 

"Hey, Haru." He began and Haru gave him a head tilt, lips quirked. Makoto labeled that as 'happy, amused' and promptly melted. "Did you have a good day?" 

Feeling like a housewife, Makoto looked down at his Austen book that Haru set on the counter. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks to stay.

"Yes," Haru answered, preferring short words. "Yyyou?" 

Makoto tossed his dice and looked up, aware of the red shade of his face. He was curious to see what Haru would do if he flirted. Did he possibly have a chance? 

"It was okay, but better now that you're here." The moment the words left his mouth he had to fight to hold his neutral expression. Inside, he was dying of embarrassment and the thought process of:  _wow you're so smooth, way to go, you sound ridiculous, he's going to call you an idiot._

Haru, mind currently shut down, felt his pulse spike. Wait. What. 

Clearing his thick throat, his face absolutely the shade of a nasty sunburn, Makoto hastily added, "Um, so, how's the book? Do you like it so far? Did you get to the part when she's in Bath?" 

Still trying to understand his first sentence, Haru only nodded. He really hadn't gotten to that part yet, finally finishing  _A Tale of Two Cities_ and too nervous to actually pick up the book when he got in his bedroom. 

"Oh I'm so glad you like it," Makoto let out a breath, slowly gaining back his confidence. Haru didn't shut him down. Maybe he just didn't get he was trying to flirt? "So, can I get you a latte?" 

"Y-y-yes." For a such a small word, Makoto was kind of surprised he'd stuttered so badly. Oh god, he scared him didn't he? 

"Its on me, don't worry." Makoto turned and mentally kicked himself. He definitely would be waiting to use the heart design in the foam. 

"T-Thank yyou." 

An hour passes after Makoto serves him his latte, heart-free, but with a smiling face. He tries not to bother him, helping Nitori out when there are a lot of orders. Haru, pretending to read, watches. 

Did Makoto flirt with him? Whoa, what was that even like? It had never happened to him before and he had no idea what to do. His little pick-up line was more endearing than flirty. Falling farther down the hole, Haru waited an hour, staring at a book before deeming it necessary to turn the page so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. 

But... what if he wasn't flirting? Sure it looked like he'd been blushing, but he could have just imagined it, wanting him to be blushing, to return his feelings. 

Lowering the book, Haru sighed. No, he'd push through his anxiety. Catching his green eyes, he waited until Makoto was walking toward him. 

"T-T-T-Thank you for t-t-the bbbboook." Haru stuttered, red in the face, teeth clenched. He at _least_ wanted to get over his stutter for Makoto. Clutching his book to his chest with both hands, he tried again. "It's v-very good."

Elated that Haru was still making an effort to talk to him, Makoto bounced forward.

"Of course! I'm glad you like it." Noticing his unease, Makoto rambled on about the volume so he didn't have to speak (he was good at ranting), watching as Haru's shoulders slowly relaxed, eyes gentle.

Maybe he didn't fudge their relationship. Maybe Haru liked him too. 

-

**This is when she fell in my laundry. (+1 attachment)**

Makoto sent a picture of Kitten when she tumbled in his clothes basket, pouncing on a vicious sock when Makoto put his fingers inside to tease her. While he was still bleeding from the attack, he couldn't help but snap a picture and immediately send it to Haru. 

**She's so big. And nice socks.**

Makoto bolted to the basket and found Kitten still at war with his cartoon socks. Oh. Yeah. Those socks. 

Picking up the nearly ruined pink and purple socks, unfortunate gifts from his brother and sister, he tossed them on the living room floor so she could continue her conquest on better ground. Picking her up and placing her on the pair, Makoto sat and watched. Debating on whether or not to invite Haru over (to see Kitten of course), he watched. His phone buzzed after a few minutes. 

**Did you ever name her?**

No, he hadn't. He meant it when he told Haru he wouldn't without him. 

 **Nope. Help me name her, she could develop a split personality if we don't hurry.**  

That made sense in my head, Makoto thought. It took Haru longer to reply and Makoto nearly fell asleep on the floor before his phone buzzed again. 

**What about Athena? Her eyes remind me of the description of Athena in The Odyssey.**

Vaguely recalling  _The Odyssey_ from his freshman year, he remembered Athena described as the 'Bright-Eyed Goddess'. Watching Kitten effectively kill the socks and thinking that Athena was the goddess of wisdom and warfare, Makoto found himself loving the name. It was perfect. 

**That's perfect!!!!!!!!! Are you always this amazing?**

He sent the text without really thinking. But the moment it repeated itself on his screen, he dropped his phone. Athena jumped to the side, startled. She seemed to glare at him, before running off to his bedroom, tumbling on the way over her short legs and round belly. 

"Why am I such an idiot? Oh no, he's not going to text back. What do you even say to that? Uhh, _thanks_?" He snorted and gripped his phone, willing for there to a message failure. Underneath the text that ruined his good mood was the confirmation that it had been delivered. 

The icon that signalled Haru was typing popped up. Disappeared. Popped up. Disappeared. 

"Nooooo, I'm so sorry Haru!" He yelled at his phone and ran to his bedroom to hide his face in his pillow. "Crap crap crap crap crap, I'm so stupid!" 

It buzzed. 

Makoto felt like he was getting his final exams back. He could never look at his grade, choosing to have Nagisa look at them the next day. Except now it was ten times worse. 

Yelping in pain, Makoto looked to his feet. Athena had scaled the bed, eyes glittering, nails in his toes. Gathering his courage, he turned on his screen, but closed his eyes. 

"Come on, you can do this. Come on, Makoto. He might just ignore it." 

**Yes.**

Bursting out laughing, Makoto felt like he was floating, relieved and feeling even more idiotic. 

-

"And, viola! A mocha latte with a dash of cinnamon and a masterpiece by yours truly." Makoto announced and dropped the drink on the counter. 

Haru looked up from  _Northanger Abbey_ , but seemed thoroughly unamused. He just nodded, humoring his crush (holy  _wow_ that's terrifing to admit). He put down the book, trying not to look him in the eyes. 

The drawing in the latte... he didn't have a clue. Some kind of reptile? Symbol? Were those waves? Then it hit him. 

"A d-d-dolphin?" He said, trying his best to make it seem like an observation and not a really confused question. Makoto beamed, nodding. 

"Ever since you said it was your favorite animal, I've been practicing." He picked up another drink to finish off for Nagisa, "The dorsal fin was the hardest." He admitted. 

Haru let out a laugh and shook his head fondly. "It's good," He looked Makoto in the eyes, "You're improving." 

"Mako-chan! Seriously!" Nagisa called, rushing forward with a rag. He'd spilled the drink in his surprise. 

Blushing and fumbling to clean up the mess, Makoto rambled apologises and nonsense. When the mess was gone, Makoto straightened and forced himself to look at Haru, who seemed like he was trying to keep from laughing. Makoto appreciated his restraint. 

"Well, I-I-I have to gggo." Haru put the book back in his bag, finished off his latte, licking off the foam stache left behind. "I'll bring y-you a bbbboook next time." 

He left in a hurry, barely acknowleding Makoto's good byes and wave. Makoto slumped forward, bummed. 

"Aw, that's too bad. But good for my teeth, you too were so sweet I was getting cavities." Nagisa said, drawing Makoto's attention away from the door. "So... when are you going to ask him out?" 

Makoto knocked over the same napkin box Nitori did when he had asked the same question in surprise. He supposed it was karma and ignored the question and Nagisa for the rest of his shift, 'sunburnt' again. 

-

"I... I think I have a date." Nitori said over the phone and Makoto spit out his drink all over Athena. She scrambled away, disturbed and offended. 

"Wait,  _what_? With Rin? Are you serious!" Makoto hastily coughed out, setting down his drink while looking for a napkin. "What do you mean, 'you think'?"

Nitori was silent for a moment, "Um, well, he invited me to his swim practice so afterwards we can go get dinner." 

Makoto thought about it, then shrugged. "I've never been on a date before, but that sounds like one to me. Was he... embarrassed at all when he asked you?" 

"I don't know, maybe? He really wouldn't look at me and kept pulling on his gauges. Did you know I can fit my pinky finger in them?" 

Makoto shook his head, not needing that information. "You're getting way off topic. That's kind of weird, actually. But, from what you've said, I'd say it's a date." 

Nitori's end got was full of static for a moment, like he'd let out a nervous breath. Makoto didn't blame him. He'd been overanalyzing things too, freaking out, and probably calling his mom--no wait, he'd call Nagisa. Apparently  _he_ already went on a date. And didn't tell him about it. Put out and slightly annoyed, Makoto sighed. 

"Well, have fun with Rin. You two get along great, he's a good guy." 

Nitori laughed softly, "Thank you. That means a lot. I just... don't know if I should get ahead of myself though. I mean, what if it isn't a date? I'd be so embarrassed." 

"Maybe just let him set out the terms. If he kisses you at the end of the night on your doorstep, then it was a date." 

Nitori began babbling, but Makoto was utterly serious. He'd seen movies and read books. That's how dates went apparently. Imagining himself on a date with Haru, he could see them at the movies, getting coffee (when he wasn't making the drinks and actually off), or kissing on the doorstep. Face flaming, he hung up, forgetting all about Nitori. 

Oh god, now that the thought was in his mind, he  _really wanted to kiss Haru._

Groaning, he grabbed his couch pillow and smothered himself with it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, you finally get some Reigisa! I'm so sorry it has taken this long, but that's how I wrote my outline and the progress between Makoto and Haru had to happen. Anyway, it will be a full chapter just for Rei and Nagisa.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Nagisa's few weeks and date. Finally, he talks to Makoto about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know quite a few people have been waiting patiently for this chapter, so here you go, some Reigisa!

As a mathematics major, track champion, and intern, Rei didn't have _time_ to date, let alone think about romance. So when the universe dropped his soulmate in his lap on the train, he hypothesized that maybe he should make some. 

He had given up his seat for a very pregnant woman and three stops later, reclaimed it. He also couldn't help but notice a blond boy in pink and yellow stand close to him the entire ride, so he pulled out his textbook for Physics 102. Finals were coming up and no matter how cute his neighbors on the train were, he couldn't lose focus. 

Mentally calculating a few problems in his head, he didn't notice the blond boy stand in front of him until it was too late. The boy had reached into his bag for something and the train screeched to a sudden halt, like always. Shouting, he fell right onto Rei's textbook and lap, grabbing onto his neck probably out of impulse to balance himself so he wouldn't fall out of his lap. Instinctively, Rei reached out to grab his waist so he wouldn't kiss the floor. 

When the train's doors hissed open, a few people began clapping. Rei felt himself turn pink and the boy in his lap started giggling. It was probably the most adorable laugh he'd ever heard in his entire life and his chest felt comfortably warm at the sound. The boy smelled of coffee, was outfitted in a yellow sweater with a small penguin on it, and had the prettiest twinkling eyes. Despite being a man of science and reason, he knew in an instant he was in love. 

"I'm so sorry!" The boy said in between giggles, still holding onto his neck. "Thank you for saving me." His fruity voice took on a lower quality that was making Rei question his morals. 

"Of course!" Rei nearly shouted, flustered, in love, and definitely losing his mind. He was fumbling for an explaination for his feelings, but when the boy smiled, his mind short-circuited and for the first time ever, failed him. 

"Um," The boy mumbled, starting to match the color of his pants (a vibrant pink which should be hideous, but was way too cute). "I'll get off now." 

Rei snapped back his arms, which had begun to relax around his lap. Mumbling a thousand apologies, Rei helped him stand. 

"It's okay," He assured Rei, who was still trying to get his mind to reboot and come up with a way to keep talking to the boy. "I'm Nagisa, by the way." 

Recognizing the opening, Rei pounced and shook Nagisa's outstretched hand. 

"Rei," He answered and pushed up his red glasses. He stood up and his crumpled textbook fell from his lap. 

They both bent down to pick it up and ended up smacking heads. Nagisa started giggling again and sat on the train floor, holding his stomach. A few passengers let out laughs too, while Rei fought to control his blushing. His head hurt now, but the physical knocking turned his brain back on. 

"Are you okay? From both the fall and just now." 

Nagisa took a breath and smiled again. Rei's breath left him. 

"I'm fine, thanks to you Rei-chan." His blush brightened and Rei felt embarrassement threaten to rise up. "What about you? I'm told I have a really hard head." 

Rei waved him off, pushing up his glasses again. It was a habit he had, but Nagisa guessed he didn't notice. It was kind of endearing. 

"I'm perfectly alright," He picked up his textbook, didn't even fret over the bent pages and offered Nagisa a hand. "Here." 

Nagisa eagerly accepted and didn't let go until a passenger coughed to hid a giggle. Both looked away shyly. 

-

A week went by and Nagisa couldn't get Rei out of his head, no matter how much of a distraction Rin and Haru provided. When he looked at Makoto and Haru being adorable, his throat tightened and he imagine him and Rei in their situation. Even if the two didn't know it yet, they were perfect for each other. And being the trickster that he was, he talked to Rin for information and relayed his results to Makoto. 

Now on shift with Nitori, Nagisa was helping him remember his drinks. 

"The best thing about this cup is that it has a little cheat sheet," Nagisa pointed to the side of the cup, where measurements were pictured next to the sizes. "If you can't remember and someone isn't around for you to ask about how many pumps or how much milk, this will be your plan B." 

Nitori, still nervous despite working for a while now, nodded in understanding. 

"Could you go and get out four peanut butter cookies? They're in the second freezer, bottom shelf." Nitori nodded again, and went through the door, a muffled yelp on the other side. He'd caught his heels in the door again. 

Snickering, Nagisa turned to the register and froze. 

"Nagisa?" 

"Rei-chan?" 

Forgetting everything else, Nagisa rushed forward to the counter and beamed. 

"Fancy meeting you here!" He exclaimed, absolutely beside himself with happiness. 

"Yeah, campus is just down the road," Rei pointed, red in the face. "Have you always worked here?" 

Nagisa nodded eagerly, feeling like dancing. "I've been here for a couple of years. Oh wow, I just never expected to see my hero again. Can I get you anything?" 

Rei, absolutely caught-off guard, felt his brain shut down again. Nagisa seemed good at making him a bumbling mess. 

"T-That's too much, calling me a hero. You just fell for-- _on_ me." He hastily corrected, coughing. He pushed up his glasses again. "Um, I guess I'll have a peppermint tea." 

Sharp, but subtle (sometimes), Nagisa smiled to himself as he punched in Rei's order. He totally caught his fumble in words, but being nice, Nagisa pretended he hadn't. 

"Small, medium, or large?" He inquired, leaning forward. Unconciously, Rei leaned back. 

"Medium." 

"Coming right up!" Nagisa finished with the register, the total shining on the front. He left to finish the drink so Rei could get his money. "So, whats your major, Rei-chan?" 

"Oh, um, mathematics." Rei felt awkward and self-concious. There was no way Nagisa would actually care. A lot of people, upon hearing his major, made excuses to change the subject or leave. 

But Nagisa just hummed in approval and snapped a lid over the hot drink. 

"It suits you," He chirped and grabbed Rei's outstretched card, sliding it. "You seem like the science-y, smart type." 

Rei took his tea, thanked him and sat on the stool by the counter. He pulled out his notebook with his notes, an attempt at studying for finals. But Nagisa didn't leave his company except to fill orders or help his fellow barista. 

For two hours they talked about everything and nothing. Nagisa asked him about his hobbies, past times, and even his major. Still in shock, Rei blurted everything out he could, waiting for Nagisa to make up an excuse to leave him, or to make a crack about his passion. But he never did. 

"Math isn't my stongest suit," He admitted, pouting adorably, "I don't really like school much. I'm taking a gap-year until I figure something out, but so far, I've just been working." 

Rei nodded, smiling despite Nagisa's uncharacteristic slump, "Not everyone has to go to school," He said, took a sip of his cold tea and continued, "I'm not saying don't go, but if it isn't what you want, don't do it. You're a great barista and person, enjoy your gap-year and think about it." 

Nagisa's throat constricted again and he nearly launched himself over the counter. 

"Ah, Rei-chan is so sweet!" He yelled and a few costumers tossed them amused looks, clearly used to Nagisa's personality. He quickly quieted when Rei went pink and poked at his glasses. "Thank you, though. I needed to hear that." 

Nitori, the martyr, took most of the orders as he snuck glances at the two lovebirds. He tried not to pay them too much attention, the cafe a little busier than normal and determined not to mess anything up and help out Nagisa. He was a good friend and he deserved to be happy. Besides, Rei was really nice and obviously liked the blond. 

He was shaking a lemonade together when Nagisa asked Rei out to dinner. The drink went flying out his hands and spilled over the counter. Thankful it hadn't made much noise or a mess, Nitori watched Rei sputter and blush out of the corner of his eye. He had to hold back a cheer when Rei accepted and suggested Saturday. 

Rei left after ten minutes of planning their date. Nagisa turned around, a blissful expression on his face. 

"Ai-chan," He said, voice soft, clearly on cloud nine. "I can't _even_ anymore, oh my gosh." 

Nitori snickered, but softly replied, "Well, I hate to say this, but don't you work on Saturday?" 

Nagisa's head snapped up and he ran to the breakroom, probably for the schedule. Nitori waited, pretty confident he was right, and was rewarded when Nagisa came back out, schedule in his hands, pouting. 

"Ai-channnnnnn," He groaned and shuffled closer, lip out in a manipulative pout, "I'll do anything, but please, switch with me!" 

Nitori rolled his eyes and nodded, "Of course I will! But," He interrupted Nagisa's yell of happiness, "Don't you think this is a bit fast? Didn't you just meet him?" 

Nagisa grabbed Nitori by the shoulders, looked him in the eyes and smiled gently.

"When you find the right person, time doesn't matter." 

That week, as Rin came through the door, Nitori finally understood.

-

Nagisa knocked on Makoto's front door, holding up a bag of his favorite chocolates. 

"Peace offering for Makoto Tachibana?" He tried cautiously, knowing Makoto wouldn't budge that easily. Face still a bit stern, Makoto simply let him in, careful to put a foot infront of Athena before she got out. 

Makoto wasn't angry, but a bit peeved. While the chocolates soothed most of his annoyance, Makoto wasn't that ready to let Nagisa slide. 

Nagisa sat on his couch, pushing aside essays and books. In the far corner, Athena watched him with sharp eyes, probably debating on whether or not to attack the intruder or demand attention. Makoto sat on the chair across from him, the 'disappointed mom' look on his face, named by Nagisa himself. He'd seen it so many times that it deserved title. 

"I'm sorry," Nagisa started, but Makoto held up a hand. 

"You don't have to apologise," He said, now feeling a bit guilty for making Nagisa think he was that upset. "I just hoped you'd come tell me about him first without me asking." 

Nagisa fidgeted in his seat and watched Athena play with his shoelaces. Evidently, he'd passed her tests. 

"I know, I fudged up." He sat forward, pouting, "But I didn't even think about telling anyone, I was just so distracted. He's  _perfect_ , Mako-chan. Our first date was amazing, and the second was even better. Did you know that was even possible? Because it is. Oh my gosh." 

Makoto couldn't help it: he snorted and smiled. 

"I'm just happy that you're happy." Makoto said. "So tell me about him." 

Nagisa sat up, bright and cheery as ever, glad to have Makoto back.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Haru is gone for the longest period yet. Rin explains a few things and Makoto finally sums up the courage to visit Haru (with Rin's permission).


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru hasn't come back in two weeks, Rin gives Makoto the Talk, and Nagisa introduces his boyfriend to his friends (who are all apparently gay or at least bi, he's so lucky). 
> 
> Note: a hint homophobia and immature idiots in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Friends become our chosen family."

Winter Break came and decided to bring with it a small snow storm, so when Makoto hadn't seen Haru for a week, he didn't fret too much. He'd been gone longer and the snow probably hendered him, if not Rin now that he was pretty much aware of Makoto's feelings. He had gotten a warning text from Rin earlier in the week. 

**I'll break your fingers if you so much as pinch him.**

Absolutely terrified, Makoto believed him and didn't chase after Haru as much as he wanted to. He stopped sending texts, despite having quite a few adorable moments with Athena during the week. Nagisa had stayed the night when he came to talk about his boyfriend and the two stayed up, talking. The nice thing about them was that they had known each other for practically all their lives. The friendship couldn't be broken by something so silly. 

They had put down a small fort in Makoto's living room, blankets on chairs and the couch. Athena promptly snuggled up between their close, warm bodies and napped as they ate chocolate and talked about boys. Nagisa gave Makoto advice about Haru when he finally admitted to maybe, quite possibly having a crush on him.

"Just ask him out." Nagisa popped a hershey's kiss in his mouth, and stroked Athena, who purred in approval.

Makoto burst out in nervous laughter and accidentally kicked his laptop. Their Netflix marathon had been forgotten in favor of boy problems.

"It's not that easy, Nagisa." Makoto huffed and picked at the stray string on his blanket. "You know he has anxiety and a stutter. What if he doesn't like me? I'd just be stressing him out and making everything worse for him. I'd like to think he calls me a friend, I don't want to ruin what we have. It took me months just to get him to look me in the eye."

Nagisa chewed thoughtfully, and ignored Rei's text message that lit up his phone.

"I understand your hesitation," Nagisa explained, "I really do. He's also introverted and prefers to be alone, or at least at home than a public place. Now, think about what I just said." He gaved Makoto a few seconds to think before continuing, "But he's been coming to the cafe, by himself may I add, just to see you. He has gone out of his way--his comfort zone--for you."

Makoto inhaled sharply, understanding dawning in his eyes. Hope flared in his chest, but reality (in the shape of Rin) stomped on the flame.

"But that still doesn't prove anything, but friendship, or maybe he just likes the atmosphere and coffee."

Sighing, almost annoyed, Nagisa poked Makoto on the bicep.

"Forget that, now you're just making up excuses." Makoto rubbed his arm and Nagisa got in his face, "Just answer me this: is he worth it?"

When the second week passed, Makoto began to seriously worry and chalked up the courage to send Haru a picture text of Athena. It was a desparate attempt that failed, the day passing without a response.

The door of the cafe twinkled harshly, signalling the arrival of Rin. Jerking his neck to the entrance, Makoto deflated when he saw Rin was alone. Trying to look innocent, Makoto busied himself with the numbering system of pastries.

"Yeah, just try and pretend you didn't just look at me with those hopeful, pathetic puppy eyes. I know you were looking for Haru." Rin snapped, and Makoto, guilty as charged, glanced at the upset redhead. 

"Is he alright, Rin? I'm really worried about him. This is the longest he's been gone." 

Rin stared at him for a long time before ordering a drip and gesturing Makoto to join him at their usual corner table. They hadn't used it for a while now. 

Makoto slowly walked over to the table, drip in hand, feeling like he was walking into a trap and knew he wouldn't be able to crawl back out the same. Rin pointed to the seat across from him and Makoto took a seat, still bigger than the redhead, but he didn't feel like it. He curled into himself, trying making himself seem smaller (and less of the threat Rin obviously thought he was). 

"Something happened two weeks ago." Rin began and sipped his drink. Makoto sat straighter, giving Rin his undivided attention. "As you know, Haru and I swim occasionally at this big swim club. I'm on the team, Haru isn't. But we-I am friends with the captain, so Haru is allowed to participate without competing. 

Anyway, we got to practice and Haru wouldn't look away from his phone. He was looking at the picture of you and your cat. And because Haru is so standoff-ish, he can come off as an asshole or cold. His appearance doesn't help. So a couple of guys on my team usually tease him or push him around." 

Makoto felt his stomach take a dive to sit at his feet. He didn't like where this was going at all, imagining Haru helpless as he was picked on. 

"Before it was just the occasional snide comment or shove. Haru wouldn't speak to me for a few days if I intervened, so I let it happen. Then that day I stormed in the cafe, at practice, they pushed him in the pool when he wouldn't answer their dumbass questions." 

"Oh." That was all Makoto could get out, remembering Rin's outburst. That was the day they had really started to become friends, he and Rin. 

"Yeah, but Haru calmed me down and shrugged it off. He locked himself in his room for a long while, but when he started coming here himself, I figured maybe he was getting better. You two hit it off for some fucking reason and he didn't come to practice for a bit. Finally, he came back and they caught him looking at the picture on his phone." 

He let out an angry snort and slammed his fist on the table. Makoto leaned back in alarm. 

"They called him a faggot and pushed him in the pool with his phone." He paused, face slowly turning red, "I wasn't fucking there to help him." 

He was silent for a few moments, coffee forgotten. 

"Haru has... social problems I guess you could say. He isn't shy, but he definitely hates meeting new people. But if anything really messes him up, its a crack on his sexuality. His parents used to give him shit about it until it drove him to..." He cut off and looked away, "Anyway, his anxiety attacks started there and got worse when guys on the swim team found out he liked men." 

Makoto couldn't say anything, horrified. He couldn't even imagine what Haru was going through. 

"So all of that to say, Haru is damaged and doesn't need some false hope." 

After all that baggage, Makoto took a moment to process Rin's last words. He understood now why Rin was so protective of Haru and absolutely didn't blame him. If anything, he admired Rin more than ever. 

"I get it now," Makoto began and folded his hands on the table, "You know, I really admire you Rin. You're such a good friend to Haru."

Rin whipped his head back in shock, clearly not expecting Makoto's response. 

"I'm serious about Haru. I really like him, and not a day goes by when I don't think about him." 

Face slowly turning red, Rin looked away. Makoto copied him, embarrassed. 

"I know it wont be easy," Makoto continued after an awkward silence, "but he's worth it to me." 

-

Nagisa was on shift with Makoto and Nitori, a first for a while, and Haru still hadn't come back. Rin was on the counter stool, nursing a new drink made by Nitori (they were so dating, Nagisa thought). They were all waiting for Nagisa's boyfriend to show up for initation as Rin called it. They all had to approve or else. 

Bouncing and fidgeting, obviously nervous, Nagisa tittered around the counters, wiping up non-existant spills or messes. Makoto let him get out his nervous energy, chatting with Nitori or Rin to pass the time if he wasn't making drinks. 

Makoto was on his phone, a new note opened with an address. Rin had grudgingly approved of Makoto (he would like to think that, he wasn't about to ask) and given Haru's address to him. He apparently lived alone in the apartment complex his grandmother had leased until she died. She had left him a sizable amount of money, and unable to leave the apartment, he stayed after she had gone. It was on the other side of campus, away from the bustle of traffic and people. It over looked a park with a pond, swings, and a children's playground. 

Since Haru's phone had water damage, Makoto almost talked himself out of going to his apartment to visit. What if he was busy? Gone? Or... didn't want to see him? That thought hit him in the gut and left a nasty feeling, even when Nagisa brightened at the twinkling door. 

In walked his boyfriend, sporting red glasses, perfect hair, and a nice vest. He almost looked like a model, except for his facial expression: nervous and out of place. Makoto gasped. 

"Oh!" He pointed at Rei, who he pratically knew everything about now, since Nagisa talked about him until three in the morning. "Medium peppermint tea!" 

Nagisa looked at Makoto for a minute, confused. 

"Oh, uh, yes." Rei answered and pushed up his glasses. Rin and Nitori exchanged confused looks. 

"I've taken his order here, before," Makoto explained and then smacked his cheeks. "I should have recognized you, Nagisa told me your name and I knew it sounded familiar! You always pay with a card." 

"So... you've met Rei-chan?" Nagisa pouted, slightly put out. 

Rei cleared his throat and walked to the counter Nagisa was leaning his tailbone on. 

"I came here a few times, before we talked about everything." Rei emphasized his last few words, "I mean't to introduce myself, but was either busy or, uh," He swallowed. 

"Too shy?" Rin finished for him, snorting. Nitori smacked him on the arm, his face clearing stating ' _behave_ '. 

"Yeah, so anyway," Nagisa barrelled on, grabbing Rei's hand. "This is Rei-chan everybody. Rei-chan, this is Rin-chan, Ai-chan, and Mako-chan." He pointed to everyone at their name's, beaming now. 

Rei properly introduced himself and turned to Makoto. 

"Could I talk to you alone for a minute?" 

Bewildered, Makoto pointed to the kitchen. Rei walked around the counters and they both walked through the kitchen door, Rei yelping when it smacked him hard on the rear and ankles. 

Nagisa leaned forward, desperately trying to eavesdrop. Rin simply rolled his eyes, muttered 'fucking mother hen' under his breath and took a sip of his drink. Nitori gave Nagisa look, making the blond turn around with a huff. 

They were gone for less than a minute, but Rei emerged satisfied, while Makoto was bright red. He refused to tell them anything. 

-

The walk to Haru's apartment was probably the most stressful thing Makoto ever went through. He had gone home after his shift, refusing to look Nagisa in the eyes, afraid he'd somehow get out what he and Rei had talked about just by looking at him. Athena met him at the door as usual and rubbed on his ankles, much bigger now. Surprised by her affection, he gave her a small treat Nagisa had baked just for her. She loved them so much, Makoto had to tie the pantry door shut. 

After he changed her water and filled her bowl, he procrastinated. He did his reading, wrote a quick essay that wasn't due for another three weeks, and put in a load of laundry that Athena wasn't destroying. 

Finally, after two hours of busy work, he left. Athena gave him a disappointed look as he left, not used to him being gone this much. He almost let that be an excuse to turn around and gather courage another day. But Rin's story had him set, reminding him that Haru needed somebody and he wanted to be that somebody. And if he were a stronger person, he'd probably track down those swimmers and give them a piece of his mind. He was livid, though his guilt outweighed his anger. 

He had caused it. He sent that picture and gotten Haru in that situation. Even though it was just of Athena curled on his chest, his face barely in the picture, he wished he hadn't sent it. It wasn't scandalous or inappropriate, but harmless. 

When the park came into view, Makoto had to stop. He was working himself up. When he got mad--though he rarely did--he usually didn't think straight or at all. The need to protect just clicked on and smothered reason. 

Rocking on the swings, he took a few breaths, counting to thirty. Think of Haru, he thought, think of how much he needs reason, assurance,  _you_. 

He practically ran up the steps and, having memorized the address, went straight to the apartment door. 

The door was clean, numbered in black. A few notes from Rin were jammed in the numbers and the welcome mat was eskew. Inhaling, Makoto rapped his knuckles on the door. There was no hole in the door so Haru would have to open it to see who it was. He waited and waited, straining to listen for any sound. He knocked again after a minute and then sighed. 

"Haru," He began, putting his forehead to the door, "Haru, it's Makoto. Are you okay? I've missed you." 

There wasn't any answer. Assuming he wasn't home, he sat on the mat and leaned back on the door. A minute passed in frustration and silence before the door opened, too sudden for Makoto to react. Yipping, he fell backwards and onto Haru's feet. 

He grinned anyway, just happy Haru was there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Fluff! Plot! Second thoughts! And finally, Gou makes a dramatic entrance.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto talks to Haru, Haru listens. Nitori and Rin have some doubts. Also, Gou is woefully unemployeed and unashamed to beg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters.” -John Green 
> 
> Emotional chapter right here, whew.

Haru was having a pity party for one. He wouldn't admit it aloud, but he definitely was. Rin had called him out on his party, so he slammed the door in his face. Now he was pretty sure he'd never get his favorite shirt back. But looking back on their argument, he felt like he deserved it. 

Rin had ran all the way to his apartment, out of breath, red in the face, and absolutely livid. He leaned on the door, but Haru kept his grip on the knob, ready to flee. 

"I'm going to fucking  _kill_ them." He puffed out, hair tied back in a pony tail, eyes almost feral. "Don't you dare even listen to them Haru, they are fucking high schoolers, what the fuck do they even know?" 

Haru didn't answer him, too scared and mortified. He tried to shut the door, but Rin put out a blocking hand. 

"No, don't you fucking dare Haru, don't shut me out!" He yelled and a bird flew out of a tree, disturbed by the volume. Cheeks and ears turning pink, Haru tried again to shut the door. "Stop it! I'm not leaving!" 

He slammed the door open and Haru took a step back, terrified. Tears were prickling on his waterline and his blushing face was splotchy. 

Seeing his reaction and fear, Rin willed himself to calm down. He didn't walk in, but stayed on the welcome mat. He wouldn't disrupt his sanctuary. Taking a deep breath, Rin stood up straight. 

"Sorry," He mumbled and pulled on his cyan gauges. Nitori had suggested he wear them for fun, and despite thinking they were kind of hideous, he bought them anyway, just to please the kid. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm just angry at those tools. But honestly Haru, don't let them get to you. You're allowed to like what you like, you don't have to like what they think you should like." 

He intentially said 'what' rather than 'who'. He still didn't approve of Makoto.

Haru started shivering and hugged himself, his sweater too large for his small frame. Looking like an abandoned kitten (the irony), Rin decided to take a step back and hold up his palms in surrender. 

"Say something, Haru, please! You're my best friend, I fucking care about you!" 

Haru's face distorted in anger, "Then l-l-leave mmmme al-l-l-l-lone!" 

Rin took another step back, shocked. That was the worst he'd ever heard Haru stutter. 

"I-I-I don't neeeed you," He paused, struggling to finish. "Coddling mmmme all t-the t-t-t-time!" 

Anger back, Rin frowned. "Then why the fuck are you hiding? Why won't you fucking fight for what you love?" 

Stunned, hurt, and crumbling, Haru slammed the door shut and locked the bolt. Rin kicked the door out of frustration and left in a rush. 

Now he was back at the door he'd been avoiding for two weeks, trying to ignore Makoto's pleas.  _I've missed you,_ he had said. Clutching the fabric over his heart, Haru took in a breath. His throat was tight and now his chest was hurting. God, he thought, why can't I just be left alone? This hurts too much. 

Planning to open the door and tell him to go away, Haru straightened and unlocked the door silently. 

Shocked, he flinched when Makoto landed on his feet. Makoto's expression of surprise changed to a dopey smile. Haru's chest tightened. 

"Haru!" Makoto said, voice hopeful and happy. "Hi!" 

He stood up, dusted off his pants and continued to beam at Haru. Mind blanking, Haru just nodded at him, forgetting his original intentions. 

"Uh, I would have called..." Makoto started, but stopped short. Haru's face was shutting down, uncharacteriscally cold to him. "Can I uh, come in?" 

Haru wanted to say 'no, go away, leave me alone' but he'd stutter and he didn't think he could take anymore blows. Unsure how to say no, he simply stood there. 

"Right..." Makoto began again, scratching the back of his head. "Would you come out here then? I really want to talk to you." 

Noting how he said 'to you' rather than 'with you', Haru weighed his options. He was in too deep to just shut the door and never speak to Makoto again. That would truly break him. 

Sighing, Haru grabbed his coat and shut the door. Makoto smiled again, though it wasn't as bright. 

They walked to the park in silence, street lamps already on. The air was cold and they silently opened the gate to the park. It was empty. Makoto sat on the ground while Haru sat on a swing. The creaking sound of metal broke the silence. 

"I really missed you." Makoto whispered, looking at his crossed legs. His face was flushed, so he hid. He decided to not tell Haru about his feelings. He was having second thoughts now. What if he just wanted a relationship now that all his friends were dating? What if he was just lonely and holding onto Haru to avoid being left out? He couldn't do that to him. Even if he truly liked him, Haru would only be harrassed by people for his feelings. No, he thought, I won't tell him. It's best this way. 

"So, Nagisa introduced his boyfriend to us today." Makoto looked up, hiding his internal battle of  _tell him_ and  _I can't_. "He's really nice and kind of shy, which is strange considering he's dating  _Nagisa_. But... you wouldn't believe what he asked me." He took a breath, blushing now at the memory, "He asked me permission to date Nagisa. He said that he knew I'd been upset at Nagisa for not telling me and took that as me not approving. Which of course is ridiculous, Nagisa's decision are his own."

Haru rested his head on the swing's chains, hiding back his happy tears. God, he had been so stupid. Makoto was the same, depite his mess ups. And he'd really, really missed him and his ramblings, going so far as to imagine them... Yep, he was a goner. 

"But he insisted that if I didn't approve, he'd wait and try to prove himself, that he respected my friendship with Nagisa. I," He paused, suddenly twenty times as nervous, "I've never dated anyone before, just waiting for the right guy." There, he said it. Mentally freaking out, Makoto gripped the mulch, "So it kind of surprised me when he said that. I mean, if it was me, I don't know if I'd be able to wait. If I loved someone," Oh god  _shut up shut up shut up this is too embarrassing,_ "I don't know if I could be patient if he loved me back." 

Yikes, his heart was pounding, desparate to separate itself from his body, probably because the secondhand embarrassment was too much. He'd basically put his feelings out there, despite not giving a name. He promised himself he wouldn't. His chest ached terribly at the thought. 

"But of course I approve," He said, trying to go back to neutral territory. "I mean, he said that to me and obviously Nagisa is in deep. And, get this, I'd met him before. He'd come in the cafe ordering a peppermint tea, always a medium, and I never even really talked to him. I feel kind of bad for that, it seems he was trying to catch my attention." 

Haru, frozen on the swings, felt blood rush to his ears and face. He mostly tuned out everything about Nagisa's boyfriend and heard Makoto talk about himself. So he really did like guys too. Hope burst in his chest and a smile escaped. 

"Oh." Makoto whispered, seeing Haru smile. In pain at the sight, but a good pain, Makoto felt his breath leave him. 

"Y-Y-You're a g-gooood frieeend." He managed to get out, 90% sure Makoto could see his flushed cheeks. 

Makoto looked down, the compliment frying his brain. 

"N-Not really." He muttered, aware of his fumbling words. Deciding to take a leap of faith, he continued, "I wasn't there for you these past two weeks. I'm really sorry it took me this long to chase you." 

His wording didn't help Haru's already flustered person. 

"N-n-n-oooo." He stuttered, absolutely unsure of what to say. How do you even respond to that? "I-I-I-I-I," Oh god, he couldn't even speak, "T-Thank yyyyou for being h-here n-n-now." 

Recognizing that Haru was struggling, Makoto spoke up. 

"Absolutely. I'll always be here for you Haru, I hope you know that. I really like--"  _No, no, I can't,_ "Being around you."

-

"You're quiet." Nitori broke the silence over dinner, sitting in Rin's apartment.

It was small, cluttered with weights, empty cafe cups, and a few damp jammers covered the floor. When he'd first come over, Nitori nearly lost himself in laughter, the atmosphere perfectly matching Rin. But now, everything was worse. Couch cushions were everywhere, liked he'd slept on the couch and then it decided to explode. Rin was obviously out of it, staring down at his plate.

The whole walk, stop at the store, and meal had been silent. Usually, this didn't bother Nitori, as their silences were comfortable and welcomed after a long day. But right now, the quiet was tense and loaded. Rin was thinking.

"Uh, yeah." 

Nitori put down his fork and cleared away their dishes, careful to step over stray cushions and jammers.

"Haru will be fine," He started to wash the plates, not looking at Rin in case he lost his nerve. "I haven't known Makoto as long as Nagisa, but in the little time I've been around him, I have absolute faith in him. He'll help Haru. Why do you think Haru keeps coming back to him?" 

Rin stayed silent, then snorted. 

"Thanks, Ghandi." He smiled crookedly, making Nitori drop a fork with a loud clunk. "I guess I'm just peeved that I couldn't help him." 

Surprised that Rin was opening up to him, Nitori didn't notice he'd turned the water all the way on hot. He yelped and sprayed bubbles on the counters. Rin rushed to him and held his red hands gently. 

They froze, breath gone. Rin towered over Nitori, looking him in the eyes. Nitori was trying not to blush, but couldn't help it. Rin was such a sweetheart when he wasn't being challenged to a race or angry. He just hoped that Rin felt the same. 

"Uh," Rin cleared his throat and looked away. "I'll finish these." 

Nitori stepped away and Nagisa's words rang in his mind.  _When you find the right person, time doesn't matter._

"Was that...?" Nitori cut off, courage apparently not willing to make an appearance. "Um, I mean... do you..."

Rin stopped washing the dishes and slumped. 

"Yes." He whispered and his cheeks matched his hair. But his eyes remained sad. "But I don't know... I just... after what happened to Haru with those guys, I can't put you through that." 

Blood rushing in his ears, Nitori struggled to hear him. His face was on fire, uncomfortable, and making him dizzy. 

"I-I can take it, Rin." He choked out. But Rin just shook his head. 

"But what if I can't? People will look at us and fucking judge despite the fact that they can just nose the fuck out." 

Nitori felt his heart clench and crumble. Tears were trailing down his flushed cheeks. He rushed to the front door and put on his shoes. It was too much. 

"Since when did you care about what other people thought?" He said and left, door slamming. 

-

Makoto was on shift with a very angry and sad Nitori. Taking a guess that he and Rin had a squabble, Makoto stayed quiet. As much as he wanted to comfort his fellow barista, he knew he'd probably just damage the situation. It was really none of his business. 

After talking for two hours, Makoto finally got Haru to smile even though it was only for a second. He talked about school, work, Athena, and his siblings (quickly steering the conversation away from dangerous territory). He even told him a story about a beach visit and how they managed to dunk him in the water with their combined efforts. Haru snorted and tried to hide his smile, but Makoto caught it. He had to chant over and over in his head that he couldn't tell Haru, it would destroy everything. 

Eventually, when it was too cold and really late, he offered to walk him home and invited him to come over sometime to see Athena. Shyly, Haru had accepted. 

Now he only had three hours left on his shift and then half an hour before Haru would come over. Nervous, excited, but a little depressed, Makoto let his work drown everything out. Nitori clocked out after an hour, not even waving goodbye. Another hour passed with booming orders, so he made a note on his phone to have a short talk with Rin. He had heard him calling him a 'mother hen' and was about to confirm his words. 

"Excuse me," He was interrupted, cleaning up a spill he had caused out of frustration. "Um, do you know if you're hiring?"

He looked over the counter, seeing a small, cute girl. She looked young, but maybe Nagisa's age. Her red hair was braided and crafted artfully around her head, long spiked earrings reaching her chin. Distracted by the accessories, he had to shake his head. 

"Oh," He wasn't sure, but as he was on shift by himself, maybe they were a little under staffed. "Maybe, I'm not exactly sure. Do you want an application anyway?" 

She beamed and held out her hand. A beautiful Henna design was on her hand and arm. Makoto vaguely recognized the Indian costum, kind of shocked. Oh the culture melting pot that was a coffee cafe. 

"Thanks so much! Are you a manager?" 

"Uh, no I'm not. But he should be here around 7 if you want to wait an hour." She nodded and sat on the counter stool. 

He gave her a pen and watched as she worked on the application, sometimes asking him questions. 

"Do you have to be eighteen? Do appearances matter? Because this tattoo isn't coming off anytime soon." 

Makoto answered best he could, swamped with drink orders. Not noticing the clock, Nagisa punched in and poked him in the ribs. 

"You're overtime, Mako-chan." 

He ran all the way to his apartment, barely beating Haru by two minutes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHJKL, AO3 was shut down and I was freaking out, so this was rushed. I usually write about three chapters ahead, edit, and update on time, but GEEZ. With the holidays, family over, school, life in general... this took me till 3 am and then some when I woke up. I hope you enjoyed the fruits of my very exhausting labor. 
> 
> Peak at next update: Makoto's gone back home, Nitori and Rin also have the Talk (courtesy of Makoto, the wonderful irony), and Gou ("Kou!") is actually an excellent barista thank you very much.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto is out of town, Nitori and Rin finally get around to talking, and Haru has some time to admit he's lonely.
> 
> Another transitional chapter, so it's short. Oopsie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."

Athena remembered Haru, despite being panicked the entire time, and jumped in his lap, big enough to make the leap in one jump. Makoto snapped a picture when Haru wasn't looking and saved it. Deciding he'd be too much of a creep to put it as his background, he simply assigned it to Haru's contact. Avoiding Makoto's eyes, Haru gently stroked Athena's pure white back, amused at the sight of her very round belly. Noticing Haru poke at Athena's pudge, Makoto chuckled. 

"Yeah, she's kind of porky. But despite getting only two meals a day and plenty of exercise, I can't get her weight down. I'm debating whether or not to bring her back home with me, but I don't have a pet sitter and Nagisa said he can't be around her much because Rei's allergic." 

Haru just nodded, scratching behind her ears. Purring on maximum, Athena stretched and pushed her belly in the air, making it clear she expected some rubs. Haru obliged and shot Makoto a confused look. 

"Oh, I guess I haven't told you. I'm going home to my parent's for Christmas. My dad is kind of against cats, but he'll grin and bear it. So I'm trying to get a pet sitter so he doesn't have to suffer. And for Athena's sake, my brother and sister love cats and would probably bother her until she scratched them both to an inch of their lives." He laughed, joking, but didn't doubt Athena would protect her space. 

"I-I could looook after h-h-her." Haru offered, despite his apartment's 'no pets allowed' rule. He couldn't care less and he was pretty sure his neighbor had an iguana. 

Makoto beamed, leaning forward. Haru held in the instinct to move back. 

"Really? Oh that'd be great, she really likes you anyway. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow, should I just bring her by before I go?" Haru nodded, "Thank you so much, Haru, this is wonderful." 

For the rest of Haru's visit he describe Athena's habits, peeves, preferred scratching spots, and routine. When the clock chimed 10 o' clock, Haru stood up without a word, Athena gracefully jumping off his lamp despite still being sleepy. Makoto immediately understood, picked up his cat, and they both waved him goodbye like the first time Haru visited. 

Again, when Makoto closed the door, Haru looked back at the golden numbers and clicked his lip ring on his teeth.

-

"Brother!" His siblings screamed and jumped on his back. They were bigger, much bigger now, so Makoto fell to one knee laughing. Ren could reach his shoulders, brown eyes still innocent. He would probably outgrow Makoto. Ran however was still small, blue-green eyes beautiful, hair in a pony tail rather than pigtails. Makoto paused to look at them both and had to hold back the urge to burst into tears. This was too weird, he was getting  _so old._

"Hey, you two! I missed you!" He pulled them in a bear hug and closed his eyes, hoping to hide his emotions, not noticing his mother snapping a photo of the scene. 

"Welcome home sweetie," She said, helping him stand and removing the excited 'leeches'. "Dad won't be home till dinner." 

Makoto nodded in understanding and was pulled to his old bedroom, Ren and Ran talking at the same time about completely different things. The normalcy of the situation sank in, warmth spreading through his chest. As much as he missed his friends, he really did miss home. 

-

**Talk to Ai, please.**

Glaring at Makoto's text, Rin slammed his coffee down on the counter, startling his sister. Drink splashing, he absentmindedly licked the drops on his hand. Also glaring, Gou snapped her rag against his hand. Yelping, Rin jerked back. 

"That's disgusting, brother. When is the last time you washed your hands? And stop huffing and wallowing in self pity." 

Eyes wide, Rin watched his little sister go back to work with Nagisa, who wisely stayed out of the conversation. Walking into the cafe, Rin had to shake his head and rub his eyes to believe what he was seeing. His little sister was wearing an apron, hat, and had a chocolate smudge across her cheek. She was mostly handing out pastries, washing dishes, or brewing coffee, but Nagisa was there to help her memorize pumps and recipes. He helped her measure, remember what syrups went in what, and watched over her as she manned the register.

Smiling in approval, Nagisa put a hand on her shoulder. Rin bristled at the contact. 

"Good job Gou-chan ("Kou!"), you're doing great. For your second day, I'm surprised at your progress." 

Shooting daggers at Nagisa's hand on Gou's shoulder, Rin took another sip. He was in a bad mood and handsy little boys didn't help. Looking back the text still lit up on his phone, Rin growled. He really did miss Nitori, but he would never admit it. He wasn't used to these situations, where he had to make decisions that would probably change the entire direction of his life. 

He could see them in the future, sitting on his couch watching television. Gou would be on the arm, Nitori glued to his side, Makoto and Haru in the kitchen probably making cookies. Of course, Nagisa and Rei were there too, sitting on the floor. Nagisa would probably be trying to convince Rei to spy on Makoto and Haru with him. 

Irritated that he imagined those two together already (despite the truth of their unknown mutual feelings), Rin went back to glaring daggers at Nagisa. The blond was bouncing around his sister, explaining the process of making a complicated frappucino. Gou's expression was determined and serious. Snorting, Rin watched her make the drink under Nagisa's eye. 

"Perfect!" He announced as she dipped the last of the drink from the blender into the cup, snapping on the lid. "Now just put the blender in the sink and you're golden. Yell out the name, put it on the counter, and on to the next challenge!" 

Gou gave the customer her drink with a focused, professional smile. Giggling at her seriousness, Nagisa started to wash out the blender. 

"Just press this," He said, pushing a button, spraying a harsh shot of water in the blender. "And throw it around. There, all clean." 

They carried on, relying on each other and shooting a couple of jokes (Gou shut them down whenever Nagisa got too distracted). Eventually, Nagisa left her alone to make drinks, answering her questions if she was desparate enough. Nagisa could totally see the family relation: both were stubborn, focused, and friendly. 

Jumping, Rin looked at his phone. Makoto's previous text was still on screen, reminding him that he had yet to respond or acknowledge the message. Grumbling, he unlocked his phone and hovered a finger over Nitori's name. 

"Damn mothering hen."

-

Athena was on top of his stack of _Harry Potter's_ , purring obscenely loud for her size. She barely fit on  _The Deathly Hallows_ , swinging her small tail back and forth playfully. Haru watched, worried she might topple the stack. She had already knocked over his stack of  _The Lord of the Rings_ , causing a domino effect with his Austen stack he had yet to touch. 

It had been two days and Haru had hardly gotten any sleep. Athena liked to sleep between his feet, as Makoto confirmed she would, but he didn't like it. The weird feeling disrupted his routine and despite liking her company, he wished that she wouldn't pop his personal space bubble so much. He would have a bowl of cereal, but before he could take more than three bites, her head was in it. Then he'd turn on his laptop and she'd sit on his keyboard, obviously not bothered. 

**Just put her in the bathroom if she gets to be too much. She might not sleep with you that night, but at least you'll be able to eat without an invasive shadow.**

Reading Makoto's text, Haru quickly stood up and put Athena in his bathroom. Offended, she mewed at the door for half an hour. 

_**She's been crying for thirty minutes, will she ever stop?** _

**Oh, put a sock in there with her. But find one you wont miss. It'll be dead by tomorrow. How's your weekend going besides cat sitting?**

They had been texting back and forth for the past two days, talking about nothing and then some more nothing. It was pleasant and relaxing. He didn't have to speak verbally or watch what he did. He could just be himself without worrying about Makoto yelling at him or making him talk. 

After another hour of intense battling in his bathroom, Haru decided to let Athena out. She raced between his feet as the door opened and knocked over his tower of fairytales.  _Peter Pan_ went under his couch and  _Grimm's Fairytales_ flew open, pages bending.  _  
_

Huffing, he smoothed out the pages and gave up. Athena was in the kitchen, probably hiding. Haru wondered how Makoto put up with her.

Despite having texting constantly, he missed his presence terribly. He was relunctant to admit the fact because he didn't really understand how or why. Well, he had a guess as to why, but he was baffled as to how. He was fine alone, preferred it really. But Makoto had somehow made himself a fixture in his life and demanded his attention. Uncomfortable as the new presence in his life made him, a new feeling drowned out the discomfort. He couldn't put a name to it, too afraid to think on it much. 

And as much as he loathe to admit it, he kind of sort of, maybe, quite possibly missed Rin too. The big idiot was his best friend and a fight couldn't break them that easily. 

Eager to read Makoto next message, Haru didn't catch Athena dragging away a piece of mackerel to his bedroom. 

-

"Thanks," Rin started and looked at his coffee cup. "For meeting me." 

He and Nitori were the only people in the cafe, Nagisa having gone back into the kitchen. Closing time had passed, and it was late. Nitori sat across from him, craddling his own drink. He wouldn't look at Rin, afraid he'd just blurt out something he didn't mean in anger. 

Nitori just acknowledge that Rin spoke with a nod. He didn't notice the cyan gauges in Rin's ears. 

"Listen, I'm sorry." Rin began again, heat gathering in his cheeks. Taking a deep breath, the air suddenly much harder to take in, he pushed onwards. "I've been thinking a lot these passed few days, about us." 

Perking up at the term 'us', Nitori risked a glance. It was mistake. He felt the oxygen rush out of his lungs, unable to gain it back. Rin's hair was tied back, showing off the gauges he'd convinced him to buy. His shirt was low cut, scarf on the table, tattoo exposed. In the low light, he looked amazing, flustered, and all of his anger left his conscience at once. He couldn't stay mad at the idiot for long. 

"Me too," Nitori decided to break in, trying to keep his thoughts away from Rin's tattoo. It did things to his insides, making him shift in his seat. "And it was wrong of me to storm out."

Rin didn't confirm or deny the statement, opting to choose the better ground of neutral acceptance. Nitori held back an amused snort. 

Quirking his pierced brow, Rin leaned forward. "You're such a little shit." He chuckled at Nitori's strained expression until he burst, letting out a giggle. "And I really missed you. It sucked balls." 

Nitori snorted in laughter and half-heartedly kicked Rin for his phrasing. "You're terrible. But I missed you too." Giggles gone, they stared at each other. 

Nagisa still hadn't come back from the kitchen, making as much noise as possible. 

"I want to give this a chance." Rin finally said, breaking the tension despite Nagisa throwing muffin pans in the sink and probably at the walls. "You're the best person someone could have a chance of knowing and I don't want to lose you just because I'm a fucking coward." 

He was blushing again, humilitated. He was terrible at feelings and shit. Admitting his lack of courage was tearing him apart, but seeing Nitori's smile helped him get over the pain. 

"I really, really like you." Nitori fumbled out, overwhelmed by Rin's confession. "Like a lot more than you probably like me. And I think you're super brave for giving this a shot. Not a lot of people would and it just makes me like you even more that you're saying 'fuck it'."

Rin blinked in shock. Nitori had just--"Well fuck me sideways, I knew you weren't such an innocent little shit."

Nagisa finally came out of the kitchen and nearly turned right back around. Rin and Nitori were holdings hands and  _giggling_. Definitely weirded out, Nagisa slowly walked backwards into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy, you all are just absolutely amazing, I love you so much! The comments, kudos, and tumblr asks have just made my entire life so much better. Don't even hesitate to talk to me, I'm just a big dork who loves these gay swimmers more than I should. 
> 
> Next chapter, Makoto is back, Gou is rocking the cafe, and Nitori gets Rin to grudgingly talk to Haru. And Haru finally gets some courage.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to recovery is a long one.
> 
> Again, another short chapter to set up for the longer, more difficult ones to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If you don't imagine, nothing ever happens at all." -John Green

Aiichiro Nitori was not a happy boyfriend. His hands were on his hips, lips pursed, eyes narrowed at his partner. After they had gotten together, Rin couldn't believe how amazing he was, and just how much he failed to notice before. Nitori had sass (he had to, he was dating _Rin_ ) when he believed in something. And that something was his friendship with Haru.

They were in his apartment again, Nitori cooking dinner. Even Rin admitted he was terrible at cooking after the third burnt batch of... he couldn't remember. He was too busy staring at his boyfriend. Said boyfriend was sporting his swim team jacket and a thrice rolled up pair of sweatpants. He claimed to have forgotten a change of clothes. Such a little shit, Rin thought. 

"For the last time," Rin groaned, putting his head down on the table. Nitori's glare hurt to look at. "Haru and I have been through worse. It'll pass, he'll just show up on my door step like nothing happened." 

Nitori walked out of the kitchen, his face sour. 

"Oh really? I seem to recall that he slammed the door in your face after you accused him of giving up." Rin grimaced at his tone, "I wouldn't be able to forget that anytime soon." 

Exhaling, he slumped forward. 

"Go talk to him. Makoto helped, but you're still Haru's best friend. He needs you just as much, probably even more." Nitori put a hand on the back of Rin's neck, speaking softly. 

"I hate it when you're always right." He huffed. 

-

Makoto was an absolute mess. Crying all the way to the train station, the twins didn't want to let go of his legs. Each step he took nearly tore him apart. Finally, his parents peeled them off, but the damage was done. He started to cry too. The entire two hour train ride was spent sniffling, wiping away tears, and trying to text Haru back despite hardly being able to see the screen. 

He went back at his apartment, empty without Athena. Over the break he'd gotten homework assignments and his next work schedule. He'd be working with Gou and Nitori more often. Excited, but stressed out, Makoto poured over his essays and reading until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Exhausted from crying, working, and the holidays, he fell asleep on his couch. 

Now, back at the cafe, he couldn't function properly. He had a long shift with Nagisa, who was chipper as ever, but his energy seemed to exhaust his own. 

"How were the twins, huh? Did you say hi to them for me? What about your parents?" 

Clutching his pounding head, Makoto leaned on the counter. He probably had a cold again, too. Lovely. 

"They're so big now, it's crazy. You wouldn't recognize them. And I did, they miss you too. Parents are good, just tired I guess. Dad's working a lot to pay for my school." 

Nagisa finished off a breve before turning around, concern on his face. 

"I thought you were working to pay tuition. What about your scholarships?" 

Makoto avoided his eyes, "I'm paying for my rent and bills. My scholarship only pays for 15% of my tuition."

Noticeably less bright, Nagisa joined him by the counter. 

"Who knew being an adult was so... expensive?" 

-

Expecting Makoto to come by for Athena, Haru didn't hesitate to open his front door. He went white at the sight of Rin. 

"Hey." 

Haru didn't reply, remembering their fight. He could feel the tremors begin to panic in his body. He held on the doorknob to keep himself grounded. 

"I'm sorry!" Rin blurted out and hurriedly backed away, hands behind his back. He looked miserable. 

Watching Rin submit and hurt in front of his face ripped a fresh scar across Haru's conscience. Come closer, Haru thought, don't turn away from me. Don't leave me again. 

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you," Rin continued, not looking at Haru. "I was just really angry and worried about you. But now I see how badly I fucked things up. And I don't want that to ruin anything between us, because Jesus Christ, Haru, I miss you." His voice broke at the end and Haru couldn't take it. 

"Noooo," He took a step forward, pushing down his anxiety and fear. The memories of Rin slamming his fists against the door surged, but that didn't matter anymore. He was sorry, he was  _here_ , and that was enough. "I-I-I'm sorry. I yyyelled t-too. I shouldn't have." 

Rin let out a shaky breath and took a moment to gain back his equilibrium. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, taking a step forward. Haru didn't move, debating on hugging Rin or punching him in the ribs. It was a constant battle.

Sighing, Haru nodded. He wanted to explain everything, what he felt, what he thought, what he went through the past two weeks, but the words as always were stuck in his throat. Trusting Rin to understand, like he usually did whenever they fought, he opened the door wider and turned.

Rin followed him slowly, hands still behind him back.

Haru's apartment was a mess of stackered books, socks, and... was that fish?

"What happened?" Rin couldn't help but ask. Haru never let his house be this messy.

"Athena," Haru quickly answered, going to the bathroom. He doublechecked to make sure Rin closed his front door before turning the knob. Out flew a white blur, carrying a sock. "I'm w-watching heeer for Makoto."

The cat came to a halt upon sight of Rin, who looked faintly amused and surprised.

"So that means you talked to him?" Haru walked to his kitchen table and grabbed _Northanger Abbey_ , hugging it to his chest. Rin simply leaned against the counters, giving Haru space. 

Nodding, Haru looked away. "He c-came over and we waaaalked t-t-to the park." He paused, fighting to get out the words. "Mostly he just t-t-talked and I llllistened."

Feeling heat rising to his cheeks, he tried to curl over the book.

"Did he..." Rin stopped. It wasn't his place to tell Haru about Makoto's feelings, as much as he wanted to. Grudgingly, he approved, but that didn't mean he had to like it. "Did he stay long?"

Haru shot him a look, like he knew what Rin was going to say before he changed directions. He shrugged as his answer, trying to put together sentences in his head to explain what he wanted to do now. Athena trotted over to Rin's feet and began attacking his shoelaces, providing as a distraction. Exhaling, Haru gathered his courage. 

"I llllike him." He stuttered, embarrassed. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't see Rin's expression. "And I t-t-think he llllikes me t-t-t-too." 

Rin stayed silent, unsure if he should confirm Haru's suspicions or just stay quiet. He almost wished Nitori was here, he'd know what to say. 

"But," Haru paused and Rin clung to that ray of hope, "I-I-I can't t-tell him y-yet." Another pause, "I n-need to get better." 

-

Similar to the first time Makoto saw Haru, he was hiding his book underneath the counter. Gou was fluttering around him, giving him disapproving looks depite the lack of customers. Across from him on the counter sat Haru,  _Northanger Abbey_ nearly finished. His lip ring was gone, so he settled instead to chew his lip. Makoto didn't notice, too absorbed in his homework. 

It was still Gou's first week of work, but she had mastered everything her third day. In awe, Makoto slunk back to his corner. 

"Pass me the caramel, Makoto?" She asked, interrupting his concentration. 

"Yeah, sure." He mumbled and tossed the container. She caught it with ease and continued making her order. 

Focus broken, Makoto glumy looked up at Haru. Hiding behind his book, Haru didn't notice. 

"Do ever have those days where you just wish you didn't get out of bed?" He asked, watching as Haru slowly lowered the novel. His expression was closed off, protective, but interested. "Or that you never had to grow up? Peter Pan had the right idea." He sighed, slumping on the counter. 

He was still on a long shift, begging for hours, but exhaustion was creeping up on him. His usually bright green eyes were dull with tiredness and his smile was small. He seemed to have aged ten years. 

"All the t-time." Haru answered, surprising Makoto. He didn't expect a reply. 

"Then, what do you do? I'm this close to just using Spark Notes and taking a nap in the breakroom." 

Tilting his head, Haru pondered. What did he do? Now he mostly thought of Makoto's quirky outbursts or Rin's promises of coffee and a pool visit. Now a light shade of pink, Haru looked away. He wasn't ready yet for a relationship, as much as he wanted one. 

"I-I imagine w-w-what would happen if I d-d-did get up. W-who I'd see, what I'd reeead. Then I'm n-n-not so t-tired anymore." 

Breathe gone, Makoto felt like his brain finally stopped working. 

"You're so amazing." Makoto leaned forward, smile dopey again whenever he was reminded of why and how much he liked Haru. Blushing a darker shade of pink, Haru put his book back up. "I wish I had your courage. Thanks Haru." 

Haru struggled to remain in his seat, half of him wanting to bolt and the other wanting to smush his face he was so overwhelmed by Makoto's cuteness. Toes curling, he puffed out a breath. 

"I-I'm starting speech t-t-therapy next weeeeek." 

Taken aback by the abrupt change of topic, Makoto wheeled backwards. He knocked into Gou. 

"Careful!" She yipped, trying to steady the hot chocolate in her hands. "Here, you look dead on your feet." Handing him the drink, she smiled and traveled to the kitchen, already knowing to speed through the door to avoid injury. 

Brain trying to catch up, Makoto put down the drink. He was caught on the thought of how sweet Gou was before he remembered what Haru had admitted. 

"That's great, Haru!" He smiled, oblivious to Haru's distress at his pause in answering. "Is it an everyday thing or once a week?"

Swallowing, Haru pulled his bag to his chest, ready to leave. He felt like he was about to break if he didn't leave soon. 

"Just o-o-once aaa week." He stood up, still red in the face. "H-here. IIII've got to g-go." 

He pulled a book out of his bag and waved before leaving. Sad, Makoto waved goodbye. 

"Oh, okay. Bye Haru!" 

Sitting on the counter was a book. Remembering Haru's promise of bringing him a book to read, he grinned, forgetting his stress. Grabbing  _The Hobbit,_ he couldn't stop smiling for the rest of his shift.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...10 already? What EVEN. 
> 
> Just a heads up, I probably wont be able to update at all this coming week after Sunday. I'll be out of town with no computer. I'm sorry!! :'(


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Speech therapy doesn't go as planned, Mikoshiba comes into play, and there is an announcement to be made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." -Charles Dickens
> 
> Because I will unable to update this coming week, instead of halving this chapter, I just stuck it together. It's long, fluffy, and will hopefully make up for my lack of updating.

Day one of speech therapy was stressful, but worth it. Haru felt better already, a plan outlined and ready for action. Organization relieved him of most fears, but the lingering shadow in the back of his mind just wouldn't go away. His speech therapist suggested he read aloud everyday until he felt confident enough to read to somebody else. Baby steps, she had told him when his face paled considerably. The crushing blow to his pride of even just admitting he needed therapy didn't help his already sour outlook on the ordeal. But, remembering Makoto's beaming look of excitement and joy, he continued. 

He finished  _Northanger Abbey_ , already typing out a message to tell Makoto, until the shadow in his mind shut his confidence down. What if he doesn't care? He probably wont text back a reply to something so simple. Sighing, he pushed the Austen novel aside and glanced at his jammers on the back of the kitchen chair. 

Rin had texted him earlier, asking him if he'd like to go to swim practice. This time, he would be present the entire time and even Nitori would be there. He had asked over ten times to see them both swim until the redhead finally gave in. Apparently Rin had boasted about their races. 

The prospect of swimming warmed him, but the memory was still fresh of what happened a few weeks ago. Those boys would probably still be there, ready with new insults. Would they ask where'd he'd been? They'd probably push him again, tell him to go away, threaten him just because he liked something they didn't. The persecution hurt and had left him burned. He didn't know if he could. 

Phone vibrating, he turned his head. Resting on his forearms on the table, he slowly gripped the buzzing gadget. 

**Rin invited me to see you swim! I'd bring Athena, but she isn't too fond of water... I found that out after her first bath.**

Makoto sounded excited, if a bit shifty. He was probably avoiding the problem Haru was wrestling with. As much as he wanted to swim with Makoto and Rin, he was still scared. That wasn't going to change anytime soon. Speech therapy may help with his stutter, but not with harrassment. And yet... he was seriously tempted to go anyway. Makoto would be there. Rin and Nitori too. He wouldn't be alone, forced to speak and answer questions. 

He hestitated, fingers pausing over the phone screen. Should he confirm or make up an excuse?

The phone vibrated again. 

**I almost forgot to tell you. For New Years Nagisa and I have this tradition of going to the beach to watch the fireworks. We invited everybody. Do you think you could come too?**

Heat flooded his face, imagining the possibilities of New Years. It was only four days away. It could be so much fun. 

They might sit on a beach towel, hips touching, shoulders brushing. Makoto would be rambling about his Christmas visit and wondering where the year went. Nagisa and Rei would probably be cuddling, as the air was still cold. Rin would probably be telling Nitori a story of how he beat Haru in a race. It was perfect. 

_**Sure. Sounds great.**  _

Short and simple. Or was that too simple? Would Makoto think he's truly not excited? Would he take back the offer? 

**Good, I can't wait!!! See you later today. :)**

-

It was later today. 

A block away from the swimming pool, Haru fidgeted. He had missed the feel of jammers around his legs, the smell of chlorine. It was familiar and safe. The pool water would drown out questions, unwanted attention. He could do this. Makoto would be there, he'd smile and maybe  _he'd hug Haru_. 

Shaking his head, Haru rubbed the palms of his hands on his eyes. His breathing sped up.

No. He couldn't think like that. Not yet. 

"There you are!" Rin yelled, and Haru snapped his head up. 

An arm was around Nitori's shoulders as Rin waved, and scowled. Cheeks a light shade of pink, Nitori waved too, if a bit half-heartedly. 

"'Bout time, Haru. Makoto said he would be here a little later, something about his cat getting out. Of course, you'd know that by now if you fucking brought your phone with you." 

Rolling his eyes, breathing back to normal, Haru walked passed the duo. Rin spluttered about his rudeness while Nitori chided him. 

They reached the lockers without incident and Haru completely forgot his earlier concerns. He was too focused on getting in the water. 

"Hey, pay attention, will you?" Rin snapped his fingers in front of Haru's face. Sliding an annoyed glance at his best friend, Haru waited. "You haven't met Nitori yet. Haru, Nitori--Nitori, Haru." 

Haru acknowledged him with a nod, while Nitori grinned, obviously pleased. Snorting, Rin looked around the locker room. The Captain wasn't present, a few other members were milling around, but too absorbed in putting on tight swimsuits to notice the group. 

"Uh, well, just so you know... Nitori and I are dating now." 

Haru blinked stupidly before looking back and forth between the couple. Nitori's face was steadly becoming more red while Rin was sporting a frown. 

"Oi," He snapped and Haru looked back at him. "Got anything you wanna share with the class?" 

Shaking his head, Haru grabbed his towel and goggles before leaving the room. Mumbling a word to Nitori, Rin went after him. 

"Hey, just wait a minute." He grabbed Haru's wrist and they stopped in the hallway just outside the indoor pool. They were alone. "What was that, back there? You know Nitori was really psyched to meet you?" 

Haru yanked back his wrist. 

"I-I-I didn't kkknow you were g-g-g-gay." He managed, trying not to sound hurt, but it was difficult. Saying it aloud was harder than just thinking about what he'd learned. 

Rin crossed his arms, arms bulging. If he didn't know Rin, Haru would be intimidated. But Rin was all bark. 

"Bi, actually. And I didn't really know that until I met him." He huffed and let his arms drop. "Sorry I didn't tell you before, you just had a lot on your plate and I didn't want to add anything extra." 

Silent, Haru paused before turning to face Rin. 

He shrugged, "S-Sorry. I'm hhhhappy for you." 

Letting a small smile peak through, Rin slapped a hand on Haru's arm. 

"Whatever," He was blushing now and Haru wanted to remember this moment forever when ever Rin was boasting about being tough. "By the way, I can notice a difference in your speech. I guess therapy is really helping. You're not pausing so much." 

Haru just nodded, but burst with hope on the inside. Happy, he tugged Rin to the pool after shyly looking away. Rin smiled for real behind him. 

When the door opened, a fresh wave of chlorine smacked Haru in the face. Breathing deeply, he shivered out his anxiety. God, he missed this. 

"Oh, there's Makoto with Nitori." Rin pointed to the bleachers on the left side of the room. 

Makoto was waving, beaming. He looked almost excited as a child in Disneyland. He wore jeans, a striped shirt, and a green jacket, making his bright eyes pop. Taking a moment to catch his escaping breath at the sight, he waved back. Rin snorted, shouldered passed him and walked up to his Captain. 

"Yo, Mikoshiba." 

The Captain turned and gave Rin a stink-eye. His severe red hair clashed with his jammers and jacket. Haru had to look away, cringing. Makoto was talking to Nitori now, cheeks flushed. Wishing he knew what they were talking about, he didn't notice the slamming door behind him. 

The atmosphere seemed to shrink, the cold December weather seeping inside the room. Rin was glaring full force behind Haru and Mikoshiba was frowning. Not daring to turn around, Haru willed himself to move. He watched Makoto wipe his palms on his jeans before glancing at Haru sheepishly. With Makoto and Rin watching, Haru made it to bleachers without looking back. 

"Hey Haru." Makoto greeted, not understanding to sudden change in the air. He looked hesitant before his gaze traveled to the spot Rin was glaring daggers at. He tensed, seeing three boys sneering at his direction. 

Protective instincts blaring, he stood up to his full height, ignoring Nitori's squeek of protest. The three looked away, and sat on the opposite side of the pool, ignoring everyone around them. Rin was advancing until Mikoshiba put a hand on his shoulder. They argued for a minute, until Rin shouted. 

"Rin!" Nitori yelled across the room and the redhead jumped. Now Nitori gave his boyfriend a stink-eye. Growling, Rin put on his goggles and dove in the water. 

Crisis averted, Makoto gave the three on last sharp look before going down to join Haru. Paler than usual and shaking slightly, Haru let himself be pulled into a hug. The warmth and smell was overwhelming, much better than he imagined. He didn't have to will to hug back, afraid he'd never let go. 

Humming in delight at not being rejected from the physical contact, Makoto pulled back and beamed. 

"It's been a while! I can't wait to see you swim." Ever bright, Makoto radiated happiness. Slowly, the color returned to Haru's cheeks and he gave Makoto a grateful, tiny smile. "Doing alright?" 

Haru nodded and glanced at Nitori, who was rolling his eyes at Rin's speed and choppy strokes. 

Muttering under his breath, Nitori put his chin in his hand, "Mr. Angry-pants." 

Liking Nitori even more, Haru let out a breathy chuckle. Yep, Rin had chosen well. 

"It is alright that I watch you swim? Rin invited me and I kind of just ran with the idea." Makoto was speaking again and Haru looked up. Makoto looked genuinely concerned and guilty. 

"Of c-course." 

"Oi, Nanase, you can use this lane." Mikoshiba yelled pointing to the lane nearest the edge. Nodding, Haru turned from Makoto (albeit reluctantly) and put on his goggles. 

Glancing on more time at Makoto, Haru had to hid a smile in his arm. He was back, sitting with Nitori. They both were chittering excitedly, eyes glued to Haru. 

Feeling unusually confident, despite the earlier atmosphere, Haru dove, kind of ready to show off. 

-

Nagisa giggled madly at Rei's attempt of a joke from across the counter. Despite the 5:30 rush and Makoto and Gou yelling at Nagisa to pay attention, the blond simply fluttered around his boyfriend. Rei, althought he seemed to enjoy the attenion, scolded Nagisa. 

"Aw, come on Rei-chan. They're okay. My finest baristas, all grown up!" He sniffed like he was sobbing and dramatically clutched the apron over his chest. 

Makoto didn't feel all grown up. He was struggling to make three drinks at once, going back and forth. He had a frappucino in the blender, was waiting on Gou to finish with the chocolate syrup, and was currently steaming milk for a latter, all the while running thesis statements in the back of his mind. Spring thesis was soon, and despite the fact that New Years was two days away and he was still on break, he couldn't sit still. He felt on edge, like something bad was going to happen soon and he didn't know if to duck or hide. 

"Here, Makoto." Gou tossed him the container of chocolate syrup. She pushed her own chocolate drizzled frappucino to the thankful college girl across the counter. 

Finished off another frappucino, he put stripes of chocolate across the whipped cream. Suddenly feeling hungry, he remember he had skipped lunch and the fact that he was surrounded by chocolate, his favorite, didn't help. 

Nagisa finished his latte for him, drawing a smiling face while chatting to Rei. Writing a few math problems in his notebook, Rei pushed up his glasses and gave a short answer in reply. Nagisa complained and Makoto had to dive to save a cup from breaking. The customers at the register clapped. 

Flustered, Makoto waved them off and finished his final frappucino. 

Gou was at the register, writing on cups, pumping syrups and passing off cups. Trying to remember what the hell GTF stood for, Makoto didn't notice Rin rush in the cafe.

Slapping his hands on the counter, next to Rei, Rin snapped, "Oi, Makoto!" 

Whirling around, he felt his eyes grow impossibly wide. Rin's face was red and he looked out of breath. Also, he was soaked to the bone. Apparently, it was storming outside. Wondering how in the world he hadn't noticed, Makoto took a moment to gather his wits. 

"What, are you okay? Did something happen?" 

He passed off the GTF ("Oh, Green Tea Frappucino!") to Nagisa. Rin nodded and pointed behind him, outside. 

"It's Haru. I went to his place and--" He stopped and waved his hands impatiently. "That doesn't matter. Anyway, I managed to get out of him that his speech therapy didn't go very well. And now he's holed up in his room, door locked." 

Worried, but not sure why Rin was freaking out, Makoto nodded. 

"He's never locked me out before." 

-

They both ran to Haru's apartment. Makoto had a stitch in his side, remembering why he hated running. He had terrible stamina. 

"Go, I'll be out here." Rin said, gesturing to the front door. "He won't listen to me. Just... try and get him to unlock the door." 

Makoto nodded and walked into through the door. Piles of books were scattered and a pair of damp jammers were dripping on the back of a chair. The one bedroom apartment was similar to his own, so taking a guess, he knocked on what he assumed was Haru's bedroom door. 

"Haru, it's Makoto." He said, willing his voice to sound comforting. "Please unlock the door." 

He didn't expect it to be so easy, but the door was thrown open a second later. Before he could open his mouth, he caught Haru in his arms. Back heaving, Haru hugged Makoto's middle and shivered. Feeling his shirt grow damp, Makoto guessed he was crying. Taken aback, Makoto paused before slotting his own arms around Haru's body. 

Holding him closer, Haru tightened his grip and burrowed his face closer to Makoto. 

"Haru," Makoto said, rubbing his back, pulling him tighter. "It's okay. I'm here. Breathe." Remembering the first time Haru had an anxiety attack at the cafe, he put his cheek on Haru's head. "You didn't do anything wrong." 

Like before, Haru's shaking slowed until it stopped, breathing evening out. 

They stood there, just holding each other for a few minutes. Makoto didn't dare ease up, not wanting to let go before Haru was ready. He didn't know how much Haru needed to be held and he wasn't about to guess and be wrong. 

Rin didn't come in, only looking inside once before slowly closing the front door. Frowning, he looked away, nodding to Makoto. He disappeared and everything was still. 

"It's okay." He repeated and felt a final heaving sigh leave Haru. 

Pulling away slowly, Haru looked anywhere but at Makoto. His lip ring was in between his teeth, nervously chewing on the accessory. Gathering that maybe it was a nervous habit, Makoto tried to look away too. He shouldn't be staring at his lips, not when Haru was so vulnerable. Unable to help himself, he ran a hand through Haru's hair, down from his ear to his neck. Haru let out another shaky breath, feeling heat gather in his cheeks like it always did whenever Makoto was overly caring or adorable. 

"I-I-I'm ssssssorry." He nearly destroyed the sentence, feeling tears prickle the edges of his waterline. 

Makoto shook his head and rubbed a thumb on his jawline. 

"It's okay to cry, Haru. You didn't do anything wrong." 

Chin and lip wobbling dangerously at his words, Haru dared to look at his crush (god, this was so hard to keep hidden). Makoto was smiling softly, eyes gentle. He was towering over Haru, but like a tree. Good, thick, and strong. Even his eyes reminded him of leaves. 

"You know, you one of the bravest people I know." Makoto said quietly, thumb still stroking his face. "I don't think I'd be able to do what you do. You're so amazing, sometimes I wonder..." He trailed off. He was so close to just saying what he felt. But he couldn't. Not now. "How do you do it? I'd have given up." 

Haru grabbed the hand touching his face and didn't let go. 

"It helps t-t-that you're hhhhere." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sobbing* THIS CHAPTER GUYS
> 
> I'm sorry, ugh, but it'll probably be a week before the next chapter is out. Love you all, oh my gosh. I hope you enjoyed this soul-wrecking chapter. Because I am SLAIN.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lo Douleur Exquise (n.) French  
> The excruciating pain experienced when wanting someone you cannot have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiatus explained at the end. I LOVE YOU ALL I'M SO SORRY *SOBS*

Makoto held onto Haru's thin hand, letting him borrow a shoulder. Pillowed between the couch and Makoto, Haru slept, exhausted from crying and life. Watching over the swimmer, Makoto felt his lips and chin wobble. Tears were filling his eyes and his throat was thick. Gasping silently, he looked away and tried to control his breathing. Unaware of his distress, Haru kept on breathing deeply. 

Feeling useless, selfish, and broken himself, Makoto had to suck in a deep breath to control his tears and loud sobs. What could he do? He couldn't magically make Haru's stutter disappear. Or his anxiety. All he could do was sit and hold on, toeing the line. He wanted so badly to just tell Haru his feelings, but he felt ashamed. He was so wrapped up in his own feelings, that he was ignoring Haru's. Tightening his grip, Makoto let out a shaky sigh and turned to look back. 

Haru was finally calm, his once broken expression softened by barrier of unconciousness. The skin around his eyes was dark, lip red around his worn ring, worried by his anxiety. Two hours had passed and they had not separated for a second. 

His own anxiety mounting, Makoto rested his head on Haru's. Stirring, Haru wiggled before getting more comfortable and adjusting his hold on Makoto's hand. Holding in his erractic breath, Makoto waited. For rejection, to be pushed away, anything that would rein his feelings in. Humming, Haru scooted closer and pushed his knee flush to Makoto's. 

Pain flared in Makoto's heart at the action, and tears leaked. The desire was overwhelming, but reality was still in control. He couldn't do anything, but want. 

-

Green eyes dull, Makoto scrubbed the counter. His shoulders were slumped, strokes lazy. Gou decided not to comment and continued working around him, purposefully spilling messes so Makoto could focus on a simple task of cleaning. He seemed content with fixing messes. 

"Mako-chan," Nagisa put a hand on his shoulder, standing on his toes to reach it despite Makoto's slumped figure. "There's a storm warning, so we're closing up early." 

Not really registering Nagisa's sentence, Makoto nodded and dropped the cloth. He forgot about it and went to the kitchen to hang up his apron. 

When he came back out, Nagisa and Gou were waiting on the counter, cups in their hands. The customers were gone, and everything was put away. Makoto took a moment to wonder how long he'd been puttering in the back. 

"It's pouring outside, so we're going to wait until it dies down. Here, Gou made you a hot chocolate." Nagisa pushed the drink to Makoto, who smiled shyly. 

"Thanks, Gou-chan." He said, embarrassed at his lack of presence. 

Gou simple shrugged, cheeks a little flushed. She eyed his arms as he took the offered drink, and unaware of her gaze, Makoto sipped the hot chocolate gratefully.

"I was just telling Gou-chan about New Years," Nagisa began and took a sip of his own drink. Since he didn't put a lid on his, whip cream outlined the top of his lip. "It's tomorrow." He reminded when Makoto didn't respond.

Surprised, Makoto set his drink aside. New Years was tomorrow? He'd been so upset that he'd completely forgotten. He told Haru, didn't he? Facing heating up, Makoto pulled out his phone.

"I invited Rei-chan and Gou-chan." Nagisa continued, despite Makoto's attention switching to his phone. "Rin-chan is bringing Ai-can, so you should bring someone." Smirking at Makoto's shy smile, Nagisa elbowed Gou.

"I'd really like to see Haru again," She said, careful to not meet Makoto's eyes. "I've known him basically all my life, but it's been a while. Ever since his grandmother died, he's been a bit quiet." 

Makoto gave her his full attention, looking away from his phone. 

"Oh, that's right. You'd have known him, because of Rin." She nodded, agreeing with him. "Has he always been so reserved?" 

Gou worried her lip before looking away, shrugging. "He's always been quiet and a bit aloof, I guess. I mean, when I was little, he'd always include me in their games." She frowned slightly, "Despite my brother's annoyance with me, Haru always tried to include me." 

Makoto smiled warmly, imagining Rin trying to ditch Gou, while Haru gave him a glare. He couldn't help but giggle. 

"He's had his stutter ever since I can remember." She went on, setting her cheek on a hand, "But he never really was so... introverted until his parents kicked him out." 

"Whoa, what? They kicked him out?" He sputtered. Nagisa frowned with him. 

"Yeah, I mean he was eighteen when it happened." Gou took a drink and then sighed heavily, "There was this huge situation, Rin wouldn't tell me much, other then his parents finally had enough and he went to live with his grandmother. She died not long after and he really hasn't been the same since." 

Nagisa huffed, "Honestly, will he ever catch a break? He is literally one of the sweetest people ever." Upset, he swung out his arm and managed to knock his funny bone on the back on his chair. Holding the throbbing limb, he glared at Gou while she snorted. 

"I agree," Makoto said, trying not to smile at Nagisa's pain. "I'd give anything for him to just be happy." 

Gou stopped laughing and Nagisa turned to Makoto. He looked between the two of them and tilted his head. 

"What?" He asked. 

The two baristas exchanged glances and then Nagisa slid closer, still holding his elbow. Gou's cheeks turned pink. 

"Well, it's just..." Nagisa started, but cut off at a loud booming sound. The room shook slightly and a minute later, lightening cracked. "Dang, this storm is crazy." 

Makoto, itching to just agree and ask Nagisa what he was going to say, jumped at the feeling of his phone vibrating. 

**I'll go.**

Searching his mind for why Haru said that, Makoto didn't notice Nagisa looking over his shoulder. 

"Ah! Haru-chan is coming to New Years then?" 

"Oh, I'm so excited! It's been so long!" Gou said, grinning to match Makoto's. "I wonder if he'll remember me. I hope so." 

Nagisa snorted and licked the drying whip cream moustache off his lip. 

"Of course he will, Gou-chan! You're too amazing and pretty to forget." 

Unsure how to ask Nagisa what he was going to say earlier, Makoto put his phone away and took another drink of his hot chocolate. It was growing cold. He watched the two argue, Gou turning steadily pinker at each of Nagisa's compliments. 

"I am not," She hissed, embarrassed, "Stop being ridiculous. Haru doesn't care about that stuff." 

Makoto perked up at Haru's name. "What does he care about?" 

Gou stopped pinching Nagisa's arm, the blond rubbing the offending patch of skin. He was smiling despite the pain. 

"Haru?" She asked, and Makoto nodded quickly. She looked away again, unable to watch his adorable puppy look at the mention of Haru. "Well... he cares a lot about people. He always made sure people didn't feel uncomfortable. I guess he knew what it felt like to be excluded and didn't want anybody to feel the same way." 

Sucking in a breath, Makoto felt a rush of affection swirl through him. 

"He's also really thoughtful." She smiled, probably thinking of a memory. "And despite his stutter, he actually is really good with words. He appreciates the simple things." 

-

The storm quickly turned from rain to snow, to a blizzard of ice. The cafe was closed, campus was practically shut down, and Makoto had absolutely no intention of leaving his bed. Athena curled around his feet, like always, and purred. Shaking slightly, Makoto wanted to turn up the heat and maybe grab another blanket, but one: it was cold, and two: he really didn't want to get up. (Also Athena had no intentions of letting him leave).

It was New Years eve and their traditionally plans took a dive. Nagisa called everyone cancelling their plans because of the storm and suggested they celebrate after the storm calmed down later in the week. However, looking outside his window, Makoto guessed the storm wasn't going to let up anytime soon. 

Athena stretched, yawning, before slowly curling back up, hugging his ankle. Feeling sleepy, thanks to his cat, Makoto also yawned. 

"No," He told himself after stretching himself, "It's one o' clock. Don't do it." 

Eyes heavy, he blinked lazily and flinched violently when his phone buzzed. Athena responded by digging into his ankle with her claws. 

"Ow, Athenaaaa." He whined and carefully tried to take his foot away. She was having none of it and latched on. 

Sighing and holding back another whine, he grabbed his phone with his fingertips. It was on the floor and he didn't want to disturb his cat again. 

**Haru's locked out and wont fucking grow a pair to ask you if he can stay at your place till the snow stops. Text him. I'm at Nitori's.**

Rin's disgruntled message left Makoto nervous. Would that be ok? 

**And soon. It's cold as balls.**

Trying to hide his anxienty about the situation, Makoto responded that he would. Haru needed him and he needed to stop being so selfish. Of course Haru could hang out with him until the storm died down. 

**Hey, you're welcome to stay with me and Athena. I was about to put on a movie. Come over?**

Feeling overheated, he flung the blankets away and went to set up a movie. Athena mewed angrily and hopped off the bed. She ran past him to the kitchen. 

After five minutes, Haru hadn't responded. Busying himself with piling the couch with blankets, pillows, and pulling on a pair of socks, Makoto tried not to picture the worst. What if Haru was stuck? He usually responded quickly. Was he nervous too? Embarrassed? Standing up from the couch, Makoto put on his best boots, jacket and a scarf. He couldn't just sit there. 

Opening his door, he nearly ran into Haru's fist. Shocked, Haru stumbled backwards. 

"Haru!" Makoto said, probably a bit louder than he should have, but hugged him anyway. He lingered for a moment, then pulled back. "I was about to see if I could find you. You didn't respond." 

Haru, ears and cheeks pink, looked away. 

"P-P-Phone died." 

Makoto nodded and let Haru walk in. Athena, weary of the cold, made no attempt to escape. Under the couch, she watched as they took off their shoes and winter wear. 

Covered in snow, Haru shivered. Even his eyelashes were sprinkled with flakes. Laughing at Haru's appearance, and noticing he didn't have his lip ring in, Makoto walked to the kitchen. 

"Hot chocolate?" He asked and Haru nodded. Guessing maybe Haru was feeling better today, he added, "We missed you." He pointed to Athena, who was slowly crawling from under the furniture towards Haru. "So, how's your day been?" 

Haru sat on the couch, letting Athena jump on his lap. He stroked her back and shrugged. 

"Alright," He began and Makoto felt like he'd won a private victory. Haru was smiling slightly and hadn't stuttered. "Forgot my k-key." 

"I do that all the time," Makoto called, watching the kettle for steam on the stove. "What were you doing out in this storm, though?" 

Growing more red, Haru stopped petting Athena and shifted in seat. 

"C-C-Cabin fever." He answered finally. Makoto glanced at him and saw he was gnawing on his lip. 

Amazed that Haru actually left his home, his safe place, Makoto forgot all about the boiling water. He'd never guessed Haru would get sick of his home, usually staying there for weeks on end. Silently, he cheered. 

"Well, you're always welcome here." He said and blushed despite the temperature of the room. A balmy 60 degrees. 

Haru let a small smile peak out and continued petting Athena. Remembering Gou told him that Haru appreciated the simple things, Makoto felt affection bubble up. Gosh, he really,  _really_ liked Haru. 

He just couldn't have him, and it hurt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's trip was extended another week and then some? Yep. So sorry this happened, I've been unable to update until now. I'm stuck my sister's apartment until further notice. Damn northern weather. So I probably won't be able to update every other day, but I'll try my best. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little sucker punch to the feels. I teared up. God, I'm such a sap. Also, thanks for the lovely comments and tumblr asks. They make me want to write you all a fucking novel, ugh!!!! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Years always comes with new traditions. And quite a few kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elysian  
> (adj.) beautiful or creative; divinely inspired; peaceful and perfect

The clock mounted on the wall was ticking and tocking, ever coming closer to midnight. Heart forcing itself up his throat, Makoto didn't dare speak. He was a mess and Haru really didn't need anything else on his overwhelmed plate, so he tried stayed silent and on the very edge of the couch. Athena didn't mind, taking Haru's attention completely. She was in his lap, overweight, sleepy, and practically vibrating, purring in contentment. Haru, unaware of Makoto's struggle, continued to pamper Athena. 

From the edge of the couch, Makoto snuck a glance at the pair. Athena was on her back, paws in the air. Haru was hiding a smile, failing. His cheeks were dusted pink, eyes gentle. Grinning despite himself, Makoto imagined that maybe one day Haru would be comfortable enough to look at him that way. Maybe in a perfect world, he decided. Breaking the silence, he suggested putting on a movie. 

The two had been dancing around each other all day. Haru had been over for hours, slowly becoming so relaxed he forgot to his original plan of leaving once the storm died down. The blizzard seemed to be finished, three hours in, and snow piled the streets. For dinner, Makoto offered to cook anything Haru'd like. Fumbling, Haru just shrugged, insisting Makoto make whatever he'd like, to not worry about him. Of course, Makoto being a certified mothering hen, declined and gave him three options. 

After a quick, light argument, Haru picked grilled cheese and Makoto set to work. He even made them more hot chocolate while Haru lavished Athena. 

Two hours after dinner, Makoto ran out of safe topics. He didn't really know much about Haru that didn't revolve around books, swimming, or his affinity for cats. They had successfully gone through the specifics of  _Harry Potter_  within an hour. Haru's favorite book was  _The Prisoner of Azkaban_ while Makoto's was  _The Deathly Hallows._ _  
_

"It took me three months to finish the series," He admitted, trying to stretch the conversation, "I just didn't want it to end. I grew up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione." 

Haru nodded, at peace. Athena was in a deep sleep, despite him not stroking her anymore. 

"Oh, that reminds me. Are you almost finished with  _Northanger Abbey_?" He asked, watching Haru tense slightly. "It's no rush, you're welcome to borrow it as long as you want." Haru's shoulders inched down and Makoto let out a breath. "I have about a million others to read." 

"I-I am half wwwway through." Haru supplied when Makoto fell silent. "I l-like it." 

Happy, Makoto beamed. 

"Great," Makoto heaved a relieved sigh and looked away, "I hoped you would. I read it because Austen didn't like it, her brother publishing it after she died. I wonder why she didn't, I really enjoyed it." 

Haru shrugged, not sure how to answer or if he was supposed to. 

"Man, this year has gone by so quickly, where'd it go?" Makoto mused aloud, looking at the clock. Swallowing down a nervous laugh, he glanced back his guest. "Half an hour till midnight." 

-

"I'm proud of you." 

Rin scoffed. 

"No, I really am. That text probably killed you." 

Groaning, Rin put his head behind Nitori's shoulder. "Don't remind me, I'm still in physical pain over those dipshits." 

Nitori let out a snort, amused by his boyfriend's theatrics and dramaticisms. They were in Nitori's house, a rented little cottage by the edge of town. He had two other roommates, both on Rin's swim team he learned, but they were gone to celebrate new years with their new 21 year old licenses. 

"You're probably not the only one. I know Nagisa is about to rip his hair out. Or Rei will, he gets annoyed sometimes how much Nagisa talks about them." 

Rin holds back a laugh, imagining Nagisa poking Rei with a metaphorical stick each time he said "Mako-chan and Haru-chan" this and that. 

Snuggling closer, Rin grabbed Nitori's hand and made a noise of contentment. Torn between melting at how sweet Rin was being or commenting on his new behavior, Nitori imagined maybe getting a kiss when the clock stroked 12. That'd be nice. Rin was always looking out for him, silently judging if he should touch or not. Tonight seemed like a big step, Rin taking his hand. About to burst, Nitori gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Fifteen minutes." Nitori motioned to the time on the stove, blushing a violent shade of red that matched his boyfriend's hair. Rin, happy and tired, didn't really digest his sentence. 

"Fifteen minutes too fucking long." Oh. Nitori really was going to burst. 

"Think they'll kiss?" 

Rin opened his eyes, wide. 

"Shit!" He scrambled for his phone. 

-

Bouncing around his living room, Nagisa giggled madly. He'd found the sparkling grape juice two hours too early. Despite it being non-alcoholic, Rei guessed just being up this late with carbonation would have the same effect. 

"Come on Rei-chan, dance with me!" The blond put down his bottle, juice sloshing on the counter. He made grabby hands and rushed towards his alarmed boyfriend. 

"Huh?" Rei managed to dart out of the way and Nagisa ended up grabbing the Christmas tree he hadn't gotten around to putting up. "Nagisa, you need to sit down, not dance--"

Nagisa pushed the tree out of his way. It wobbled precariously for a moment, diverting Rei's attention. 

"HA!" Nagisa lunged, grabbed his boyfriend and began wiggling to imaginary music. "Got you!" 

Blushing to the tips of his glasses, Rei sputtered. 

"Don't be a limp ("Nagisa!") fish!" He laughed, "What did you think I was going to say, huh?" He tipped backwards and Rei had to bend to keep him up right. "Oh, five minutes till midnight, Rei-chan! Kiss me!" 

The blond snapped up and missed Rei's lips by inches, catching him on the cheek, very close to his ear. 

"That's--that's not how it works, Nagisa." Rei felt like he was on fire, the spot Nagisa kissed tingling with energy. "It's on midnight that couples kiss, and I really don't think--"

Nagisa interrupted him again by snatching a kiss on the lips before gasping and pulling away. 

"Oh! You think Mako-chan and Haru-chan will kiss? Or at least hug? Ooooooooooooh, I'd pay to see that." Rei didn't respond, his brain becoming mush from the kiss. 

-

**I swear tO GOD IF YOU KISS HIM I WILL MURDER YOU EIGHT DIFFERENT WAYS.**

Thoroughly done with life, Makoto put his phone on the couch and went to put his head in the freezer. It was suddenly too hot to think, look at Haru, or even pay attention to the time. He knew he had only spare minutes until it was the new year, that he left Haru alone in his living room to watch the clock, and that Rin was probably trying to convince Nitori to let him leave to threaten Makoto in person. Hoping Nitori could calm down the redhead, he sighed. The freezer was helping, but his head was still full of images. 

...Kissing Haru. What would that be like? Or rather, what would kissing itself be like? He'd never done it, despite coming close his freshman year in university. Dorm life just wasn't for him, he had quickly decided. 

Would his lips be warm, cold? Soft, or rough? He touched his own in thought. His were kind of big, taking three fingers to measure. They were chapped too, the winter wind none too kind. If he were Haru, he wouldn't want to kiss them. Suddenly self-conscious, he tried to remember if he had any lip balm in the house. Maybe his mom had slipped some in his pocket before leaving. That sounded like a mom-thing to do. 

Risking a glance at the clock, he saw that the new year was less than a minute away. He scrambled to the living room, forgetting to shut the freezer. 

He pulled up short, about to slam his shin into his coffee table.

Haru was huddled on the arm of the couch, arms pillowing his head. His dark hair was swept to the side gently. His lips were parted, relaxed. His eyes were closed. Asleep. The sweater he was wearing was thin, but large, encompassing him like a hug. 

Shaking his head, Makoto let out a nervous laugh. He didn't seriously just make that simile did he? 

Haru let out a deep breath and wiggled, lips pursed, drawing back Makoto's attention. Athena slid from his angled lap to the corner where his thigh was close to the arm of the couch. She simply shifted to go back to sleep, a ball of indiscernible white fuzz. 

Forgetting everything around him, Makoto smiled softly. The sight was perfect, peaceful, and beautiful. This was what he wanted. A family, a relaxed, small family that made him melt at the simplest things. Unable to help himself, Makoto walked silently to the pair and leaned over. Running a hand through Haru's hair, he pulled enough back to press a light kiss to his forehead. And not to forget his precious Athena, he gave her a smooth stroke, to which she purred and stretched before going back to the world of the unconscious. 

 -

Nagisa let himself into Makoto's apartment, despite Rei's concerns. Athena, in the bathroom because she was a ninja when the door opened, meowed pathetically. Haru was so close to just holding her so she wouldn't be alone. 

"I brought popcorn!" Nagisa shouted, making Gou jump from her spot on the couch. Rin turned around, an annoyed look on his face. Nitori smiled and waved from between his feet. 

"And tea." Rei added, holding a grocery bag full of drinks. Makoto welcomed them inside, the smell of sugary goods enveloping the atmosphere. Haru stayed in the kitchen, re-reading the recipe to make sure they hadn't missed anything.

"Thanks so much, guys! I can't believe I forgot to get them." Makoto insisted and took the bags. Nagisa jumped on the couch and put an arm around Rin. The redhead simply pinched the offending limb. 

"Ouch!" He yelped and Rei shrugged when Nagisa looked to him for revenge. "You two have that in common." He pointed to the siblings, who gave him the same unimpressed look. "That too!" He whined. 

Laughing, Makoto walked into the kitchen to find Haru bending over to check the oven. The cookies were slightly golden. He put the groceries on the least crowded counter and put in a bag of popcorn for starters. He set out three more, knowing Nagisa was a blackhole. Grinning when he saw a chocolate bar at the bottom of the bag, he turned to Haru. He opened it, plucked a bar and held it out. 

"Here, Haru." Haru snapped up and slammed the oven door shut in surprise. "Oh, sorry, I just found this chocolate and thought you'd maybe like some." He began rambling, nervous at the look in Haru's eyes. "If you don't want it, don't worry. It's just my favorite and I didn't know if you wanted some. Uh, sorry."

Feeling strangely bold, Haru took the offered chocolate with his mouth. Heat went straight to Makoto's neck and gut when he saw a piercing in his tongue. Oh wow, what would that feel like to kiss? 

"Oi, Makoto!" Rin yelled, glaring at the two in the kitchen. "It's too quiet in there, bring the popcorn! We're starting soon!" 

Flustered, Makoto avoided Haru's eyes and grabbed the finished bag of popcorn. 

When he entered the living room, Nagisa was standing on his coffee table. Ignoring Rei's worries and Makoto's annoyed looks, he grinned. 

"I have an announcement my good fellows!" He yelled and Haru put the finished tray of cookies on the stove to cool. He turned, face hot from both the oven and his chocolate snatching. 

"Get off my coffee table," Makoto sighed and grabbed the blond from the underarms, setting him on the floor. "You'll break it." 

Huffing, Nagisa patted his relatively flat stomach and continued. 

"My first decree for the new year," He began, talking over Rin and Makoto's groans, "Is a movie night every week!" 

There was a few mumblings of agreement and a loud exhale of breath from Rin. Nitori simply smacked him in the shin. 

Soon, once ten minutes of arranging dates and places passed, movie night became a thing. They settled into chairs, the couch, and the floor, ready to begin their first movie night of the year. After a few shushes in Nagisa's direction and giggles from Gou, Makoto pushed play. 

Haru was pressed against him, stiff. Nagisa was adamant that they sit next to each other, relinquishing his and Rei's seats for the armchair. Rin, not happy about it, put his arm around Gou and Haru each, daring Makoto to say something. However, Makoto was quite pleased. Just being with everyone was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You totally thought we'd get a makoharu kiss, didn't you? Heh, don't kill me. :)  
> Hope the fluff healed the damage from Chapter 12. We're getting closer and closer to the end... sniff sniff.  
> Sorry this was kind of short, it was mostly an apology for the last couple of emotional chapters. Fluff can only go so far though.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life is for deep kisses, strange adventures, midnight swims and rambling conversations."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a big chapter. Warning: fluff, feels, and much needed conversations.

Snow flurried outside, lightly blanketing the sidewalks and parked cars. The cafe is packed to the gills, customers begging for warm drinks to thaw their fingers. The line nearly goes out the front door, people back to back. Most didn't seem to mind penguin huddling for warmth with strangers. Nagisa, Nitori, and Makoto worked their magic. Twirling chocolate sauce, tossing cups, and dancing around each other, they managed to keep up. Nitori, the least skilled, volunteered to take register. He took orders, scrawled the orders quickly on the cups, pumped syrups, and passed them off. He barely fumbled with the touch screen menu, breezing through the adversity. If Makoto had a moment to breathe, he'd admire him. 

Nagisa twisted under Makoto's arms with a plate of cookies and a latte in one hand. Like a practiced gymnast, he stretched and juggled. A bit thrown off his rhythm at the show of his two coworkers, Makoto fumbled the chocolate container. Heaving a good, deep sigh, he picked it up, made sure it didn't break and then proceeded to finish a very complicated drink. 

"Enjoy!" He said, pushed the drink towards a mother with two little ones hanging on her arms. She mouthed him a quick thank you and continued talking to the phone in her ear. 

Smiling, thinking of his own siblings, he went back to the world of coffee and stress. Nagisa bumped into him while trying to reach a napkin and reality hit him. Right. He couldn't space out now. 

"Put in this scone, please Mako-chan." Nagisa pushed a blueberry scone in his hands and Makoto nearly touched it with his skin. He sighed once again. 

For an hour they were blurs of green and white. Their aprons were wet with stains and sprinkled with powder because Nagisa sneezed near the cinnamon. Makoto had to apologize to a scandalized teenager and toss the remaining powder and clean the container. Finally, the rush quieted and people either settled in vacant tables or left to brave the cold outdoors. 

"Whew," Nagisa puffed and gave Makoto a sorry-not-sorry side smile. "You still have some cinnamon, well... everywhere." 

"Yes, I am aware." Makoto countered, and sent an unamused look his way. Nitori wisely didn't walk into the cross fire. "Thank you, Nagisa." 

The blond shrugged and pursed his lips. 

"I don't think it's been that busy since Christmas." Nitori broke in, hoping to switch the subject and pull it in tide from dangerous waters. 

Eyes tired, and just ready to be over with his shift, Makoto nodded. "That was weird." He mused and then looked at the coffee calendar hanging by the kitchen door. "But it is a Friday." 

"Oh, that means movie night tomorrow!" Nagisa chirped and bounced around his annoyed best friend. "You get to pick this time, Nitori. What does Rin like to watch? Ninja assassin movies? Or is he a secret softie and like the Notebook?" 

Nitori took a moment to imagine Rin watching the Notebook. The only thing he could imagine was Rin swearing up a storm. 

"Uh, well, I don't really know. I mean we went to a movie together once, but I picked it out." He hunched over. "I'm a terrible boyfriend, I don't even know his favorite movies." 

Makoto didn't really think that made him a  _terrible_ boyfriend, but decided not to comment. Of course, Nagisa thought otherwise. 

"You are not, Ai-chan." He snorted and waved a hand. "I don't even know Mako-chan's favorite movie, and he's my best friend." 

Crossing his arms, Makoto pouted. 

"Anyway," Nagisa didn't spare Makoto a look as he continued, "speaking of boyfriends..." He elbowed Makoto. "Any changes?"

Wait. What? Makoto dropped his feigned hurt look and felt genuinely confused. 

"What?" 

Nitori looked away, trying not to seem too interest in the topic despite inching closer. 

"Well you and Haru-chan of course!" Nagisa poked him in the bicep. 

Sputtering, Makoto looked away as he felt heat travel up his chest to his cheeks. "There--there is nothing between us. You know that, Nagisa." 

Raising a brow, Nagisa put his hands on his hips. Knowing that meant trouble, Makoto took a step back to stand by the register. 

"Hmm." Nagisa mummered and then snapped his fingers. "We're taking our break, Ai-chan. Got it?" 

Nitori, glad he wasn't in trouble for sort of eavesdropping, nodded. Makoto managed to glare at Nagisa before it fell flat at Nagisa's no-nonsense expression. Sighing for the millionth time, Makoto trailed after him to the break-room. 

The room was dirty, as per usual. Lockers were open and Nagisa's things were slowly spilling out onto the floor. The baristas each took respective seats and while Makoto fidgeted, Nagisa seemed at peace. 

"Talk to me, Mako-chan. You've been acting strange lately." His voice was gentle and his eyes were no longer impish. 

"I..." Makoto paused and worried his lip. "I like him. A lot. And I think I have ever since he came into the cafe." Speaking about it to Nagisa felt rather good compared to when he told Rin. "I just don't think he needs a relationship right now. He's so stressed out about his speech therapy, his anxiety, and the pool incidents... I can't tell him." 

Nagisa was staring at his clasped hands with an unfocused gaze. He finally looked up when Makoto went silent. 

"Is that what you think?" Taken aback, Makoto stared. "You think it'll help him, being alone? Getting through his therapy and the bullying without someone?" 

"He has Rin." Makoto muttered. Nagisa rolled his eyes. 

"Rin isn't enough," He pressed, "And he knows it, so he's scared too." 

Makoto let this information seep in. Rin never really made sense to him, always saying one thing and doing another. He seemed to approve and then completely twist Makoto's intentions. Maybe Rin just didn't want Haru to get hurt anymore than he was and pushing people away was the only way he knew how to help. 

"Haru unlocked his door and held onto  _you_ , Mako-chan, not Rin." Nagisa continued, voice lowering, eyes desperately trying to convey his point. "I'd bet anything that Haru feels the same way about you, he's just setting himself impossible goals."

"But," Makoto took a breath, "But you could be wrong and I could just messed everything up. I really value my friendship with Haru... It'd break me if I lost him." 

Nagisa rolled his shoulders, looking away, "Or you could be right and be there for Haru when no one else is. Didn't you once say that he was worth it?" 

Shocked, Makoto stayed silent. That's right, he thought, I did say that. _Haru is absolutely worth it_. 

-

"Nope." Rin chanted, "No, no, no, and no!" 

Taking a deep breath and telling himself that hitting Rin would just make him angrier, Nitori puffed out his chest. Haru's face looked broken as he watched his best friend shut down his idea. 

"You're being ridiculous!" Nitori yelled, face red, "What'll it hurt? Haru wants to do it, so let him." 

Rin whirled around, teeth clenched. "What'll it hurt? It'll hurt him, that's what! That idiot will say something and Haru will break down and--and...arghh!" He cut off to growl. 

"What happened to--"Nitori stopped, remembering Haru didn't know of Makoto's reciprocated feelings. And it wasn't his place to tell him. "You're being a big, fat hypocrite, you know?"

Too angry to listen, Rin snorted and crossed his arms, not looking at his boyfriend or best friend. Haru, sitting at Rin's kitchen table, looked ready to cry. His fists trembled where they were clutching his the hem of his shirt. Aching for Haru, Nitori snapped back to his boyfriend. 

"You're worried Makoto will hurt him? Look what you're doing. Haru's hurting right now and it's  _your fault_." 

Rage broken, Rin took a glance at Haru, who was avoiding eye contact. He gnawed on his ringless lip and was desperately trying to keep the tears on his waterline from falling. 

"Rin, you can't protect Haru from his feelings." Nitori took on a softer tone and stepped between his view of Haru. Rin looked up, expression drained. "Right now, Haru needs Makoto and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you keep them apart." Turning to Haru, Nitori sat at the table. "And Haru... Makoto would give anything to be with you. He..." Screw it, Nitori thought. "He likes the person you are now, not the person who you think he would like. Don't change yourself for anybody." 

Haru managed to look up, despite being humiliated. He barely knew Nitori and now his best friend was criticizing him. He just wanted to sink into the ground and never come out. 

"Haru," Nitori leaned closer, voice soothing, "Trust me. Tell Makoto, and you'll be happier. He won't judge you for your stutter or whatever. I mean, has he ever done that since you've known him?" 

Sniffling, Haru took a moment to think back. A few instances came to mind, when he thought for sure Makoto would mock him, or reject him. But he never had. 

He slowly met Nitori's eyes and gave a wobbly smile. 

-

Opening his apartment door, Makoto gave a little squeak seeing Haru outside. Cheeks pink from the cold and what he was about to do, Haru settled deeper into his scarf. 

"Oh, hey!" Makoto said, eyes worried. "Sorry, I know I invited you over but... Athena got out. I was about to call you." 

Glad he hadn't done anything to make Makoto frown, Haru nodded. 

"I-I can hhhelp you look for hh-her." He managed to get out from behind his scarf, nervous as ever. 

Brighting, Makoto quickly agreed and went back inside to get his boots, jacket, and scarf. Bundled up, Haru had to look away, afraid he'd continue to stare. Makoto was wrapped up in a large green scarf that matched his eyes, probably a gift from a loving mother. Despite being worried that Athena had gotten out, Makoto smiled when he saw Haru still waiting for him near the elevator. 

"Thanks a lot, Haru." He said, slowing down to put on a pair of gloves. "Sorry, we can come back when we find her." 

Shrugging, Haru tried to think of a way to tell him. Should he ask? Just say it? Maybe he should play it coy. Huffing, he walked into the elevator and let Makoto press the ground floor button. 

"Are you ok?" Makoto asked, leaned over to find his eyes. Wrapped up quite well, it wasn't an easy task. 

Nodding and facing Makoto, Haru pulled down his scarf. It was now or never. 

"Would you like to go s-ssswimming with me?" 

The elevator dinged, sounding louder than it actually was in the silence. Makoto felt his stomach erupt in butterflies. Swallowing, hoping to digest the critters, he nodded. 

"Oh, I'd love to!" He exited and practically bounced to the sidewalk. "Um, well, I sort of know how to swim. I can float and tread water, but I've never done much other than that." 

Warmed to the core by Makoto's acceptance, Haru let himself smile. 

"H-How did Athena ggget out?" 

"Right, Athena," Pursing his lips in mock annoyance, Makoto pointed to the open stairwell. "For emergencies, the door is left open. It's open on all floors and I already scoured the stairs. So she must have gone outside." 

Humming in acknowledgment, Haru looked around the complex's bushes. 

"Atheeeenaaaa!" Makoto called out, dunking under cars and behind foliage. "Come on, girl, you know better than this!" 

Watching Makoto fret, Haru tried not to laugh. Without knowing, Makoto had gotten his scarf caught in a bush and was about to be yanked backwards. Deciding to be a decent human being for the day, Haru walked behind him to untangle the cloth. 

"This is ridiculous," Makoto muttered, worry climbing up his throat. "Oh, thanks Haru, I didn't notice." He turned back to the bushes, looking for a fluff of white, trying discern what was snow and what could be Athena. "Ouch! Thorns, danggit. Watch out, I don't want to--"

"Crap," Haru hissed, his own scarf getting stuck. "M-Makoto, hold on." 

"Wait, I'm going to--"

"A-ah."

"Sorry!" 

Makoto grabbed his hands and Haru paused. For a moment, Makoto leaned forward, but at the last second seemed to realize what he was going. He jerked back.

"Hold on, let me." In a few short, awkward moments, they were untangled, both pink in the face. "Let's keep looking, maybe she didn't stick around here." 

Clenching his fists, Makoto continued to look for Athena. That was too close, he thought. He  _actually_ leaned forward. Seeing Haru's cold-flushed face short circuited his rational thinking. His lips were open, lip ring gone now as per-usual. They looked incredibly warm, and the situation was too adorable. Nagisa helped me get over his block, but he was still hesitant. He knew for sure though just kissing Haru wouldn't do any good. He had to do this carefully. 

Tugging on his sleeve, Haru gained Makoto's attention. He was pointing at a cluster of trash cans and a white tail. Letting out a laugh at the irony, Makoto bent down and grabbed Athena around the ribs. 

"I found her between trash cans as kitten," He told Haru, trying to not touch Athena's filthy spots, "Seems fitting it should happen again." 

-

Walking into the dark indoor pool, Makoto shivered. He was only in a borrowed pair of Rin's jammers (given reluctantly), a towel around his broad shoulders. The red stripes down his legs made him feel uncomfortable. Next to him, Haru was in his own swim shorts, purple stripes clashing with Makoto's. 

"Are... you sure this ok?" Makoto asked for the ninth time, looking around the closed pool with wide eyes. 

"Yes," Haru repeated, holding up a key. "C-Captain gave mmmme permiss--" He paused to swallow, "-ion." 

Noticing that Haru was having more trouble with his sentences now, he gave him a smile. 

"Okay, just making sure. I've... never done anything like this before. I mean, I always thought a midnight swim would be fun, but," He stopped, and grimaced at his word choice. Midnight swims usually were romantic and not at all platonic. "Yeah." He broke off, not sure where he was going with his thought. "Do you... do this often?" 

Giving him a side glance, Haru was glad for the darkness. He was sure his face would catch fire any moment. 

"No, this is mmmmy first t-time." 

Makoto slipped into the pool at his words, taking a wrong step. His towel somehow managing to hit the concrete instead of the water. Rushing to the edge, Haru tried to find him. 

For a minute, nothing but bubbles greeted him. 

"M-Makoto!" He yelled and was about to dive in when he felt wet forearms wrap around his neck and shoulders. He flipped into the pool with a loud splash and heard laughter above the surface. Surging up, he coughed and splashed a wheezing Makoto. 

"Sorry, sorry! I couldn't resist!" Makoto giggled feverishly, pink in the face from laughing so hard. 

Annoyed, Haru dove into the water. 

"Sorry, Haru, wait!" He tried to kill the laughter but it was impossible. Though it was dark, Haru's surprised expression was completely worth the silent treatment. "Come back, please. Sorry, I wont do it again." 

Bubbles popped near his shoulder and Haru rose to surface, eyes distrusting, but amused. They stared at each other in silence until Makoto cleared his throat. 

"Um, I don't really know how to swim." 

Remembering Makoto's admittance, Haru swallowed his fear and grabbed his wrists. Pulling him along, he kept his head above water. 

"Kick yyyyour feet." They were slowly swimming towards the deeper water, moving into a lane caged by buoys. "Move y-your arms l-like this." He demonstrated after letting go his his wrists. He preformed a typical breast stroke. Flailing, Makoto grabbed Haru's arm. 

"Sorry, I just don't do well with water I guess." He huffed and blinked the chlorine water out of his eyes, dripping from his hair. "Is there an easier stroke?" 

Hummed in thought, trying to forget Makoto's solid, warm grip, he finally nodded. 

"Back stroke," He answered and asked silent permission with his gestures to move Makoto. "Float onnn your back, kick, and m-move your arms like th--" He paused, words caught in his throat. "-is." 

Feeling better that his head was more securely above water, he tried the stroke. Nodding in approval, Haru followed him with his own strokes until Makoto hid the edge of the lane, stroke sideways. Holding in a snort, Haru dove underwater. Taking a deep breath and pushing down his flash of panic, Makoto followed. He wanted so badly to open his eyes, but then he would lose his contacts. Hoping he didn't look ridiculous holding his breath underwater, cheeks puffed, he waited. 

The familiar current of warm water rushed over him, telling him Haru had moved closer. A gentle pressure descended upon his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bow down to Nagisa and Nitori, that's all I have to say. Also, don't hate because of the cliffhanger. I'm just that evil.
> 
> Oh, and I changed a lot of stuff. New tags, new summary, and edited chapters. Whew, I'm on a roll.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, but cute. And so, after 14 tension filled chapters, ladies and gents, your kiss(es):

The moment Haru pulled away, Makoto inhaled pool water in surprise. Sputtering, he broke to the surface and clutched onto the lane buoys. He rubbed his eyes, making sure that the water was gone before blinking. Haru was still underwater, and by the looks of it, holding onto his knees. Giving himself a moment to realize  _yes that just happened_ , Makoto took a deep breath. Heart pounding so loud in his ears, the water seemed like a blanket. Reaching for Haru, Makoto tried to pull him to the surface, gently locking arms. Despite not being able to see, still unable to open his eyes underwater, he planted a smooth, watery kiss to what he thought was Haru's cheek. It was actually his forehead. 

Allowing himself to pulled to the surface, Haru waited. All of his insecurities were blaring at once--anxiety at Makoto's silence, why did he kiss him on the forehead (his stomach churned, just the sweetness of the kiss had him melting), fear that what if Makoto actually didn't like him like that, and maybe he just ruined only good thing in his life. 

Head successfully above water, not trusting his lackluster treading ability, Makoto held onto the lane buoys once again. He was panting, realizing that maybe he was over-reacting, but couldn't seem to control his body. He was shivering in anticipation, happiness, shock, and definite apprehension. He knew he should say something, that Haru didn't like silences when he had put himself out there, but his thoughts were jumbled. 

Haru actually kissed him. Underwater no less, during their midnight swim, holy  _what_. Cheeks pretty much fried and definitely sore from smiling too much, Makoto inched closer to the object of his affections. Looking away, holding back tears that were going to destroy him if he let fall, Haru couldn't bring himself to say anything either. He was contemplating fleeing, leaving, going back to his bedroom where the books he loved, the people he read about that he could never be that were always there for him. 

Too wrapped up in his thoughts, Haru didn't feel Makoto pull him closer, the water slowly pushing him to the buoys. 

"Haru," Makoto's voice cracked and feeling embarrassment burn up his courage, he stopped. What could he say? He wanted to just hold on to him forever, to never let go, to maybe just stay in the pool with him until the world ended. That sounded perfect. They could be alone together, somewhere Haru felt safe and confident. And Makoto was willing to learn how to swim properly for him, just to be beside him. 

 _He's absolutely worth it_ , he reminded himself and with one final push against embarrassment and his 'what ifs', he let go of the buoy. Haru finally looked back at him, and taking the chance, Makoto kissed him. 

Now able to actually enjoy the kiss and freaking  _breathe_ , Makoto lost himself in the sensation. His imagination had been sorely lacking, whenever he let himself indulge in the fantasy of them kissing. His lips were not only smooth, but velvety, just like his voice. They were warm, a gentle, perfect pressure that was slowly responding. Feeling Haru's arms wrap around his shoulders and neck, Makoto pressed harder. He didn't dare bite or even think of maybe putting his tongue to lick and just taste, the embarrassment of that possibility was cutting his concentration in half. 

The water was to his chin when they pulled away, seconds later. So close to Haru's face, Makoto finally noticed that his eyes were the most gorgeous shade of blue. They challenged the dark blues of the night, equally breathtaking when someone actually took the time to notice and just look. He also found Haru crying, water running down his cheeks, the leaking pool water from his hair making it seem like the drops were racing. Maybe they were, he thought, slightly hysterical. He just couldn't believe this was happening. 

"Haru." Makoto pulled him tighter, desperately trying to remember how to tread water because he was sinking. He couldn't even recall his own name, his mind was so high up in the clouds. 

Finally grasping the situation, Haru pulled them back to the buoys so they could breath and not worry about drowning. 

"M-Makoto," Haru stuttered, but kept on going anyway, "I like you. A lot." He took a breath, forgetting all about his stutter, needing to get this out, to tell him what he felt, "I-I'm sorry I kissed you, but I'm actually not at all, I just--" He paused, throat closing, "I had to, I didn't e-even think, I just can't hhhhelp myself a-around you." 

Giggling, ready to combust he was so happy, Makoto cupped his cheeks, ready to lose himself in another round of kissing. 

"Oh Haru," He melted, "Oh Haru," He repeated, feeling suddenly shy, "I like you so much, and everything about you. I could just spend forever holding you, in fact I'd love to, god Haru." He pulled him closer, giving him a small peck and then let a wild laugh escape, "I can actually do that now, oh wow, Haru, you wouldn't believe how much I've wanted to tell you." 

Overwhelmed, Haru let himself be pulled into a hug, rested his cheeks on Makoto's chest. His heart was like a hummingbird, matching his own. 

-

This is so unfair, Makoto thought, whining. The cafe was busy with college students, the new semester beginning and not pausing to sink its claws into any unsuspecting student. Again, he had a book under the counter, tabbed and highlighted to the point that it looked like a six year old used it as a coloring book. Spring thesis was also starting, so Makoto was appropriately stressed out. He doubted that his professors would care if he asked for maybe another week of break because he was an idiot for waiting for Haru to do something. 

Their midnight swim was still fresh in his memory. They didn't leave for another hour, despite Makoto having an early shift. Haru slept over too, falling asleep on the couch with him, Athena curled on Makoto's feet like always. He woke up three hours later sore, overheated, and giddy anyways. He gave Haru a quick kiss before jumping in the shower for what felt like two seconds, leaving his apartment with a hastily written note. 

Lunchtime had passed and Gou finally clocked in, helping him out with the college rush. 

"Morning," He yawned and smiled, eyes watering. He was mixing a peppermint mocha, wishing he was back in his apartment. "Kou-chan." 

Brightening at his words, Gou put on her apron. Her name tag was  ~~Gou~~ Kou, the letters in squished together. Laughing, he wondered how he had never noticed it before. 

"You seem to be in a good mood," She commented, taking over the mocha for him. He was just stirring it endlessly, not paying attention. "Anything good happen?" She raised her eyebrows, having a pretty good guess as to why he seemed blissfully away from reality. 

"Hmm," He agreed, humming. He went to wipe up his mess, missing it by a few good inches. "I went swimming with Haru, and we got together." 

Smirking, Gou nodded. Snapping his head in a double-take, Makoto had to remember he was talking to Gou, not Rin, they were so similar sometimes. 

"I knew it," She giggled, finished the mocha and guided his hand to the spills on the counter. "When do you get off?" 

He looked at the clock and sighed. 

"Not for another four hours," He huffed, "I'm asking for extra hours. But I have to go to the library, spring thesis is here and as much as I want to go home and see Haru..." He cut off, watching Gou's jaw drop. 

"Wait... he spent the night?" She whispered and finally her surprised clicked. 

"Oh!" He was so flustered he knocked a few cups over, "No, nothing happened. We just sort of fell asleep after our midnight swim, you know." 

Her jaw continued to drop.

"A midnight swim? Aren't you two... going a bit fast?" 

Smacking himself on the forehead, Makoto turned around to avoid her stare and to fix the cups. 

"It's not like that," He tried to stress the innocence of the situation, shaking, "Haru just wanted us to be alone when we went swimming, so we borrowed the Captain's key and uh, things sort of just happened." Hearing her shocked silence, he hastily turned around again, "No, that like that! I mean, sort of, but we just kissed and... I want to go drown myself now, good bye." 

Laughing, she pulled him back from his walk to the kitchen. 

-

It was movie night and Makoto was exhausted. Gou kept shooting him amused looks, while Rin sent him a few half-hearted glares. Nitori had him on a tight leash, drawing his attention away whenever Makoto so much as looked at Haru. Nagisa, upon learning of their relationship status, exhaled loudly. 

"FINALLY!" He yelled, and poked them both in the chests, "Do you know what I went through? How much stress? How many sleepless nights? Gah, you two!" He proceeded to hug them and pull Rei inside, who looked at them both with an apologetic smile. 

"Congratulations," He said, pushing up his glasses. "And thank you," He whispered, leaning closer, "He was driving me insane."

Embarrassed, Haru looked away and gripped Makoto's hand. Waving away Rei, Makoto squeezed back. 

"Oi," Rin snapped and received a good poke in the ribs for his volume from Nitori, "Ow, geez, I was just going to say Ai picked out a movie, so lets get it started already." 

Joining everyone in the living room, Makoto sat on the edge of the couch, letting Haru squeeze between him and Rin, like usual. Happy with the arrangement, Rin nodded and turned his attention to the television. 

The movie began playing and not recognizing it, Makoto let himself yawn. He tried to hide it behind his hand, but Haru seemed to have noticed. He put his head on his shoulder, leaning into him tensely, like he expected to be pushed away. Letting out a breath, Makoto rested his own on Haru's smiling as he slowly relaxed and puddled practically in his lap.

Forgetting the movie, Rin's not-so-subtle glances and Nagisa's feverish whispers to Rei, Makoto took Haru's hand and closed his eyes. 

What felt like five minutes later, Makoto slowly blinked and realized the movie was long over, the tv black. Nagisa was the last person leaving, waving quietly before closing the door. Closing his eyes once again, Makoto felt his exhaustion wrap him in a tight blanket. Not noticing Haru was still there, he didn't feel the quick, soft kiss he left on his cheek before leaving, a small, but true smile on his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, after 'Your Protector', I'm finishing up 'Sweater Weather' and then my multi-fic makoharu projects will be put on hiatus. I'm working on a big SNK fic, so that'll take up most of my time. 
> 
> However, feel free to give me little prompts on tumblr, skype, or in the comments. I'd be happy to write little drabbles if you're feeling sad or slightly masochistic. ;) (tumblr and skype: cotttontale)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed." - Ernest Hemingway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while listening to the Attack on Titan Soundtrack. Needless to say, I feel like I could kill something with my bare hands right now. Enjoy! :)

Makoto hadn't slept in about 29 hours, but was too excited to even think of falling asleep. His eyes were in a permanent position of half-open, exhaustion slowly creeping in, but he pinched himself over and over to insure his wakeful state. Athena was near his feet, belly close to dragging on the kitchen floor. He was kind of in awe how fat she was, but secretly enjoyed her weight because she was easier to cuddle with and she was so fat now she couldn't get on the counters. 

He laid out all the ingredients he figured they would need, not bothering with a recipe except to check on the temperature for the oven and how long they should bake. He usually just threw stuff together, despite Nagisa's screams at him. He still wasn't allowed to make anything for the cafe. Crossing his arms, he studied to cat-free counter. The butter was softening, the milk was out, along with the flour and sugar. He didn't need anything else, did he?

The door bell rang, and having nearly fallen asleep standing up, Makoto jumped at the distraction. He ran to the door, trying to stay awake. Yawning widely, he waited for his sleepy tears to dry before opening the door.

"Hey," He smiled, and blinked rapidly. "You're early."

Haru simply shrugged and walked inside, which was an improvement. Makoto always had to verbally or physically invite him inside. Happy, he hugged his boyfriend and gave him a peck on the forehead, too tired to aim for his lips. If he leaned over too much, he felt like he'd fall over and not get up for three days. If he hadn't been as tired as he was, he would have noticed the ring in Haru's lip. 

Pulling away, Makoto helped Haru de-layer. The weather was slowly calming down after the constant snow storms, but Haru was sensitive to the cold, Makoto learned. He peeled off his scarves (two, count them _two_ ) and after pulling off his hat, smoothed down his hair. Haru gave him a confused look, and slowly grabbed his wrist to stop patting his head. Makoto blinked and realized he must have kept patting his head even after his hair was behaving. He sighed. 

"Are y-you okay?" Haru asked, taking his winter gear from Makoto and placing it on the couch.

Makoto shrugged at first and watched Haru grow two heads.

"Whoa, that's not right."

"Makoto," Haru tilted his two heads in opposite directions and Makoto vigorously scrubbed his eyes. Haru was back to one head now. "What's w-wrong?"

This was supposed to be their first date, Makoto thought. He finally had a day off and no class, despite having pounds of homework. He'd rather have Haru than sleep. 

"I just didn't sleep well," He said, shrugging again. It was kind of the truth: he didn't sleep well, having not slept at all. "I'm okay, I just need some coffee." 

Unconvinced, Haru gave him a nervous side glance before kneeling to Athena, who was attacking his shoe laces in order to gain attention. 

"Anyway, I got everything in the kitchen," He pointed in the general direction of what he thought was the kitchen. It wasn't. "Geez, sorry Haru, I guess I'm really tired." 

Haru only shot him a fond look. 

"You ppppulled an all-nighter didn't you?" He didn't wait for Makoto's affirmation and just grabbed his hand, tugging him away from the front door. He was careful of Athena at his feet, following, no doubt hoping to be rubbed again. 

"No, wait," Makoto stopped and Haru turned around, raising a brow. "This is our first d-date." He yawned, tears blurring his vision. "I can't just go to bed now." 

"You can and y-you w-will." Haru pulled him along again toward his bedroom, watching Athena run in the room first, probably to claim a side of the bed. 

Haru knew he was blushing, happy that this was their first date (baking together), but didn't mind napping with Makoto. In all honesty, that sounded better than baking. And he really needed some warm, safety right now. He tugged him down in the bed with him, aware of how ridiculous this was turning out to be, but Makoto went down like a sack of rocks. Mindful of the cat, Haru laid down and faced his boyfriend. He hid his smile behind a hand, still not sure how he managed to snatch such an amazing guy. 

"Mmmm," Makoto mumbled and pulled Haru closer, "Sorry, but I'm five seconds away.. from... falling," He yawned once more and nuzzled his head on top of Haru's, glad he still only had one. "Asleep..." 

He managed to finish his sentence, but the tension leaked out his body and he began breathing slowly. Kind of in awe of how quickly he nodded off, Haru stared at his neck and chest. He was currently tangled up, but was too comfortable to move. He let his eyes close.

-

"So... on your first date... you fell asleep?" 

Taking a break from typing up his thesis statement and outline, Makoto pinched the bridge of his nose. When Nagisa said it like that, it sounded worse than it actually was. Frustrated and tired despite actually managing to get eight hours of sleep, Makoto looked at his best friend. 

"I was busy, there wasn't any time to sleep. So yeah... we took about a five hour nap together. He said he slept through about an hour before he got up, actually." 

Nagisa wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. Possibly both.

"And that's it?" He asked. "Did you guys do anything? I feel like all you two do is sleep together." 

"We... um, baked a little bit before he left. Well, he did while I was still sleeping, but I woke up when Athena pounced on me." He scratched the back of his neck, "We cleaned the kitchen together and planned another time to... well, our second date." 

He couldn't help it. Nagisa laughed, but quickly quieted at Makoto's raised brow. 

"Right, well, you technically didn't even have your first date. I mean, you cleaned together? That's not really romantic, Mako-chan." The barista tickled Athena's belly before snapping his head up, beaming, "Oh! Please let me plan your next date, first, second, whatever number you want. I have a good idea." 

Hesitant, Makoto stared at his laptop. 

"Well, we already planned to go to the Aquarium next week." 

Nagisa pouted. "Oh come on, that's not romantic. Looking at seafood?" 

Makoto glared and stood up, ready to go to bed despite it being early. Maybe he could use that as an excuse for Nagisa to leave. 

"Please!" Nagisa begged and Makoto immediately felt guilty. He hadn't seen Nagisa for a while, it being just the two of them. "I promise it'll be the best date ever, I'll even make sure Haru knows beforehand." 

Feeling slightly better, Makoto nodded. 

"You have to ask him." 

"Aww, you're no fun." 

-

Having yet to come up with their second date, Nagisa apologized to both Haru and Makoto, promising to at least plan their third date. Walking to Haru's apartment without a plan unnerved him. The Aquarium was closed on Sundays, surprisingly, and he really didn't know what to do. Haru didn't like crowded places, or really anything new. He could understand both sides of Haru's argument, but that left very few places they could go. Their first date was kind of a disaster, thanks to him. Haru's idea of a midnight swim was so great, he felt like he had to top it, despite them not dating at the time.

What was better than a midnight swim? The thrill of sneaking in, being alone, and doing something Haru loved... he didn't know if he could do better.

He was more than halfway to Haru's door when he stopped abruptly.

No, don't think like that, he chided himself. Be happy with the time you have with him, he thought, taking a firm step forward. Haru wasn't the type of person to judge him so harshly, or at all. They'd figure something out and it'd be wonderful because they were doing it together. That's all that mattered. 

He knocked and felt his heart skyrocket to his throat. The door swung open, revealing a dirty, almost trashed looking apartment. Running inside, he didn't bother shutting the door. 

"Haru? Haru! Where are you?" He frantically searched until he heard a small noise from inside his bedroom. 

Stretching over the bed, Makoto let out a relieved breath. Haru was curled around his knees, rocking slowly. 

"Haru, what's wrong?" He asked, voice soft. 

As if he didn't hear him, Haru continued to sniff and clutch the fabric on his knees. Daring to touch him, Makoto placed a hand on his shoulder. Flinching violently, Haru turned around and let out a small whimper. Snatching his hand back, Makoto apologized profusely. 

"M-M-M-Makoto, mmmmmmy pa--" He gasped, sobs shaking his body. Makoto grabbed him and felt Haru cry into his shoulder. It was achingly familiar. "Parents, t-t-they--" Haru paused again, out of breath. 

"It's okay now." Makoto whispered and held on, feeling anger boil up inside him. "Haru, you're okay. Breathe, you can tell me whenever you feel better." 

Keeping silent the thought ' _what if I never feel better_ ', Haru nodded. He clung onto Makoto, cheeks burning. He felt ridiculous. He felt small, like a child. He almost wished Makoto wasn't there to see him this way. 

For half an hour, Haru held on and hiccuped his way to a destroyed calm. Holding in a breath when Makoto moved, he avoided his eyes. Makoto put his hands on either cheek and tried to gather whatever information he could. His usual blue eyes were ten times brighter, flooding in tears, red rimming the edges like angry sores. His fingers brushed all eight of his ear piercings, cold and sharp. His thumb smoothed over the ring on his lip, looking abused with constant worrying and biting. 

This wasn't good. Haru hadn't even looked this thoroughly wrecked when the pool incident happened. 

Inhaling shaky breaths, Haru finally met his eyes and let out an inaudible sigh. He seemed to be shivering, he was shaking so hard. Pulling him back into an embrace, Makoto placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. Wobbling dangerously, Haru pushed back, breaking the contact. Ignoring the flash of hurt at the movement, Makoto let Haru have his space. 

Haru tried to get control of his breathing, or at least some semblance of control. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe evenly. He wanted to vent, he wanted to break something, he wanted to close his eyes and pretend reality didn't exist. Maybe he was in a nightmare and he would wake up in Makoto's arms. Maybe he was still at Makoto's apartment, sleeping in his exhausted arms, Athena at their feet. Haru opened his eyes again and saw Makoto's worried expression, tinted with impatience. 

"I-I'm sssssorry." He began and took a deep breath, "I'm ss-s-s-so sorryyyy." 

Makoto itched to just leaned forward and never let go, but instead grabbed Haru's hands, steading them. Feeling slightly better that he was holding onto his hands, Haru chided himself for thinking Makoto would judge him for his speech or reactions. 

"M-my pppparents called." He paused, throat throbbing, stutter controlling his muscles, "T-t-t-they argued a-and told mmme to s-s-stop see--" He gasped, throat closing, "-ing y-y-you." 

Makoto didn't know what to do. He felt cold, ashamed, pathetic. What could he do? He hadn't caused this to happen, he'd hurt Haru  _again_. 

"T-They n-never," He inhaled and started over, "They h-h-h-hate mmme. I'm different, a-and they c-can't dddeal with iiiit. I feel l-lost, M-M-Makoto, wwwhat do I d-do?" 

He was crying again, tears falling freely and quickly. He wiped his face on his sleeve, embarrassed, but too far gone to regret his words. Makoto always made him feel better, he was the best thing to ever happen to him. He was beautiful, inspiring, steady, firm, and never judged Haru for anything. He felt more tears rush down, wondering how in the world he ever deserved someone like him. He didn't feel like he earned him, he felt inadequate. 

"I don't know," Makoto whispered, crying now. He could never stop from tearing up when other people were crying. His heart was breaking. "I don't know, Haru. I'm so sorry, I did this, I'm so sorry." He broke off and cradled Haru's hands to his forehead, still sobbing. 

"I-I-I-I," Haru didn't know what to say. Watching Makoto crumble was too much, "M-M-Makoto, d-don't cccry."

Feeling Haru caress his thumb over his hands, Makoto inhaled sharply. Haru was comforting him. Haru was worried about him, despite having a million and one things to worry about. Heart pinching, he looked up. He felt terrible, making Haru be the strong one when he needed, desperately, someone to hold onto. 

"Haru, don't listen to them." He willed himself to stop crying and kissed Haru's knuckles, lost in the moment. "You haven't done anything wrong. Loving someone isn't wrong. They just don't see the incredible--" He gasped, pausing, losing himself in the emotion, "--Incredible person you are. So, so... please, don't cry."

Slowly coming back to himself, Haru nodded until he felt Makoto place a hand on his cheek. 

"You're so brave," He was back to whispering, not bothering to wonder why, "You're honest, amazing, sweet, and that makes them angry. You love so much, they just can't understand. So don't cry, okay? I'm here and I'd do anything for you. Just ask." 

Choking back a loud sob, Haru hugged him again, breaking away after a minute to kiss him within in an inch of his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a serious amount of time because dealing with the kind of shit Haru is isn't easy. I want to do it justice and be realistic, and that's really hard. I apologize if this seems horrible to you, because it does to me. Haru doesn't have a perfect life and it makes me hurt ugh bye bye I'm going away forever now because ouchie. 
> 
> And bless you guys you have been leaving me message on tumblr, oh my gosh just seeing that notification on my dash makes my day you have no idea. Don't hesitate to ask anything, I'm actually a huge spoil sport and kind of tell you everything I probably shouldn't about this story. haha oops sorry not sorry


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." -Ernest Hemmingway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end note. Also, any book suggestions to mention, my dear bookworms?

For a long time, Haru didn't pull away. He was attached to Makoto's lips, anchored down by affection and desperation. The feeling of his chapped, encompassing lips did wonders to balm his breaking heart and mind. Waves of air blew over his face, Makoto breathing deeply and exhaling through his nose so he could continue to kiss him. He could feel a mad rush of giggles tickling up his throat, the edges of his lips curling in happiness. Right now, he would just focus on Makoto. No matter what his parents said, he'd never let him go just because they feared what they didn't understand. 

"I love you," Makoto said around his lips, words shaping and tingling with energy. "So much." 

Pulling back as if he'd been electrocuted, Haru gaped at his boyfriend. Red from the kiss or the confession, he didn't know. He watched as Makoto's face morphed from blissed-out happiness to terrified shock. 

Haru felt like he was flooding internally, heart jackrabbiting against his ribs. Makoto had never lied to him before, so why would he now? They'd only known each other for little over half a year, dating for not even a month. Could he possibly mean it? Wait, did he love him back? Staring into his shimmering green eyes, outlined in red from crying with him, the first thought in his mind was  _yes I do._ And that terrified him. 

"I'm sorry," Makoto whispered, taking Haru's silence harshly. His face was crumbling. "I shouldn't have said anything, I didn't even think. Oh god, Haru, you don't have to say anything. There's absolutely no pressure, feel free to kick me out or something. I... I only just realized what I was feeling, sorry, so sorry." 

Rushing forward, Haru snatched his wrist as he made to stand. By the way his arm was shaking, he could tell Makoto was trying not to cry. He felt his own arm following suit. Makoto wouldn't look at him, but he didn't yank his wrist back. His free arm was covering his eyes, body heaving upwards as he took a breath and sniffed. Slowly losing his confidence, Haru dared to leaned forward and took Makoto's other arm, pulling it away from his eyes. 

Confused, Makoto finally met his eyes. 

"No, d-don't cry." He repeated, but quickly blocked his jolt of anxiety, remembering his breakdown. Telling himself that Makoto shouldn't be left in the dark, he continued, "I'm just ssscared." 

If Makoto was expecting anything (rejection, yelling, a quiet dismissal), it definitely wasn't this. He didn't doubt for a minute, Haru's fear. He felt it too, only amplified by the situation. Haru's blue, almost purple eyes were flooding with tears again. He tried to blink them away the moment they touched his water line, but Makoto had seen them. He sat down and twisted his grip to hold Haru's hands. 

"Me too," He breathed, squeezing Haru's slightly shaking hands. "But... I really do." 

Leaning forward, Haru rested his forehead against Makoto's. 

"I-I love yyy--" He swallowed, throat tight, "--you t-t-too." 

Laughing, Makoto kiss him on the cheek.

-

The cafe was buzzing, a line forming once again out the door. Haru sat at the counter, crowded, but didn't seem to mind much. College students only sat next to him, textbooks and notes out, not paying him any attention. A few regulars recognized him and offered a smile, which he quickly offered back, but less enthusiastic. He began to blush after the four greeting. 

Makoto was trying his best to keep Haru company, working with Gou, who also tried to make Haru seem comfortable. When he first saw her, he nodded and let her fawn over him. 

"I didn't really get to talk to you at movie night," She sighed and put together a frappucino while speaking, "It's been so long. Oh, um, you remember me right?" 

"Rin's s-sister," He nodded, and cupped his latte, "K-Kou." 

She hadn't stopped smiling since. 

"Sorry, Haru." Makoto said, "It's busier than usual. What book did you bring this time? Did you finish  _Northanger Abbey_?" 

Haru pulled out two books from his bag,  _Northanger Abbey_ and  _The Fellowship of the Ring_. 

"Y-Yes, I liked i-it." He passed off the Austen book, watching Makoto glitter. He gestured to his Tolkien book, "I started t-this two days aggggo." 

Makoto nodded, working on a peppermint mocha. He counted about thirty orders of it so far. 

"Oh, I've been meaning to read  _The Hobbit_ , but spring thesis is kind of taking over my life. Do you remember when I told you I was thinking about writing on Dickens?" 

Haru nodded, taking a sip of his latte. Gou had tried a design of a fish, but it didn't really work out. He enjoyed it all the same. 

"Well my prof approved my thesis statement after some editing, so right now I'm working on my outline. I'm about half way done. It has to be twenty-one pages." 

A sickly feeling erupted in Haru's stomach at the thought. School wasn't something he was comfortable with. Makoto glanced at Haru's face, noticing him biting his lip, signalling anxiety. He quickly changed the subject. 

"Anyway, you've seen the  _Lord of the Rings_ movies, right?"

Haru shook his head. Makoto felt his mouth drop open in surprise. Even Gou paused in her working. 

"What?" Makoto and Gou squeaked at the same time, making Haru shrink back. "Sorry, I just can't believe it. I grew up with those movies, despite closing my eyes in the majority of them." 

Gou laughed at Makoto, slapping him on the arm. 

"Why don't we watch them next movie night?" She suggested, going back to finishing a tea and putting a cookie on a plate for a small boy. He smiled and shakily handed her a dollar for tip. 

"That's about ten consecutive hours, Gou." Makoto whined, remembering the first time he marathoned the movies. For two weeks, his sleep schedule had been ruined. 

Trying to get back into the conversation before he lost the will to be out in public, Haru cut in, "O-Okay. Um, but are t-they liked the boooooks?" 

Gou shrugged, "Never read 'em."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Makoto answered, "Not really, I mean some parts. But they are seriously well done. Today, Tolkien's writing is difficult to understand for the majority of people, so a lot of the parts in the books were cut or just done differently. But I think they were done pretty fairly, considering how books are usually butchered." 

Affection was rising in Haru's chest at Makoto's analysis. He almost forgot Makoto was a classical literature major and genuinely enjoyed reading. 

"The books are definitely worth reading though," He hinted, tossing Gou a look, "Tolkien's words are almost like poetry." 

"Right," Gou said and tossed him a cup to finish for her. "I'll get on that. I just appreciate he made the women so badass." 

Makoto simply smiled, agreeing. 

Subject dropped, Makoto went back to work, watching Haru slowly open up his book. Carefully, he put  _Northanger Abbey_ under the counter so he didn't ruin it when he spilled something. He had learned to accept long ago that he definitely would spill something at least once a day. 

Like a well oiled machine, he and Gou blazed through most of the orders, smiling when complimented and offering a good morning. To not be distracted by Haru, as much as he wanted to be, Makoto took the register. He was mostly functioning on auto-pilot, mentally writing and editing his thesis paper. Only when he fumbled a plastic drink he had just pumped full of syrup that got in his hair (dang it, the syrup was terrible to get out), did he finally focus. 

Giving him a wet rag to wipe his hair, Gou did her best not to laugh at him. He didn't notice Haru hiding a small smile and snort behind his paperback. 

The door twinkled, catching their attention. 

"Ah, hey Rei." Makoto greeted, looking up, still trying to get the sticky syrup out of his hair. 

Rei was fashionably dressed like always, taking his jacket off to reveal a sweater vest over a button up with rolled sleeves. Gou did a double-take when he pushed up his glasses, watching his forearms. 

"Nagisa, that little booger." She mumbled under her breath, but Makoto still heard her. He laughed. 

"Morning," Rei shivered and claimed an empty seat by Haru. Haru looked up, "Hello Haruka." 

Haru tensed for a moment, glanced at Makoto and then back to Rei. His cheeks were blooming pink again, at the use of his full name. 

"H-Hi." 

"When does your shift end, Makoto?" Rei asked, nodding approvingly at the spine of Haru's book. 

Surprised, wondering why Rei wanted to know, Makoto shrugged. 

"I think around two, I'll have to double check in the back. Um, why do you want to know?" Out of habit, Makoto started on Rei's medium pepper mint tea. Rei smiled at him. 

"Could you also make a medium chai tea latte, to go?" He was looking at the menu, double checking he was saying the right words. 

Remembering that the latte was Nagisa's favorite, Makoto smiled and grabbed another cup. 

"And Nagisa said he figured out, um, your next date." He was also blushing, matching Haru's. For someone so independent, Rei seemed to embarrass quickly. 

At Haru's confused expression, Makoto sighed. 

"I guess Nagisa didn't ask you," Makoto said to Haru, who put his book down to listen. "He wanted to plan sometime for us, but I told him to ask you first." 

Understanding dawned in Haru's eyes, though he looked uncomfortable at all the attention. Gou began to work on Nagisa's drink and Makoto finished off Rei's tea, taking his payment. 

"H-He doesn't have mmmmy number." Haru guessed, looking at Rei. "W-What did he have i-in mmind?" 

Rei smirked, happily taking his tea. 

"The Aquarium!" 

Makoto fumbled the lid for Nagisa's drink. 

"Hey, Nagisa made fun of me when I suggested the Aquarium." Rei shrugged at Makoto's put out frown. "What's he planning?" 

"He didn't say exactly," Rei took a sip of his tea, sighing gratefully at the warmth. Haru began fidgeting. "Just that whenever you're off to meet him at the Aquarium. I even think he paid for you tickets already." 

Makoto huffed, "Of course he did." 

-

Having no choice now that Nagisa had actually paid for them, Makoto and Haru walked to the Aquarium. Makoto was still trying to figure out Nagisa's scheme, wondering how in the world his plans would be any different. Oh, maybe it would be a double date, with him and Rei. That could be fun. He chanced a peak at Haru, who was curled up in a orange borrowed scarf. He had forgotten his, so Makoto oblidged. 

Holding his breath, Makoto reached for his gloved hand. He waited for Haru to flinch or pull away in surprise, but Haru just gripped his hand tightly and kept on walking, the Aquarium coming into view. 

Cheeks warm and belly fluttering, Makoto smiled and waved to Nagisa and Rei when they came into view. Rei had his arm around Nagisa, who was bundled in a bright pink scarf and hat. His contrast in style next to Rei hurt Makoto's eyes. 

"Mako-chan, Haru-chan!" Nagisa chirped, bouncing up to the pair. Rei simply followed, obviously happy despite his huff. "Finally, come on, we might miss it." 

Pulled through the front entrance, Makoto still held onto Haru. 

"Wait, miss what exactly?" He asked, watching Nagisa exchange a look with Rei. 

"The indoor dolphin show!" Nagisa sang, waddling through the powdered snow. "Rei-chan knows someone who works here, so he managed to get us good seats. 

At Nagisa's words, Haru brightened, squeezing Makoto's had in excitement. He looked relaxed now, and positively cheerful. Pushing down the disappoint rising in his chest, Makoto followed. He wished he had thought of this. Did Haru count this as their first, real date?

Shoulders slumping slightly, Makoto walked into a warm auditorium. The smell of the ocean and saltwater felt overwhelming, invading his senses. The music was loud and playful, a large digital clock hovering over tank. The tank easily held over 20,000 gallons of water, though it was empty.

Nagisa handed off their tickets to a bouncer, who led them to the third row, right next to a splash zone. Makoto prayed they wouldn't get splashed. The journey home wet and cold would be agony.

"I'm so excited!" Nagisa was bouncing on his bleacher seat, holding onto Rei's forearm. "I've only ever seen a penguin show. They're so smart, I can't wait to see what dolphins can do."

"A-A lot, actually." Haru spoke up, surprising Makoto who had temporarily zoned out.

"Ooooh, it starts in three minutes, this is going to be amazing."

Makoto smiled at his friend's joy and glanced at Haru, who was watching him silently.

"Are y-you okay?" He looked concerned and Makoto felt guilt crush him.

"I'm great, honestly." Makoto responded, reminding himself that this wasn't something he'd probably see again soon. He was with Haru and his best friends. He should be happy and grateful. "What about you? Dolphins are your favorite animal."

Haru, pleased with his answer for now, nodded and glanced at the digital clock over the tank impatiently. He mirrored Makoto's position, and leaned into his side. He was not tense or shaking, but simply relaxed. Makoto laced their glove-free hands and glowed at the contact.

"Did you hear what Rei-chan said?" Nagisa inquired, looking mystified. Rei looked proud of himself over Nagisa's head. "Dolphins don't drown while sleeping because they only have half of their brains asleep! Isn't that so cool?" 

He looked genuinely interested in the information and bubbled about how cool dolphins were until the music stopped and the lights were dimmed. 

The show began with a splash, and Makoto internally cringed when he thought those exact words. He flinched away from the spray of water that went over the tank, dosing a few people in the splash zone. Nearest to the zone, Makoto scooted closer to Haru. 

-

"I knew this would happen," Makoto huffed, rubbing his frozen arms. "I should have switched spots with Nagisa." 

Chuckling quietly, Haru shot him an amused look and tossed a towel over his head from his bathroom. 

The dolphins had been amazing and even waved back to Nagisa as he stood up and wildly started to shake his arms to catch their attention. Of course, the animals had to jump for him and splash Makoto. Four times. 

"I'll put your cccclothes in the dryer, go change into w-whatever you want." 

Maybe it was Haru's good mood, or the dolphins, but Makoto noticed he didn't stutter as badly as he had the past few days. Encouraged, he jumped up and borrowed the biggest clothes he could find. When he came out, he could barely move his arms the shirt was so small. He found Haru in the kitchen, holding his cell phone with a deep frown. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, glancing at the phone and then back to Haru. 

Haru looked up, eyes wet and bright. He let out a shaky breath and handed over his phone. 

"My ppppp-p-parents are cccoming to v-visit next w-w-week." He explained, showing Makoto the text message. "T-They want to meet y-you." 

And just like that, Makoto's playful mood vanished and Haru's progress seemed anulled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took 5 days, gahhh! Many of you wonderful readers have said you also have a stutter, social anxiety, or can just really relate with these boys. So this chapter was for you fighters. :)
> 
> Annnnnd anybody else excited for the Makoharu Festival on tumblr??? I cannot wait. I am up on the list as a BETA, so feel free if you're a writer to ask me to help you out. I'd be thrilled to edit and brainstorm with you. Just message me on tumblr and check out the rules on the Festival's page.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is Haru's backstory and is very heavy. Basically, this is Haru's internal mapping through-out the story and how he slowly realized he didn't need to fix himself. But it's probably my favorite, other than CH 16.

Haruka Nanase was ten years old when the bullying began. 

He had a feminine name. He was considered a prodigy among his peers. He was quiet, reserved, and preferred to be alone. He was smart. He was  _different_ _._ His silence was mistaken for mock indifference, his intelligence for snobbery. 

Jealously turned into a sinister envy, which shaped into hatred. 

_Why did he get to skip a grade? Why is he so quiet? Does he think he's better than us?_

Haruka Nanase was fifteen years old when he got his first piercing. The safety pin was disinfected, and served as a distraction. Sticking out of his ear, he watched as the blood trickled down his neck. The minute pain was a relief, the aesthetics of the piercing calming. He was different. So what? 

"What did you  _do_?" His mother screeched, standing in his door way, hands over her mouth. "Haruka, what is wrong with you?" 

What was wrong with him? He didn't talk, too afraid of the harmful words that would be flung back at him. Why was he so different, that even his mother thought he was something to be hated?

His mother was kneeling next to him despite her heels and pencil skirt. She grabbed his chin and yanked his head side to side. She was frowning, glaring. He felt shame crash over him like a wave, settling in his stomach like a heavy brick. But the pain in his ear served to remind why he did it.

"Honestly, I don't know what to do with you anymore." She kept on talking, and eyed the bloody safety pin. "Haruka, why did you do this? Tell me now." 

Why was she treating him like a child, speaking to him like he was still ten years old? Did she think he'd lie? 

"You should try and make friends." She said after a long minute of silence. "Is this a cry for attention?" 

Something burned within him, something he hadn't felt in a long time. The feeling was clouding his vision, muddling his thoughts. He was angry. 

She told him to just wait until his father got home. Shaking in his bed, imagining the horror of what was to come, Haru hugged his knees. But he couldn't bring himself to regret the pain in his ear. 

When Rin first saw his piercing, he stared. Stuck to the floor, Haru felt panic flare in his body. Would his only friend hate him? Mock him? Ask what was wrong with him, like his mother, like his father? 

"Whoa!" Rin burst into a grin, bright and genuine. "You got a piercing? And your parents  _let you_?" 

At Haru's silence, he looked into his eyes. He smirked and smacked him on the arm. 

"Oh, so they didn't. You're growing up, Haru. Good for you." 

Belly growing warm, chest loosening, Haru relaxed for the first time in five years. 

Haruka Nanase was sixteen years old when he had his first crush. He had four piercings now, each done in a moment of desperation. Each time, his mother and father would yell at him, but the damage was done. They tried to hide the safety pins, but he was considered a genius now. That didn't hinder him. 

His crush was tall, thick, and radiated confidence. He treated everyone equally, smiling, offering to help with homework or a test. He liked to read, he liked to tell everyone that he liked to read, and now liking to read was considered cool. If he decided to wear glasses, everyone else would. If he decided to include Haru, everyone else did. 

The sudden switch threw Haru for a loop. People were telling him good morning, asking him what he was reading. Did he like sports? Oh, swimming was pretty cool, did he do it competitively? 

Rin didn't like the switch. He didn't like the boy. He didn't like change. 

"You like him?" He asked, watching Haru's face bloom red. He snorted, "Of course you do." 

That was the first time Haru felt genuinely angry at Rin. 

But word soon got out of Haru's crush, and the switch flipped easily as it did the first time. The boy was disgusted. He decided to hate Haru, so everyone else did too. 

"It's just a phase, Haruka." His parents told him, crossing their arms, disappointed and visibly scared. "You're a teenage boy, you're just crying for attention. You'll like girls soon." 

That night, he pierced his lip. 

Haruka Nanase was seventeen years old when he developed a stutter. Everyone remembered that he was the boy with a gay crush, the boy who was awkward and different. He had piercings? He didn't talk? He was gay? 

He was avoided. Ignored. Did he even exist anymore? 

"Presentations are tomorrow," Rin whined, laying upside down on the couch. Gou was beside him, trying to braid her hair. "I haven't even finished my speech. Have you?" 

Haru nodded, looking over his notecards. They were neat, crisp, smooth and unwrinkled. He hated them. He wanted to punch holes in them, rip the sides, or at least color them. They reminded him of his black and white parents. 

"Want to practice? Gou, stop bothering us alright, mom probably wants you in the kitchen." 

Gou kicked him in the shin hard for his words. Haru glared at Rin until he mumbled an apology. 

"Come on, say your speech, so I know what I should write." Rin urged and missed how Haru began chewing on his always-there lip ring, rubbing his aching leg. 

Haru stood up, but he couldn't read his notecards. His hands were shaking, arms trembling. 

"It's okay," Rin reassured. "Everyone will be nervous. Try to imagine it's just me." 

The illusion did not help. Haru couldn't bring himself to believe in the lie. Everyone would be there. Everyone would be nervous, on the defense. They would be no kinder. 

He stuttered, ripping the sentences apart, pausing, gasping, destroying the words he loved. He snapped his mouth shut. 

Haruka Nanase was eighteen years old when he was kicked out. He had graduated, he was free, he didn't have to be invisible anymore. He liked men, he was different. So what?

His grandmother was kind, thoughtful, and never judged him. Her green eyes always managed to calm him down, to ground him from his anxiety attacks. She gave him books, privacy, love. She gave him hope of finding someone to love him back just as equally. 

Rin still visited, and was eighteen himself when he got his first tattoo. The same day, he asked Haru to pierce his ears. Even Gou shyly asked him to pierce her's. His grandmother asked him too, but he refused. She was perfect, she didn't need them. 

At twenty years of age, Haruka Nanase was finally ordinary. He could breathe. He hadn't pierced his body in years and it was enough. His parents had only contacted him once, on his birthday the year he left. He didn't answer and they never called again. 

At twenty-one years of age, Haruka Nanase was alone. His grandmother had died, leaving him, leaving behind an apartment full of books and memories. The next day he got a tongue piercing, his most painful one yet. 

His parents called for the first time in three years. They asked him if he was still in his phase. They asked him why he didn't talk to anyone. They told him to calm down. 

At twenty-two years of age, Haruka Nanase began to swim again. The effect of the water was amazing. His piercings were a reminder, a reason. Swimming was an escape, a blanket, an opinion-less, quiet existence. 

Rin only got Haru to smile when he offered to swim with him. Gou was in school, and Haru tried to remember the color of her eyes. He missed her. He almost asked Rin, but when he opened his mouth, feeling his lip ring and tongue piercing, he snapped it shut. Right, a reminder. A reason. 

"Don't do that," Rin snapped at him, and held his hands. "You can talk to me. I don't give a fuck if you stutter. You're you and that's enough. You've done nothing wrong." 

For the first time in a year, Haru willingly spoke. 

He was getting better. He had Rin. He had an apartment, full of happy memories. It was a sanctuary, a place he could rest, recharge, and convince himself that the world really wasn't out to break him. Books were a nice, soothing balm. They were a universe of stories, of better places, of kind people, of heroes. They were made of words and Haru loved them. 

At twenty-three years old, Haruka Nanase picked up his grandmother's copy of  _A Tale of Two Cities_ and remember that Dickens was always her favorite. His stories were of different people, of different times, of hard work and love. Smiling, he cracked open the worn spine, feeling so relaxed and at home that he let Rin drag him away to a small cafe. 

For the first time in seven years, Haruka Nanase had a crush. Makoto Tachibana was genuine. Makoto Tachibana was responsible. Makoto Tachibana had green eyes. He easily felt lost in the sea of green, mind rushing back to the days his grandmother would read to him. Her green eyes would always twinkle as she read, like her imagination was visible through her eyes. Makoto was the same way. 

He was passionate. He was thoughtful. He was  _different_. 

When Makoto remembered Haru the night they bumped into each other, he couldn't believe it. He was easily forgotten, overlooked. He didn't exist to others. 

Trying to remember that feeling, he went back to the cafe the next day. He let out a nervous breath, only seeing Nagisa at the register. He walked up anyway, Nagisa already spotting him. 

When Makoto walked out of the kitchen, his heart lept. His green eyes lit up in recognition and the wonderful feeling of just  _existing_ swirled through him. He failed to order what he wanted, but honestly, he couldn't bring himself to care much. He was talking to Makoto, and Makoto was talking back. 

"It didn't seem right to name her without you somehow." An unfamiliar feeling rose up, threatening to drive his heart out of its cage. He felt... satisfied. He felt warm. He felt like he mattered for once. And that scared him. 

He left without saying goodbye. 

For a long time, refused to go back. He sought safety in  _A Tale of Two Cities_ , but the reminder of Makoto was driving him crazy. Maybe Makoto would forgive him. Maybe he didn't hate him. If Makoto was like his grandmother, he wouldn't be judged for leaving. 

Makoto didn't hate him. He let him borrow a book. He made him a latte that reminded him of the kitten they had saved. The feeling of existing was back and he wasn't scared anymore. He felt better. He was healing, Makoto's smile and general  _existence_ soothing him. 

Makoto asked for his number. He was soaring, he was so happy. When Makoto blushed and quickly returned to the register, Haru knew he was in trouble. 

That day he fell for him. 

He didn't crack open the Austen book. 

Haru slaved over thinking of a name for the kitten. She was a distraction. She was an idea. She something that connected him and Makoto. He was looking through his stacks of books when he spotted  _The Odyssey._ He thought of Makoto's eyes. The kitten had bright eyes too. 

**What about Athena? Her eyes remind me of the description of Athena in The Odyssey.**

He waited, nervous. He had flirted with Makoto earlier. Was he taking too many liberties? Did Makoto think he was too clingy? Too pushy?

**That's perfect!!!!!!!!! Are you always this amazing?**

He couldn't breathe. 

Haru typed out a response, deleted it, typed another one out, and deleted it again. Should he ignore the question? It was rhetorical right? Would Makoto think he's a snob for ignoring it? Would he judge him if he answered? 

He swallowed and looked at the two books in his bag.  _A Tale of Two Cities_ was pushed against  _Northanger Abbey_. No. Makoto was different. 

**Yes.**

Months passed. Slowly, he fell deeper into the storm that was Makoto Tachibana. He loved  _Northanger Abbey._  He loved being able to enjoy reading and sharing that love with someone else. He loved coming into the cafe, drinking a warm latte with adorable art. Makoto tried to make it perfect for Haru, but he was content with imperfection. The quirks were cute. They were different. 

The pool incident had reduced his progress, pulling him to a complete stop. But Makoto had been there anyway, guiding him at whatever pace he chose, forward. 

He spent time with Athena, remembering the connection. As annoying as she was, he loved it. 

He fought with Rin. He broke. Rin fixed him anyway. 

Makoto asked for his advice. Taking a deep breath, he answered honestly. Then he told him about speech therapy. Makoto supported him and Haru knew for sure he loved him.

Finally, he gave Makoto a book to read. He agonized over which one. Makoto liked Dickens, but he probably had read them all. Austen, maybe? No, he wanted to do something different. Vaguely, Haru recalled that his grandmother would read him _The Hobbit_ when he was sad. The adventures, silliness, courage, and impossible tasks calmed him. Things never seemed possible until they were done, she'd tell him. So he picked up the Tolkien book and hoped Makoto understood the value. 

But Makoto was Makoto, he reminded himself. Of course he would. 

Speech therapy didn't help. If anything, it pushed him back. Why? Why couldn't he get better? Why was he so different? He was ordinary, wasn't he? 

He broke again and Rin couldn't fix him. Not this time. His pieces wouldn't fit in his hands. 

Makoto put him back together despite the mess. 

"It's okay to cry, Haru. You didn't do anything wrong." 

He let out a breath, burning with affection for the man holding him. 

"You know, you one of the bravest people I know." Haru couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I don't think I'd be able to do what you do. You're so amazing, sometimes I wonder..." What? Why did he pause? Makoto couldn't do something Haru could? No way, that was impossible. "How do you do it? I'd have given up." 

Haru held his hand and spoke the truth, voice shaking. 

More time passed. Makoto still hadn't judged him. He had no presuppositions. The fresh relief felt like he was swimming, similar to the release he felt when he had pierced his body. But this pain was the good kind. He just couldn't tell Makoto. He didn't deserve him. 

Weeks came and News Years was there, but suddenly left. Haru couldn't remember much from a time that he didn't know Makoto. He remembered the pain, the feeling, his piercings a reminder. But that wasn't important anymore. Makoto was here, now. His ignorant classmates weren't. 

Building up his courage, he took Makoto swimming. He wanted to thank him, to share with Makoto something he loved. He didn't expect to kiss him, to hold him, to nearly die of overwhelming love. He didn't expect to get a boyfriend. 

But he did. He couldn't regret it. He was the happiest he'd been in... ever. 

Of course, since he'd reached his peak, the only way left to go was down. His parents contacted him. Seven years they had left him alone. Why now? The world must have been waiting to break him again, and this time permanently. 

"I love you," Makoto said that night. "So much." 

Haru was terrified, relieved, and prayed he could tell Makoto. He had refused to acknowledge the brewing love within him. He knew it was there, but he chose to ignore it, to believe it wasn't there. Now it was out, vulnerable, bear, and ready to be equally loved back. Just like his grandmother had promised. 

"I-I love yyy--" He stuttered, but for the first time in eight years, he didn't care. "--you t-t-too." 

Their dates were perfect, weird, and accurately protrayed who they were. Baking, cleaning, sleeping, getting soaked by dolphins, being with their friends. 

They were different. His parents would just have to get over it. He wasn't letting Makoto go, no matter what. But that didn't mean he didn't feel scared. He tried to hold back his tears and remember his grandmother's soothing words before she died. 

"Don't cry." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people have sent me private messages saying they loved 'Your Protector', saying that the story helped them. A few said just seeing an update gave them something to look forward to. Others said that they could relate to the characters and that gave them hope. I am honestly floored, shocked, and so grateful. Every single one of you readers are amazing, beautiful people. I suffer from social anxiety and just writing this has helped me immensely. Your kind words, comments, and messages have truly helped me. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love every single of you readers and hope you know that you exist, that you have people that love you, and it will get better. 
> 
> I also highly recommend reading Dostoevsky. He's a difficult read, but damn. It's worth every confusing second. :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes I've believed as much as six impossible things before breakfast." -Alice in Wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your feedback was amazing and inspiring. Seriously, you guys are my favorite. If you EVER need anything or need/want to talk, please send me a message. And the quote is from the newest AIW movie (it's wonderful).

Seeing Makoto's pale face brought up the old itch. Haru desperately tried to remember if he had any safety pins in his apartment. Did he keep his grandmother's sowing kit? Maybe there was something else that would work. A brow piercing? A nose? He'd never tried that before. Haru ran into his bedroom and checked his bedside table drawer. Nothing. He checked his bathroom next and found a pair of scissors. No, that wouldn't do anything. He shakily slammed them on the counter, not hearing Makoto's worried words. 

The kitchen probably had something that could work. He lunged under counters, in drawers, spilling cutlery and pens. A pen? Maybe if he pressed hard enough. Was there still room on his ears? As he brought the pen up to his ear, a hand caught his wrist, spinning him. 

"Haru!" Makoto shouted and Haru flinched. He dropped the pen and his chest heaved. "Haru, what's wrong? Haru, please!" 

Eyes wide, wet, and obviously terrified, Haru waited for Makoto to grab his chin and inspect his ears. He waited for the dreaded question, 'is this a cry for attention?'. 

"Haru, please," His voice was gentle, soothing, and he held his boyfriend's hands. "Breathe with me. Come back to me. I love you, please, breathe." 

Finally, Haru's shoulders inched down and slumped, lips trembling. His eyes were blinking rapidly to keep in a flood. Unconsciously, he leaned forward. Without hesitating, Makoto drew him into his arms, placing his cheek on Haru's head. 

For a long time, Haru's heart beat resembled a hummingbird's. Restless, constant, small, fragile. Makoto rubbed his back, remembering that whenever he had been upset as a child, his mother would rub circles along his spine. With a big, final exhale, Haru pulled back, but didn't separate completely. He figured if he did, he'd end up on the floor, unable to stand ever again. 

"S-S-S-S-Sorryyy," He stuttered, completely aware of how he broke the word to pieces. Makoto only shook his head. "A-A-Anxiety aaaattack." 

Makoto grabbed his chin and Haru seized up. Unable to move, Haru let Makoto guide him closer and kiss his forehead. He melted in an instant. Makoto was incredible. He was so broad and big, but he was capable of  _forehead kisses_ of all things. 

"It's okay," Makoto told him, "I won't leave you. No matter what, I'll never leave you." The silent promise was heavy, but exactly what he needed to hear. He slumped forward, letting Makoto cradle him gently. 

"I-I don't kkknow what t-to d-d-do." Haru admitted, "I h-haven't sssseen them for s-seven years." 

Makoto hugged him tighter. 

"I'll be with you the whole time." Makoto promised, running a hand through Haru's hair, down his neck, to rest on his shoulder. "I'll protect you." 

-

Makoto promised to stay with Haru, so they left to grab Athena and a bag of necessities for him. For the first few days, they didn't talk about the eminent visit. They had seven days to be together and be happy, so that's what they did. They baked. They cleaned. They played with Athena. Makoto talked about Dickens while Haru worked on reading aloud. Happy with her small family, Athena made herself at home, eager to explore. 

Within three days, Makoto finished his homework and thesis outline. Nagisa gave him the week off and promised to bring by some goodies. Rei even offered to bring by anything, but they declined. Walking to the grocery was an adventure, and a welcome distraction. Because Makoto couldn't cook much, Haru offered to be chef for the week. They cooked pizzas from scratch, grabbed pints of ice creams to share, and rented a movie. Honestly, Haru was so content, the itch was long forgotten. 

Athena greeted them at the door each time, ready to rub their ankles and sniff the bags they brought home. 

Three more days passed. While their tea seeped, they cuddled on the couch, and relaxed. No to be left out, Athena jumped up and settled on their laps equally. Makoto complained because he got the butt. 

"This is what I want." Makoto said, arm around Haru's shoulder. Haru looked up, waiting, "Just the three of us, cooking together, reading together... just always together."

Cheeks and belly warm, Haru hummed in agreement. Makoto kissed him and revelled in the fact that Haru's lip ring was gone. 

When Haru pulled away, his face was serious. 

"T-Tomorrow," He said and Makoto didn't need any help to figure out what he was talking about. He was just surprised Haru had brought the subject up first. "Y-You don't have to aaaanswer anything y-y-you don't want ttto." 

Makoto nodded, "I won't. And you don't either. You don't owe them anything." 

"I-I'm scared." He wasn't shaking, but he was pale. A small improvement, but one Makoto wasn't entirely happy about. "T-T-They ignored me," He began and cuddled closer, "Judged m-me, told me l-liking bbboys was just a phase. T-They never oooonce asked me i-if I was okay." 

Heart aching and thumping, Makoto squeezed his shoulder. "I'm so angry. You're so amazing, how could they not see that?" 

Haru didn't feel amazing. 

"I'm just ordinary." He replied. Makoto moved, making Haru look to him. 

"You are. But I was reading G.K. Chesterton the other day and something stuck with me. He said, 'Ordinary things are more valuable than extraordinary things; nay, they are more extra _ordinary_.' And you certainly are." 

-

The cafe was surprisingly busy, each table taken and crowded. Nagisa was working the counter with Gou, who kept glancing at Haru's parents. She looked like she wanted to give them a serious lecture and Makoto almost wished she would. The silence was broaching unbareable, awkward long passed. 

Haru sat across from his parents, fingers around his usual latte. He expected his heart to pound, his head to hurt, his stomach to roll. Maybe even the itch to resurface. But nothing happened. Makoto sat next to him, calm. He was nervous, but cautious. The moment they stepped through the door, Makoto knew immediately he didn't like them. 

Haru's mother wore a familiar pencil skirt, heels, and a business air to her that made Makoto want to make a mess, to see if she'd budge an inch from her high horse. His father was more lax, but his severe face was disappointing. He looked tired, aged, and being married to such a ruler of a woman, Makoto couldn't blame him. The family resemblance was there, but not quite. Haru had his mother's hair and attractive features, but he had been blessed with his father's unqiue, thoughtful eyes. 

Makoto took a moment to appreciate his own parents. He almost wished they were here with a handbook titled 'How to Properly Raise and Love Your Child' and maybe the brochure of 'How NOT to Be Biggots'. So instead, he imagined his mother giving them the lecture of their lives. He'd pay to see that. 

"So, Makoto," Mr. Nanase finally breached the silence, "You work here?"

He nodded, "I do and have for the past year, almost. It's close to home and campus." 

Mrs. Nanase didn't look impressed, but she didn't speak, nursing a plain black drip. 

"Oh, so you're in school." Mr. Nanase went on, tired eyes looking genuinely interested, which surprised Makoto. "What is your major?" 

"Classical literature, with a minor in business." Haru tensed for a second. He hadn't known that. Makoto grabbed his hand and squeezed, a silent apology. 

"What on earth do you expect to do with that?" Mrs. Nanase cut in, eyebrows raised. Makoto felt like he was being scolded for saying a wrong answer. 

"It's something I'm passionate about, and I want to grow in it." He challenged her, giving her a firm answer. "I'll probably keep working here until doors open up." 

Mrs. Nanase gave a quiet snort, looking away and took another sip of her coffee. Makoto guessed she hadn't meant for him to notice her reaction, as she kept silent and superior. Mr. Nanase shot her a quick glance before turning to Haru. 

"Haruka," Haru straightened in his seat, holding onto Makoto's hand tighter. "What about you?"

"I-I-I don't know." He stuttered, on edge, waiting for the insults. 

"You can't sit on your grandmother's money forever, Haruka." Mrs. Nanase snapped, "You need to go to school, get a job, and stop being so dramatic." 

"Haru's perfect the way he is," Makoto cut in, angry, "He doesn't need to do anything. He's happy with what he does now." 

Mrs. Nanase crossed her legs and leaned forward, ignoring Makoto's outburst. Mr. Nanase took a deep breath. 

"Haruka, you need to start acting like an ad--"

"I want to s-start writing." Haru said, silencing his parents. "A-A-And you lllost the right t-to tell me wwwhat to do s-s-seven years ago." 

Mrs. Nanase frowned, face turning an ugly color. But she didn't say anything, instead just crossing her arms. Makoto had no idea Haru wanted to become a writer, but he didn't say anything. Haru needed to him to be a steady presence, not a questioning one. Mr. Nanase, however, shifted in his seat. 

"A writer?" He broke the rising tension, either ignoring or accepting Haru's rebuke, they didn't know. "Your grandmother always said you'd be a wonderful writer."

Holding his head higher, Haru didn't say anything. 

His grandmother said that? To them? When did she talk to them, about him? He felt his heart pinch at the thought, uncomfortable. 

Mr. Nanase cleared his throat and looked to his wife, eyes meaningful. She gave him a withering look before looking back at her son. 

"Haruka, we've always loved you." Haru held back his angry retort, "But we don't approve of your... choices." She looked at Makoto and then back. 

"I-If you're just hhhhere to insult," He paused, throat thightening, "Insult me, lllleave." 

"Haruka, please." Mrs. Nanase sighed, "I'm sorry. I just haven't seen you in years."

"Y-Y-Y-You kicked mmme out." He reminded them and Mr. Nanase looked away. His wife simply nodded. 

"We thought you'd get over this gay thing," She waved a hand at Makoto's general direction and he frowned deeply in return. "That you'd grow up, but I guess not." 

Mr. Nanase exhaled and crossed his legs. Makoto watched them twitch uncomfortably in their seats and just wished they'd leave. Haru was shaking slightly, so he cupped his hand in his lap gently. Mrs. Nanase watched the movement with distaste. 

"Are you happy, at least?" Mr. Nanase said, sounding exhausted. 

"Happier than I-I-I've ever bbbeen."

Mrs. Nanase sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

Haru tensed, remembering those words the night he first pierced his ear. Makoto, unhappy, caressed Haru's hands. 

"I don't know what you thought you'd accomplish," Makoto began, anger rising, "When you contacted him after about 7 years. But he's an adult now, so butt out of his life." 

"We're your parents," Mrs. Nanase again ignored Makoto's words. "Haruka, we were worried."

"I'm f-fine. Leave me aaaalone." 

-

When Rin heard the news of Haru's parents visiting, he nearly threw a chair out of Haru's window. Nitori managed to coax him into setting the chair down and in exchange, throw pillows at the wall. 

"I don't fucking believe it," He snarled, throwing the third pillow, "Fucking idiots, I could just--" The fourth pillow didn't make much of a sound, so he threw a stray shoe too. 

"Rin, stop it." Nitori grabbed his wrist, giving Haru an apologetic look. "You'll clean that scuff mark off the wall." 

He didn't care, he just threw another pillow. 

Haru just sat at his kitchen table, watching his best friend torture his wall with pillows. If he wasn't so conflicted, he'd probably be laughing at the ridiculous situation. Makoto was next to him, silent as he considered helping Nitori calm down his boyfriend.

"I'm fine," He assured Rin, "I-I-I told them tttto leave m-me alone."

Rin paused mid-throw and turned towards Haru like he was going to throw the pillow at him. Haru flinched at his expression.

"And you think they will? How the fuck are you so calm? They basically told you they hated you again." Rin said, grip tightening on the fabric. "And ignored him." He pointed to Makoto, who raised his hands in surrender. 

"I-I don't kkknow." He answered, not exactly sure how he was so calm. "M-Maybe now that they ssssee me happy, t-they'll give up." 

Rin snorted and turned, throwing the pillow at the wall again. 

"Yeah, let's hope." 

"Rin, please." Nitori tried again and the redhead finally listened. He threw the last pillow and sunk into the couch. Athena scrambled out of the way, offended. "Maybe Haru needed to talk to his parents," He looked at Haru, who felt nervous now, "Maybe talking to them put to rest somethings." 

Haru pondered his words. He felt complete, no longer empty. The itch, which was always floating in the back of his mind, was gone. His heart was a steady beat, strong, and constant. His mind wasn't consumed with negative thoughts. Maybe Nitori was right, maybe because he told his parents, finally, to leave him alone, he had healed a part of himself. He smiled into his hand, relief pouring off him in waves. 

Makoto squeezed his hand and matched his grin. 

"I think because you stood up for yourself and realized just how amazing you are," He was blushing a little at Haru's fond look and Rin's judging expression, "That you're finally... ordinary." 

He _was_ ordinary, he was different, he was fine without his parent's hateful words and thoughts. He wasn't alone, he wasn't forgotten. He existed and for once, he was glad. 

"Or maybe you just needed to tell them to shove it," Rin cut in, looking smug. Nitori rolled his eyes. "Man, I would have paid to their faces when you said it. And maybe knock them into next week, I'd love to do that." 

"How have you never been arrested?" Makoto blurted. Nitori burst out laughing, nodding his head. 

"I've always wondered that," Nitori said, still holding his sides. "With that temper?" Rin shot him a look and Nitori hastily added, "It must be the pretty face." 

"Nice save," Haru put in, still smiling behind his hand. "H-He loves his ffface." 

Rin glared at his best friend, like he'd been betrayed as Nitori kept on laughing. Makoto joined in. 

"Yeah, yeah, keep insulting me, it's hilarious." Rin muttered and stood up, "How's dinner and a movie sound? You know, when you're all done being assholes." 

-

Makoto and Haru walked hand-in-hand from the movie, parting ways with Rin and Nitori. They waited until the couple was out of sight before beginning their journey home. 

"What did you think?" Makoto asked, looking down.  

Haru shrugged, "Not mmmuch to like, d-didn't follow the book a-at all."

Laughing at his boyfriend's sour face, Makoto brought his gloved hand up to his lips and kissed it. Haru's cheeks heated up, belly suddenly full of butterflies at the gesture. 

"True, the book was much better." He said, not noticing Haru's embarrassment. "So, you think Athena has woken up the neighbors yet?" 

"P-Probably." Haru walked closer, bumming their shoulders together. He smacked his lips together and glanced at Makoto. 

"What?" 

"U-um," Haru fumbled, feeling hotter in his borrow scarf. "W-When are yyyou going back h-home?" 

Makoto was silent, biting his bottom lip. He honestly forgot they weren't living together. For a week, they had been sleeping in the same bed, eating in the same kitchen, and using the same toothpaste. He felt so happy, he forgot the original reason for why they'd done it. 

"I don't know," He finally answered, "I go back to work tomorrow, so maybe after then. Or, you know, whenever you want to kic--want me to leave." 

Haru looked away and frowned. He didn't want Makoto to leave. He'd grown to love their routine, the company, even Athena's annoying demands. But Makoto had a job, an apartment, school, and a whole other side of life that didn't include him. 

"But," Makoto cut in, noticing Haru's shoulders tense up in the silence, "I can stay as long as you want. Or you could switch to my place sometimes. Just whatever you want, I'll make you a key when I have time." 

"Y-Y-You too," Haru said, pulling them to a stop at the park in front of his house. "I'll g-get you a key." 

Makoto smiled warmly and looked around them. 

"Oh, the park. Do you remember when I came over and asked you to just talk?" Haru nodded, eyeing the swing he had sat in. "I was so nervous. I knew I loved you, but I couldn't tell you. There were so many times I almost did." He laughed, blushing. "I maybe have also dropped in a hint." 

Haru remembered. Makoto had told him that he was just waiting for the right 'guy'. It was that moment when he felt true hope spark. He smiled a little at the memory. 

"Yes," He grabbed Makoto's hand and pulled them to the spot they had the conversation. "I-I remember tttthinking about it. Y-You said you wwwwere waiting for tt-the right guy. I was so hhhhappy, I didn't e-e-even listen to you tttalk about R-Rei." 

Makoto sat in the mulch while Haru took the swing again. He scooted closer, resting his forearms and head on his lap, smiling up at him. 

"I'm so glad I said it then." Makoto said, trying to ignore the cold ground beneath him. "I've loved you for a long time, Haru. Probably ever since I first saw you in the cafe." 

Definitely about to melt into a puddle, Haru looked away. His cheeks felt so hot, he could probably fry an egg on them. He imagined Rin doing it, laughing at his dumb expression. 

"Every day I'd come into work, wondering if you'd be there. I practiced latte art after every shift if I didn't have homework. Nagisa taught me how to make a cat," He mumbled a quick 'sort of' before laughing, "And just seeing your eyes light up whenever I gave it to you... it made my week." 

Haru was on the verge of breaking and kissing his boyfriend senseless. His brain was shutting down, too embarrassed and quickly overheating. 

"I'm so thankful Rin made me bring your drinks to the table." He breathed out. "I was so nervous. Then I saw you reading Dickens and knew for sure you were definitely special." 

"I-I thought I was oooordinary." He chimed, throwing him an exasperated look. 

Makoto returned with a stink eye, "You know what I mean." Haru nodded and gripped the swing's chains. 

"And I k-k-knew you were ttttthe one when y-you said you llloved Dickens." He rested his head on the chain, watching Makoto blush, "M-My grandmother llloved him."

Standing up, Makoto sat in the swing next to him, leaning over. 

"Well, then it must have been fate." He said, leaning closer. Haru inched closer as well, heart pounding. 

"M-Must have." 

Their lips met and for a long time, they didn't pull away. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice something? Take a look at the chapters. 19/21? What? Cotton, you cray. Yep. I am. I'm writing an epilogue because everyone was so sad it was ending so soon. Also, my updating will be sporadic. I'm busy with my huge SNK fic, so YP is taking a backseat (maybe, maybe not, who knows). 
> 
> AND, if YP gets more than 500 kudos, I'll probably write a short sequel when I finish my other stories. But I have to know if you really want it, or I won't do it. 
> 
> Also, I wrote this chapter over like five times. I'm still not happy with it. Sorry for the late update! (I almost deleted this entire story... I hit DELETE WORK instead of ENTIRE WORK and had a heart attack jesus christ)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You must know... surely you must know it was all for you." -Mr. Darcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had requests for cotton candy fluff so... yeah, prepare yourselves.

Standing alone in the bathroom, Haru watched his reflection flush and tremble. This needed to happen, or else nothing would change. He had to move forward. Taking a deep breath, Haru took out his piercings. He placed each spike from his ear on the bathroom counter, shaking slightly. He could do this. There wasn't a need anymore, and he didn't want to remember. He had to let it go. 

"Haru, I made you some coffee," Makoto poked his head in the bathroom, smiling. "Let me know when you're finished." He gave Haru an encouraging nod and left. 

He needed to do this alone. As much as he wanted Makoto to help him, it felt wrong. He pierced his ears. He should remove them. 

When the final spike was removed, he exhaled and felt a heavy weight lift off his shoulders. The holes were still there, but the lack of something in them was... amazing. They wouldn't heal, the marks would still be visible, but he could live without them. And that was enough. Cupping the accessories in one hand, he put them with his lip rings, in a drawer nearest the closet. The lip rings were already collecting dust, sitting alone and worn.

His tongue ring however, he wasn't quite ready to let go of. The reminder wasn't a bad one, just heavy weight to tell him of the loss he felt without his grandmother. The ring was comforting in a way, tied to the best memories of his life. Maybe he'd keep this one. 

"Makoto," Haru walked out of the bathroom and presented his piercing-less face. "What d-do you think?" 

Makoto turned around slowly, busy with making sure Athena didn't get into the pantry. He juggled two cups of coffee and when he rested his eyes on Haru, he paused. His eyes widened. 

"Oh," He said and put down the mugs carefully, forgetting his cat. "Wow. You look so much... happier." 

Haru relaxed his shoulders and brushed his hair over his ears. He felt better when the holes weren't too visible. 

"I feel hhhhappier." He shrugged, and walked into Makoto's open arms. His boyfriend kissed his head, pulled back and made to kiss his ears. Blushing scarlet, Haru made a noise of protest. 

"Let me," Makoto laughed, kissing the covered ears before moving to his lips. He smiled against them. "I like this. I can kiss you better." 

Haru couldn't help the snort that rose up, startling Makoto away. 

"S-Sorry," He apologized, and titled his head, "You're so weird." 

Makoto copied his shrug and head tilt, "It's true though. I can feel all of you. It's nice." 

He turned away finally and gripped the mugs again, only noticing Athena's tail peeking out of the pantry door. 

"Hey, come on Athena!" He bumped her back and she jumped violently, tearing away from the door. She ran into the bedroom. "Honestly, she's such a trouble maker." 

Haru laughed a little, amused. He accepted the offered cup of coffee and savored the energy he could feel trickle down his throat. 

"Do you want to g-go swimming ttttoday?" He asked, watching as Makoto practically chugged down his own coffee. 

"Oh, sure," His cheeks were steadily growing more red. "We didn't accomplish much last time." 

His own cheeks heating up, Haru took another sip and looked away. 

-

"No, Nagisa." 

"Aw, come one. I already bought them." 

"You'll get arrested." 

Nagisa rolled his eyes, "You're exaggerating. They can't arrest me." 

Makoto crossed his arms, his disappointed 'mom face' on display. "Nagisa, it's not a good idea. Where in the world did you get fireworks anyway? It's February!" 

Twirling his keys on his finger, Nagisa smirked. Rei looked like he wanted to smack his boyfriend upside the head, he was rolling his eyes so hard. 

"I know a guy." 

Watching the two bicker, Haru stayed behind with Rin and Nitori. Even though the couple was holding hands and talking amongst themselves, Haru didn't feel excluded. They would sometimes look at him to resolve an argument and he'd always side with Nitori, even though he didn't know what they were arguing about. Rin would look mad, but then Nitori would distract him, either by squeezing his hand affectionately or kissing his cheek (on his tippy-toes). 

Just enjoying the normalcy, Haru kept on walking. They were walking to the park, on the other side of campus and Haru's apartment. Apparently Nagisa found a cliff that had a beautiful view at night. He offered to bring refreshments and only had just told Makoto he brought fireworks. Kind of excited, Haru didn't aid his boyfriend when he looked for help on the matter. 

"Here we are!" Nagisa announced, ignoring Makoto's still disappointed and worried looks. "See, isn't it amazing?" 

The view was of a steep hill, wooded and wild. Street lamps just far away enough for the stars to really shine bright. There were no clouds, and for a spring night, the air was just right. Haru took a deep breath and then exhaled, content. 

"Oh shoot, I forgot matches." Nagisa grinned sheepishly and ducked when Rin made to hit him.

"The fuck, Nagisa, you forgot the most important thing." 

"Sorry, sorry!" He held up his hands in surrender and hid behind Rei, who looked torn between amused and annoyed. "Rei-chan and I can run to the store to grab some. There's a convience store just around the block."

Rin let out an annoyed huff and crossed his arms.

"Well get to it!" He snapped. Nitori slapped him on the arm. 

"We'll get drinks," Nitori said, tone brooking no argument. "You only brought snacks. Come on, Rin." 

Rin and Nitori left in the opposite direction as Nagis and Rei, Rin arguing loudly on the way. Haru watched his friends separate, wondering how in the world they had functioned before they met their partners. 

"Do you think Nagisa would notice if I  _accidentally_ kicked the bag of fireworks down the cliff?" Makoto said, eyes impish. 

Haru crossed his arms, much like Rin, and frowned. He was quite amused, but honestly, he really wanted to see fireworks. 

"It'll b-be fine." He assured, walking to stand closer to him. "Nobody lives outtttt h-here." 

Makoto huffed and pulled Haru close, rested his chin on his shoulder. "Okay, fine." 

Chuckling, Haru rested his head on Makoto's. He waited for the familiar pinch of his piercings to dig into his head, but the feeling never came. Then he remembered and smiled. 

"What?" Makoto asked, edging his head to the side to watch Haru's face. 

"I'm just happy." He turned so he was facing his boyfriend, looking up. "T-Thank you."

Makoto tilted his head to the side, confused. "For what?" 

"Everything," Haru answered, looking to the stars. "I-I'm lucky tttto have you." 

Blushing, Makoto let out a nervous chuckle. 

"I'm the lucky one," He said, gaining Haru's full attention, "One of these days you're going to realize how amazing you are, Haru-chan." 

Eye twitching, Haru frowned, trying not to smile. 

"Lay off the chan." He didn't stutter and Makoto laughed. 

"Okay." Makoto leaned forward and grabbed a kiss. Letting the incident slip, Haru pressed back, eager. He loved it when Makoto kissed him. 

-

"What do we do, Rei-chan?" Nagisa whispered, bending his knees to stay hidden behind a clump of bushes. He peeked over the brush and watched as Makoto and Haru kissed. He ducked back down, ear's burning. 

"H-How should I know?" Rei hissed back, pushing up his glasses. His stomach was tumbling, the image of his two friends making out forever engrained in his mind. He jumped violently when Nagisa grabbed his hand, looking nervous. He smiled shyly.

-

"What the actual fuck?" Rin said, watching his friends all kiss. 

Rei and Nagisa were still hiding behind the bushes, faces glued together despite how red they both were. Haru and Makoto were also still kissing, Makoto's hands circled around his boyfriend's back. Rin watched them inch closer and closer downwards. 

"I swear to God, if he touches--" He was pulled to the side, his voice hushed. 

Notori was crouched down, despite being behind a building to shield them from their friend's vision. His face was red and he looked mortified. Rin was desparately trying not to show how flustered he was, but it was always a losing battle. 

"We can't interrupt!" Nitori whispered feverishly. He was shaking his head back and forth, trying to emphasize his point. Rin tried to follow his face, but ended up incredibly dizzy. The situation was too embarrassing. 

"Okay, I won't interrupt." He hissed and grabbed his boyfriend's shoulders. Nitori stopped, chest heaving slightly. He looked like he was caught red-handed for stealing. "Let me just look and see if they're... done." 

Nitori looked panicked, but let Rin lean over the corner of the building. 

Nagisa and Rei had pulled apart, both looking red. Even Makoto and Haru had pulled away, now commenting on the stars. Rin rolled his eyes and pulled Nitori with him. 

"Hey you two," He said, making Rei and Nagisa jump up. They looked guilty, though Nagisa was smiling widely. "Did you get matches?" 

Nitori let out a breath, glad Rin hadn't called them out on spying or kissing. He grabbed his swinging hand and gave it a squeeze, which the redhead returned, glancing at him only to smirk. Nitori huffed playfully and elbowed him in the side. 

"Y-Yes," Rei answered, and looked over his shoulder to Makoto and Haru. They still hadn't noticed everyone was back. "Drinks, um, did you collect drinks?" 

Rin held up the plastic bag and nodded. 

"Hey!" He yelled and Makoto twirled around surprised. "We got the stuff, you kids ready?" 

"Oh yeah," Makoto waved them over, an arm still around Haru's waist. "That didn't take long."

Rin didn't give him a reason, simply looked at the arm around his best friend before looking to the bag of fireworks. Nitori squeezed his hand for not commenting.

"We got a couple of boxes," Nagisa chimed in, holding up his plastic bag, taking it from Rei. "Just in case. I bought a lot of fireworks."  

 Still unsettled about the idea, Makoto huffed. Haru knocked his head on his shoulder, silently encouraging him. Nitori handed out drinks while Rin supervised Nagisa on the edge of the cliff, sticking the first firework in the ground. Rei had a fist full of the blond's shirt, whether he was worried he'd slip or go up with the firework, Haru could only guess. He supposed both were plausible for Nagisa. 

Striking the first match, the end caught fire, sparks igniting. Rei pulled a laughing Nagisa out of the way while Rin danced out of the way of the sparks. 

The bottle rocket shot up into the sky, a loud screech echoing. It exploded, colors decorating the sky. Nagisa's mouth was hanging open as he watched, so Rei closed it for him to spare him from swallowing burnt paper raining over them. 

Makoto jerked Haru's hand in the explosion, looking side to side to see if anyone would come yelling at them. 

"Whoa!" Nitori let out a giggle, holding out a hand for Rin as he walked back disgruntled and slightly burnt from the spark. 

"Another!" Nagisa yelled and put three bottle rockets in the ground. 

"Nagisa, that's too many!" Makoto yelled, surging forward. However, Nagisa already had a match lit and the sparks caught. The screeching fireworks drowned out the rest of Makoto's warnings. 

-

"Never. Again." Rin had his hands around his cup of coffee, leaning over the cafe counter.

"It wasn't that bad," Nitori chided, throwing together a peppermint mocha for himself, despite the lack of a holiday menu. "Makoto managed to put the fire out with our water bottles."

Rin swivled his head towards his boyfriend, eyebrows up and face unamused.

"He caught the _grass on fire_. How does that even work? It wasn't even that dry!" 

Nitori rolled his eyes at Rin's dramaticisms and finished his mocha with a dash of shaved chocolate on top of the whipped cream. He was aching to try it.

"Come on, it's my break now. Ring me up, Gou?" Nitori turned to his coworker, still unsure how to act around her. He was dating her brother, but she just smiled and accepted his card. "I have thirty minutes." He reminded Rin, who nodded and led the way out of the shop. Gou waved them out.

"Do you remember when we first met, or well, within the first few weeks of meeting, suggesting that we all go to the beach for spring break?" Rin asked, sipping his already cold coffee. He frowned at the cup, not noticing Nitori's fond smile. 

"Yeah," He switched him drinks, "Take a sip, it's good. Why do you ask?" 

Rin shrugged, taking a drink of the sweet mocha and grimaced. It was really good and he didn't want to give it back. Nitori threw his cold coffee away on a nearby trash can as they continued to walk. 

"Um, well, my mom lives in Iwatobi, on the coast. I know Makoto is going back too, for the summer, and he'll probably invite Haru along. So, did you maybe, um," He took another sip, "Want to come with me? It'd, uh, just be us." 

Flushing, Rin didn't look down to see his boyfriend's reaction. He was a bit nervous. They'd been alone more times than he could count, but there was something about sharing  _home_ that seeemed so intimate. 

"I'd love to!" Nitori took his drink back, watching Rin's eyes follow it's decent. "I'd have to ask off early though." 

Rin dared to look at him, stopping under an awning of an abandoned shop. Nitori was also a bit flushed, but his eyes were filled with genuine excitement. Forgetting his previous nervousness, he swept down for a quick kiss. Nitori eeped at the suddeness, tongue touching Rin's lips. He jerked back and licked them, watching Nitori swallow. 

"Peppermint," He hummed and licked them again, before leaning down once more. "I like it." 

-

"I finished my thesis!" Makoto said, dancing around Gou as she tried to get by with a frappucino. 

Haru had just walked in the door, and stopped, surprised as Makoto yelled the news. Many costumers that knew him clapped and offered their smiles in congratulations. Others shot him unsteady looks before returning to their laptops. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I just couldn't wait to tell you in person." He offered, gesturing for his boyfriend to sit in his usual seat at the counter. Haru oblidged slowly, cheeks pink at the attention. 

"It's o-okay." Haru assured, willing his heart to calm down. He was still unused to crowds and attention. "When did yyyyou finish?" 

Makoto smiled gently and busied with Haru's usual latte. He looked at the empty cup and smiled, an idea popping up. 

"Last night," He answered, getting everything out to finish the drink. "After you went to bed with Athena." 

Gou looked at the two, surprise on her face, but didn't say anything about their living arrangements. Makoto didn't notice, simply stirring the latte together. 

"Yeah, so I'll actually have some time with you now." Makoto continued, turning his back so Haru wouldn't see him pour in the design in the foam. Gou peeked from under his shoulder, too short to see over it. She giggled into her hand at the shape and gave Haru a big smile. He looked confused, but didn't question her. 

"O-Okay," He hesitated, not understanding what was happening. "Do you hhhhave class t-today?" 

Makoto shook his head, "Nope! Tomorrow I do, but not today thank God. I'm ready to drop in bed and sleep for a week." 

He turned around with the latte and beamed. He held it just high enough that Haru couldn't see the shape in the foam. 

"Okay, so..." Makoto began and let out a breath, looking nervous, but excited. "I've been waiting to use this design since you first came in. And now I can finally use it, so here. It's my best design." 

Haru watched him place the cup and saucer on the counter, cheeks heating at the sight of the foam. Gou politely looked away when Haru gave him a kiss, their first in public. 

In the foam sat a heart, big, perfect, and just for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a sequel, notice this is part of a series! :) Also, I've been waiting to use the Darcy quote for FOREVER OH MYG OD
> 
> EPILOGUE NEXT *SOBBING IN A CORNER*
> 
> (Thanks to kanariiya, dorcasinlove, mackerelboy, piano, efusi, ladyliz2012, and pop-octopus for the suggestions even though they were mostly about the frick frack and kissing omg I love you guys)


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I crave you in the most innocent form. I crave to say good night and give you forehead kisses and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you and nothing more or less."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are. We made it this far... So let's keep going.

Haru stared at the screen of the laptop, anxiety boiling low in his stomach. He was frozen on the admissions website, his application filled out with meager achievements and experiences. He hadn't done much. He sort of regretted it now, wondering how he'd passed the time of five years without doing... anything but reading. Had he done anything worth mentioning? He was 23 years old and barely keeping his head above water. Could he really go to school, learn, become a writer? 

"Oh, Haru," Makoto spoke up, causing Haru to flinch. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." 

Makoto had cinnamon on his apron, something white smeared on his cheek, but his ever-present smile was still bright. Shaking his head, Haru gave his boyfriend his full attention.

"It's o-okay." He assured and tilted the screen away. 

"Right, well," Makoto coughed, the cinnamon on his apron dusting off. Behind him, Gou raised a brow. "Um... How's your application coming?" 

His shoulder slumped, but Haru didn't notice. He looked away the moment he realized what Makoto was asking. The laptop was still on, only half-closed. 

"I-I finis-hed," Haru answered, pulling the computer back. He avoided knocking over his latte, "But I t-think I'm going t-to wait." 

"You're going to wait?" Makoto repeated, tilting his head. "I know they're aren't any deadlines and you won't be l-living on campus," He fumbled, scratching his neck, "So... why wait?" 

"Makoto," Gou pressured, bringing him back to earth. She pointed at the long line forming. "Just a little help. Nitori still is on break." 

"Right, sorry, G--Kou-chan." He hastily corrected his sentence, leaned over to kiss Haru's cheek and went back to work. 

Face burning, Haru crouched over the laptop. Nobody said anything about the affection, but he could feel eyes on his back. He busied himself with the application, looking over his scores, achievements (swimming for abnormally long periods of time? High pain tolerance? Incredibly good at fucking up simple speech?) and felt the anxiety creepy back up. 

-

Back at Makoto's apartment, Haru sat on the floor, ankles a resting place for Athena. Now that he wasn't in public, the anxiety wasn't as bad, but the cloud of inferiority and uselessness still hung over his head. Had he really done nothing for five years? Had he really holed himself up in his room with his books for so long? He felt ashamed. He felt like a coward. 

"I made popcorn," Makoto popped his head in the room from the kitchen, smiling, "Nagisa told me if you melt cheese on top, it tastes great. Want to try it?" 

To appease his boyfriend, he hummed. Nodding, Makoto sunk back into the kitchen, making noise. Athena uncurled herself at the noise and seemed to glare. 

Leaning forward, Haru rubbed their cat. She purred, content, stretching, nearly spilling from his feet. 

"It'll take a minute," Makoto said, coming back into the room. "Wow, that's pathetic, how can she even fit?" 

He sat down next to Haru, slunging an arm over his shoulder and pressed another kiss to his cheek. 

"Are you okay?" 

Haru snapped his head up, and leaned back into Makoto's embrace. 

"Better now." He answered, proud that he hadn't messed up his words. The cloud lifted slightly, the overwhelming thought of the future tucked away. 

"Good." Makoto rubbed his arm and pulled him closer. Even though he was blushing, he rested his cheek on his head. "I've been thinking. Um, well." 

Haru didn't move, waiting for his boyfriend to finish. Athena went back to sleep, stretching over both their feet. Makoto watched her, and swallowed. A moment passed in silence and Haru caught movement on Makoto's thigh. He tensed. 

"What?" Makoto asked, feeling Haru stiffen. 

"D-Don't move." Haru tried to stay calm. He hated spiders, but he knew Makoto would freak out. 

"W-what!" Makoto yelled, startling Athena to sit up. 

"Don't move!" Haru grabbed the nearest book and Makoto yelped. 

"What's going on?" Haru didn't answer, just raised the book. "Wait is that-- _oh_   _my god it's a spider_ \--" Makoto stood, tossing Athena and pushing Haru to the side. Haru dropped the book and crumpled on his side. " _What, are you laughing_?" Makoto's voice was a high-pitched scream, dancing around the living room. "I don't see it, Haru, stop--help, oh my  _god it's right there_!" 

He ran into the kitchen, bowls and cutlery littering the floor. 

Haru clutched his side, wheezing. There was a loud thump and heavy puffs of air a minute later. 

"I think I got it! Athena, you're so useless, kill bugs!" Makoto yelled, watching Athena run into his bedroom. "Haru? Haru! You're still laughing? Oh wow, you're  _laughing_." 

Haru turned over, smiling, tears in his eyes. He paused to take a deep breath, watching Makoto's flushed, panicked face melt. 

"W-W-What?" Haru stuttered, not even caring anymore. Makoto's face was priceless. 

"I've just, um, never heard you really laugh before." Makoto had his foot over a book, presumably making sure the spider couldn't get back up. At the sight, Haru let out a few hysterical giggles. "Oh wow, you're so cute." 

Haru puffed up, pouting in between giggles. "I'm n-not!" 

"You are." Makoto pushed, smiling. "If I wasn't so traumatized, I'd kiss you." 

Flushing, Haru turned back on his side. 

"Aw, come on! Don't be like tha-- _oh god there's another one_!" 

-

"No." 

"C-Come on, you can't m-move out because of a sssspider." 

"I can. And I will." 

Haru rolled his eyes, rolling over in the bed. Athena yawned, squeaking. Makoto shifted under the blankets and hmphed. 

"It was o-only two spiders." 

" _Three._ I found another when you were in the bath." Makoto sounded broken, shuddering to emphasize his point. Haru, amused, snorted. 

"Now w-who's cute?" 

Makoto rolled over, pouting. Something inside Haru's chest shifted, catching his breath. Makoto's hair was messy, still wet from his bath. His green eyes were bright despite the lack of light and his lips were inviting, pursed. His shirt was a bit large, revealing his collarbone. Haru swallowed. 

"What?" Makoto asked, snuggling closer. 

Feeling ridiculous, Haru turned over and away from his boyfriend. His face was close to catching fire. 

"N-Nothing, go ttttto sleep." 

"Something's wrong," Makoto sang, looping an arm around Haru's waist and pulling him closer. "Tell me, come on. I'm curious now, I won't go to sleep until you tell me." 

Haru huffed and relaxed. 

"Do you e-even realize wwwhat you're d-doing to me?" Haru asked, staring at the door. 

Makoto laughed into his neck, sending shivers down his spine. 

"Let's hopes it's good things." He smiled into his skin, humming, pulling him closer. 

Haru didn't answer, just laid his head down and prayed he could survive the night. 

-

Makoto was fidgeting. More than normal and Haru didn't know what to do. He paced around the Haru's apartment, refusing to return to his own after finding so many spiders. Athena happily napped on a stack of Narnia books, tail twitching, watching her owner walk in circles. 

"M-Makoto," Haru tried to cut in, but Makoto didn't notice. "What's wrong?" 

He wasn't paying attention, wringing his hands. Beginning to grow nervous, Haru tucked his knee under his chin, sitting on the couch. Makoto paced back and forth, opening his mouth as if to speak, before closing it. He shook his head, holding his cheeks occasionally as they tinted pink. Stomach churning, Haru tried again.

"Makoto, please I-I'm worried now."

Makoto finally stopped, bitting his lip.

"Sorry, I just... um, don't know how to ask you." He grabbed something in his pocket and yanked his hand away after a moment. "Nope, I can't ask. Nope nope nope."

Haru froze on the couch. What? Was Makoto going to--no way. They'd been dating _three months_. 

"H-Haru," Makoto kneeled in front of him on the couch, still taller. He leaned forward to kiss his forehead clumsily, pulling away red in the face. "I just, I really want to ask you something and it's kind of a huge deal, but I don't know how to--I mean I've been thinking about it for a while and with what happened last week--"

Wait. What happened last week? Haru thought back, remembering applications, spiders, Nagisa almost killing Rin during his birthday party. What did that have to do with anything?

"I love you, Haru." His voice was shaking, but he kept on going. Haru felt heat rush up his neck to rest on his cheeks. "I love everything about you. I love the way you tilt your head when your amused, the way you're honest, the way you kiss my cheek before bed, just... I love you so much and I want to spend every moment I have with you."

Oh god, he _couldn't breathe_ _._ The embarrassment and honesty of Makoto's words were stabbing him in the heart, pulling him deeper. There was no way he was prop--

"Willyoumoveinwithme?"

Haru punched him in the arm. 

"Ow! What was that for!" 

"You idiot!" Haru snapped and yanked Makoto's collar, pulling him in his lap.

He crushed their lips together, tasting him. They'd never kissed this deeply and Haru was losing his head. Makoto let out a noise, feeling Haru's tongue ring dance around his mouth. He couldn't breath, but he'd gladly die of suffocation if this feeling would just keep going. 

Haru pulled away, panting. 

"Yes." 

Makoto took a moment to gain his senses. "Huh?" 

Haru tilted his head and frowned, eyes bright. "Yes, I'll move in with you." 

"Oh!" Makoto beamed and brought them back to another kiss.

This time he breathed through his nose, licking through his boyfriend's mouth, enjoying the tongue ring, the taste, the feeling, and the thought that _he'd finally get to do this everyday_. They didn't pull apart for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much I want to say. I want to thank you with a long essay, maybe a few novels of sweet words and kind expressions, but even those wouldn't be enough for how I feel. Thank you for encouraging me to keep on writing, thank you for supporting Haru, thank you for the sweetest comments and asks ever, thank you for being the best fandom I've ever been a part of. And finally, thank you for caring. 
> 
> I was stuck between two opening quotes. So why not use both? Here's the runner-up! 
> 
> "If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."


End file.
